Jimmy33james Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 I have been married for 8 years now, doesn't look like I'm going to make it 9. I dated my wife 6 years before we were married. I'm not going to pretend to be blameless in all this,I've put the kids needs in front of hers too often....been sad and pouty when she made plans without us....jealous a lot early in the relationship but primarily just wanting to spend my time with her....of other guys before we were married but that had kind of gone away over time until recently. I know my irrational fears, jealousy and insecurities over the years would make her mad but didn't realize how bad they hurt her and it has kind of became a self fulfilling prophecy as my fear of her leaving is becoming true. Over the past three or four months she started hanging out more with a new female friend after her night job and not coming home until after the kids and I were asleep or if I waited up I was sullen and moody because this was a major change to our lives and it scared me. She was constantly on the phone with the friend and when she would go to her house the fiends husband and best friend were always there which also scared me. One day he started messaging her on facebook (we had a relationship where we looked at each others pages and even if I wasn't on there the notifications kept popping up on the ipad). I asked her about it and she told me she couldn't believe I asked her if something was going on....another week of nonstop messages and I asked her how it would feel if I started messaging a girl I hadn't even known two months like that and she said she understood and would slow it down....two more weeks and the messages kept growing and then I did something stupid and blocked him from her account.....totally an ass move but it made me feel good at the time. She has been more distant and cold for about a month.....told me she didn't love me anymore about three weeks ago and that if it weren't for the kids she would have left already. I started seeing a psychologist about my insecurities and she talked about going to get over her anger and resentment. I've been sad but doing a lot better lately as I saw the writing on the wall.....Monday I break down and tell her I need her to love me again and could we try counseling and she admits she has feelings for someone else and is not interested/thinks it would be better if we lived separately (meaning I go live with my parents).....I told her that separate was fine but I was not leaving, she was the one that wanted to change things so she could go......I feel bad about this, because she doesn't get along with her parent well enough to go there but I don't see why I should leave.....I am the primary caregiver to the children....we both work full time but I'm home earlier and she works two nights a week as a teacher which requires grading papers/preparing lessons on nights she is home....throw that in with her workouts and visits to her new friends and I often felt like a single father and its only gotten worse over the last month obviously. When she told me about wanting to leave, that actually felt better than the limbo we'd been in but she says she is still conflicted....I know she is out the door and I'm really surprising myself with how nice and caring I am finding myself able to be with her about this....I think it is kind of a wake up call to deal with my issues...too late for my marriage but it should make me a better person for my kids. I have another session tomorrow, first since news of the other man. I realize I'm kind of rambling, just feels good to put this out there as there is no one I can talk to about this, I'm not telling family until she is officially out of the house and I'm an introvert so close friends to talk with...seems like a heavy topic for a 3 and 4 year old......lol.
bluegreen Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Marriage and relationships are two very different things so am not gonna wade in those waters I have no experience in. But I'll offer HUGS and hope someone more experienced then me will soon take a look at this post. Maybe just maybe that could make a difference in at least how you feel
Author Jimmy33james Posted April 3, 2014 Author Posted April 3, 2014 Thanks, I realized I probably posted in wrong forum after the fact...sorry for that. It's been posted in sep/divorce forum now so mods can feel freeto delete.
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