Raggamuffin Posted January 31, 2005 Posted January 31, 2005 Hi there, Just a little background on myself.... I'm 22 (will be 23 on Sunday ), and my boyfriend is 25. We've been dating for about 14 months now, known each other for about 3 years. We knew we would be together forever from the very beginning of our romantic involvement with each other . I'm in my last year of my B. Sc. in Guelph, ON, and he works as a network analyst in Oakville, which is about an hour drive away. He usually spends one or 2 nights a week at my place (he still lives at home.... saving up for a house). Ok so here's the problem.... when we're together, everything is perfect - but the remainder of the week SUCKS. I'm still getting used to him working funny shifts and not being able to come up here on a whim... and I get really frustrated. For example, he was supposed to come up tonight but was called into work for overtime... and we fought on the phone about it. These fights usually consist of me making him feel as guilty as possible and then him getting angry at me for it. It's really all very silly, but I can't seem to stop myself. This has been happening quite a bit lately. I guess the real issue is, I wish he would be more romantic and affectionate with me. He's never given me flowers, or surprised me by showing up unannounced. He tells me he loves me ALL the time, we've talked about marriage and kids and everything (I don't think he would have put up with me this long if he didn't see a future with me ), so I have no doubt about that. I just wish he would pay more attention to me. I realize I have it a lot better than some people.... I guess this post is more of a vent than anything else.. I've never actually laid my feelings out like this before. I love him with all my heart but I wish he made me feel more important. Thanks for listening, and any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated. Raggamuffin
kypepeo Posted January 31, 2005 Posted January 31, 2005 Venting is allowed but try not to let it out on him. He sounds like a great guy and sometimes we need more than words but the flowers thing doesn't seem to be his way of doing stuff. Nobody's perfect. Just let him know that it gets frustrating and that when you lash out at him you don't really mean it. Things will get better. Put yourself in his position and you'll gain better perspective.
Author Raggamuffin Posted January 31, 2005 Author Posted January 31, 2005 You're totally right.... I rarely get mad at him directly, its usually just at the situation, but I attack him before I can help myself I think it also has to do with me being insecure with myself. Luckily he doesn't resent me at all for this, and I always apologize soon after (our fights rarely last more than about 10 minutes), but I feel if I keep doing this he'll eventually run out of patience . Becky
suchamess Posted January 31, 2005 Posted January 31, 2005 oh man, I feel like I can totally relate on this (like the phone thing from my post) but all the stuff you're saying about him being a great guy, but you still wish he would be more romantic! I totally hear that! My bf is a nice guy, I dont have any of the problems with him like cheating or emotional abuse, etc. that you see a lot of people on here for...but I still feel like he could try harder to show me he cares....he always tells me he loves me...but yeah, he never has gotten me flowers or a random little gift...I wish he was more romantic too! I told him that once, and he got mad at me...he told me I dotn appreciate the things which he does do for me...we had a fight about it...and I thought it was lost cause and thought it woud be best not to bring it up again....but then the next time we chilled, I noticed he tried to be more sweet in subtle ways...like he'd come around to my side and open the car door for me...it was so sweet and I was so surprised, and it made him happy to see me appreciate him...I dont think its a good idea to fight (I'm guilty of this!- also due to personal insecurities)...and I dont really know how to make a guy buy you flowers and become more spontaneous and thoughtful....but I do know, that its better to encourage and appreciate the things he does do for you, instead of focussing on what he doesnt do...when he sees you appreciate him, he will try to make you more happy.
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