lovesickgirl Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 Ive been with my bf for 2 years now & Monday we broke up for good. I just want to note that my bf is a very introverted person, he doesnt like confrontation, he NORMALLY doesnt go out of his way to hit on girls. It all started with the evil website facebook. He had asked for space a week ago for work purposes and I believed him, letting him do his thing since he runs his own business. Well I noticed a few days later in my fb feed that he was liking other random girls pictures of them half naked lying in bed telling them they were "looking good". Jealously kicked in, he asked for space and this is what he does in his spare time?? I called him out on it saying "hey if your interested in other girls during time apart why don't you just be honest with me instead of hiding it" He got upset and said "I'm breaking up with you cause I cant battle YOUR demons anymore and your jealously. Please leave me alone and i'll talk to you when i'm ready too. I said I needed space and you didnt respect that so I need to push you away further to think about if I want to continue this relationship forward" I'm just heartbroken. the other night I had a meltdown because he and I were suppose to go to a concert obviously he wasnt taking me anymore. I asked our group of friends if he went with them (since we were all going as a coupled group) and they said no one has seen him but he has checked himself at the venue. This leads me to believe hes out on a date and avoiding our friends. So I left a message saying "hey if your going to see people so soon, I want you to be honest with me so I can move on peacefully instead of wondering whats going on between us etc etc *spewed some venomous words*" He didnt answer me back. So I called his roommate who is also a very close friend of mine...so I thought, If I could come over and get my belongings while hes gone and he said if I come over he'll call the cops on me??? I said okay that is really drastic since you know I mean well and just want to move on with my life right now and he says I dont know whats going on between you two but talk to him about it. (even though he refuses to answer me) I dont know why I am not strong enough to move on, most people would be fed up at this point and move the **** on but I cant, I simply cannot. I go out with friends, I work out, I have hobbies but nothing can keep my mind off him. Yesterday I noticed my ex took down all our photos on fb...& left the relationship status blank (used to say in relation) So my ex called ME this morning... He said things have gotten out of hand when they were never suppose too. He started crying saying (WHICH IS RARE) "I wish you would have given me space when I first asked for it, time and time again you refuse to stop being so clingy and I thought if I told you "were done, lets break up" you would finally stop being stubborn and be yourself again. I feel horrible about it cause all I wanted was some space and for you to be yourself again, you just choke hold me, hover over me, I cant breathe! Your the person that is suppose to love me the most and you dont trust me at all! You make me feel like I am doing something horrible when I've done nothing at all. I see you working out, going out with your friends and YES thats what I want you to do!!! but when you call me accusing me of going out with other girls, cheating on you, wanting your stuff back, it all breaks my heart, I had to block, delete, hide from you cause I am so mad and hurt from you. So please just leave me alone until im ready to come back. trust me" he later said the girl he took to the concert was his family friend who just had a baby few months back, was begging to get out of the house and her husband is my boyfriends employee.. my gut feeling says trust it. I really dont know how to feel now. I am clingy which is my BIGGEST flaw...never used to be this way till the first time we broke up a year back. I'm going to continue to keep doing my own thing but I still can't let go. what the hell is wrong with me
whirl3daway Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 what the hell is wrong with me what's wrong with you is that you think you are the problem. your ex obviously wasn't the right person for you. do you know the term "being gaslighted"? look it up. that's what your boyfriend is doing to you. he's lying to you and hiding his dates with other women, blocking you from FB, asking for space and then blaming you when you rightfully ask for closure... you should thank your lucky stars that it's over and never look back. 1
Author lovesickgirl Posted April 2, 2014 Author Posted April 2, 2014 I also forgot to mention I know the family friend personally They have a very strong Big sister little brother love. So this is why it made sense they were hanging out.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 what's wrong with you is that you think you are the problem. your ex obviously wasn't the right person for you. do you know the term "being gaslighted"? look it up. that's what your boyfriend is doing to you. he's lying to you and hiding his dates with other women, blocking you from FB, asking for space and then blaming you when you rightfully ask for closure... you should thank your lucky stars that it's over and never look back. Huge, unequivocal 2nd. OP, you can certainly reflect on what you should do better next time, but I would not accept full responsibility for this. That is incredibly unfair. I responded to your other thread. Looking at the update, it just sounds as though he wants to date around and expects you wait for him. I'd can that idea pronto. 1
Treasa Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 Ok, you might be clingy. I get that. I used to be clingy. However, that being said, the dude is seriously gaslighting you. He's pointing out your flaws so that he can continue to get away with his bad behavior. I can understand, in a way, why you are clinging. I dated a couple of guys like him, and although I don't "get it" anymore, the more they pulled back and acted this way, the more desperately I wanted to prove myself to them and make them realize that I could make them happy. I never really let it creep in that *I* wasn't happy. And I wasn't. Who wants a boyfriend who blows hot and cold, and then comments on other chicks' naked pictures while "taking a break"? I don't know anyone who would feel good after that. I really hope you can realize that he's treating you like ****, and realize that you need to love yourself far more than you think you love him. You don't need his acceptance and reassuring. You're fine just the way you are, I promise. And the sooner you realize that, the sooner you'll stop going for guys like this. 1
Treasa Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 He got upset and said "I'm breaking up with you cause I cant battle YOUR demons anymore and your jealously. Please leave me alone and i'll talk to you when i'm ready too. I said I needed space and you didnt respect that so I need to push you away further to think about if I want to continue this relationship forward" Allow me to translate: "I want to be free to do what I want and act as badly as I wish to, but I want you to remain around as a backup in case my bed gets cold or I get bored or lonely. But unless I request your presence, F off." Also, lose that guy who's a roommate to your ex but a "close friend" to you. He isn't your friend, honey.
Treasa Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 So my ex called ME this morning... He said things have gotten out of hand when they were never suppose too. He started crying saying (WHICH IS RARE) "I wish you would have given me space when I first asked for it, time and time again you refuse to stop being so clingy and I thought if I told you "were done, lets break up" you would finally stop being stubborn and be yourself again. I feel horrible about it cause all I wanted was some space and for you to be yourself again, you just choke hold me, hover over me, I cant breathe! Your the person that is suppose to love me the most and you dont trust me at all! You make me feel like I am doing something horrible when I've done nothing at all. I see you working out, going out with your friends and YES thats what I want you to do!!! but when you call me accusing me of going out with other girls, cheating on you, wanting your stuff back, it all breaks my heart, I had to block, delete, hide from you cause I am so mad and hurt from you. So please just leave me alone until im ready to come back. trust me" Oh, allow me to translate this one also: "I'm going to sound like I'm crying/I'm crying because I want you to feel like this is YOUR fault/I'm an immature narcissistic prick who's at the center of the universe (you can choose) and I know you'll continue to take my crap. When I feel like you've been punished enough or when I get bored, I'll let you know." My advice as of late has revolved around telling people who treat you poorly to shove things up their asses. Sorry, but it's pretty much the same case here. Tell him to shove it up his ass, and then move on with your life. You will never feel good about yourself with him stringing you along like this. 1
ascendotum Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 Allow me to translate: "I want to be free to do what I want and act as badly as I wish to, but I want you to remain around as a backup in case my bed gets cold or I get bored or lonely. But unless I request your presence, F off." Also, lose that guy who's a roommate to your ex but a "close friend" to you. He isn't your friend, honey. Well, not quite. He broke up with her pretty quick and wasn't keeping this relationship dragging on in limbo for months with 'I need some time apart for a while', while he screwed around or searched around for her replacment. This drama was all but wrapped within in a week. You don't know for sure that what the bf says here : "cant battle YOUR demons anymore and your jealously" "you just choke hold me, hover over me, I cant breathe" is just a bunch of BS, and it has not being weighing on his mind for some time to have a break and prepare himself for ending things due to being unhappy with the relationship. He seemed to kill off the relationship pretty quick without really discussing his thoughts beforehand or trying to work out a solution, but lots of people I find do this. They don't tell you they are unhappy about certain things, and just simply breakup with you, and give the 'this is just not working out anymore' exit line, but they had made up their mind weeks/months ago. that being said, the dude is seriously gaslighting you. No, it should be "the dude is possibly gaslighting you." 1
Treasa Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 Hey, it's cool. We can agree to disagree. I still think he sounds like a turd, though, and would love to see her move on. 1
Author lovesickgirl Posted April 3, 2014 Author Posted April 3, 2014 Well to be honest my jealously side has definitely been in overdrive. I'm pretty good at being a private investigator on all social media and to be honest I haven't found any evidence at all whatsoever that he is seeing another girl yet or even interested. I even went over the girls pages that I knew were interested in him and saw nothing. Trust me when I say he's not smart enough to know where to look like I do... That's why I thought it was weird he liked those girls pictures because I was just so Unlike him
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