when OW starts airing "dirty laundry"

[confusedandhurt2002]

FOW and her H are getting a divorce because H finally had enough of her not feeling bad about anything she ever does (from what I gather anyhow, I have NO idea, nor do I care why). He left the family, including their two young daughters so she is airing their dirty laundry on FB right now and I'm concerned he's going to do the same, which could involve my H.

(She had the audacity to write about her poor children and how they are crying when their daddy left, when she tried to break up my family and did the same to my son seven months ago! Gah! Pisses me off, but she isn't capable of understanding that because she can't think beyond her own self, so it doesn't piss me off as much as it could).

 

 

I have no idea how to handle it, other than to brace myself if something gets said and H has to deal with the fall out. I mean, he made these mistakes, he has to face them, but it will be hard to have others in our community flapping their lips about it all (more than they already have).

 

I guess I just don't get people who are so desperate for attention they'll tell everyone about their dirty past and present.

 

 

BTW, I can see her posts because they are all public. It'd be one thing if it was just among her friends, but ugh....why put it all up under public?

[confusedandhurt2002]

I think I answered my own question. I need to take it as it comes like I have everything else. Ignore my stupid question. Whatever comes at me, does and I just handle it with the help of God and hopefully without beating my husband. ;-)

[gettingstronger]

Good luck to you and your family!

 

For me, my fear of everyone knowing is not so much the gossip but I don't want to be "tainted" by the expectations of others on what I should do about my life- I think its easy for people to say, leave him, etc... when they have not been in this situation- I have a co worker that disclosed her husbands affair and I think people were trying to be helpful when they said things like- I'd kill him, I'd walk away in a minute and the like- I think it was hard for her to hold her head up when she was trying to reconcile because people just really don't understand unless they have been in it-

[lilmisscantbewrong]

Listen - I went through this - public humiliation and scrutiny. Sometimes you have no control over what others will do. It was not something I would have wished on my worst enemy. It hindered recovery as I could not escape it. Xmom did to some degree - he didn't have to walk the streets here every day as I did. I know my husband wishes it could have been handled differently. He expected that the reading of our names would have "brought me in line" when in fact the public debacle caused more pain and suffering for everyone.

 

There is not much you can do. Just hold your head up high and walk through whatever is to come. If you are sincere about recovery then stand beside your husband and love him and support him. The best, most honorable thing you can do is to stay quiet yourself - don't try to defend - just change the subject and move on. It really isn't anyone else's business and you have the right to say just that.

 

And stop looking at her social media! Even if it's public you can choose not to look at it. She is in pain and she is using it for sympathy. It's ridiculous. Did I ever say how much I hate social media?

[PegNosePete]

BTW, I can see her posts because they are all public. It'd be one thing if it was just among her friends, but ugh....why put it all up under public?

Block.

 

Just because someone makes public posts does not mean you see them! I am public but I don't see them right? The only way to see someone's posts if you're not their friend is to actively go looking for them, or to subscribe to their feed.

[VeronicaRoss]

You might have a neutral party that knows you both remind her FB posts are public (a lot of people don't understand privacy settings), explain how to make them private and suggest she go private because it isn't going to do her or her children well to have this dirty laundry exposed to family, church members, future employers, etc. Whoever she cares about it. Make it about her.

[confusedandhurt2002]

Yeah, I shouldn't have looked. Her husband got a 16 year old girl pregnant and that girl was/is living with them. so the A with my H was apparently a revenge A and that's why OW sees nothing wrong with it. It would be nice if she would have thought of his family but she can't see past her own nose.

Edited April 4, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[fellini]

Anytime you try to deal with toxic people you are bound to enter into radioactivity.

 

Do not engage people of this kind. Stop visiting facebook. or block her posts, public or not.

 

You cannot control nuclear fallout. You can only live the life you have been given. Even trying to intervene through 3rd parties only continues the cycle of toxicity because by doing so, you create an expectation that something can be done and when it cannot, you are left with disappointment or disempowered by your attempts to do so. (Im using the word "you" in a universal way here, not you specifically!)

[lilmisscantbewrong]

Anytime you try to deal with toxic people you are bound to enter into radioactivity.

 

Do not engage people of this kind. Stop visiting facebook. or block her posts, public or not.

 

You cannot control nuclear fallout. You can only live the life you have been given. Even trying to intervene through 3rd parties only continues the cycle of toxicity because by doing so, you create an expectation that something can be done and when it cannot, you are left with disappointment or disempowered by your attempts to do so. (Im using the word "you" in a universal way here, not you specifically!)

 

Also it shows that you care. Ignore, ignore, ignore. It sounds like she has enough to deal with in her own life (which is already a mess) and you do too. Social media just adds to the drama. And you can better believe that she knows you can see it or that someone will tell you about it. This is the only reason why it's up there. So narcissistic. Don't play those games.

Edited April 4, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator