Carenth Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 I don't really feel like explaining my situation again but felt I should move this to this forum you can read my back story here. I've been through a lot over the last few months. Tearing down the life I was building overseas and rebuilding the life I had back home prior. I think I pretty much shoved my emotions in the back seat in order to function on some sort of normal level rather than collapse in a heap. Now I think it's all coming to bite me back in the ass. I fell asleep when I got home from work today because I was feeling emotionally exhausted and woke up a few hours later. My heart was racing and I was in a state of panic, it took me a good 15 minutes to calm down. It was an overwhelming feeling of been alone in the world. No idea what that was about. Usually I'm very level headed and careful in the decisions I make but just reading back over what I have written and what I have been doing since I got back I don't feel I'm my usual self. I feel I've been distracting myself from what happened in order to protect myself from the pain which I know is unhealthy. If I was giving others advice I would tell them to just feel whatever they have to feel and I'm trying but it's all coming out in random bursts that I seem to have no control over and it's actually quite alarming. I kind of just feel like been a hermit for a while and closing myself off from people in order to just get whatever I need to out of my system...
STM206 Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 I don't really feel like explaining my situation again but felt I should move this to this forum you can read my back story here. I've been through a lot over the last few months. Tearing down the life I was building overseas and rebuilding the life I had back home prior. I think I pretty much shoved my emotions in the back seat in order to function on some sort of normal level rather than collapse in a heap. Now I think it's all coming to bite me back in the ass. I fell asleep when I got home from work today because I was feeling emotionally exhausted and woke up a few hours later. My heart was racing and I was in a state of panic, it took me a good 15 minutes to calm down. It was an overwhelming feeling of been alone in the world. No idea what that was about. Usually I'm very level headed and careful in the decisions I make but just reading back over what I have written and what I have been doing since I got back I don't feel I'm my usual self. I feel I've been distracting myself from what happened in order to protect myself from the pain which I know is unhealthy. If I was giving others advice I would tell them to just feel whatever they have to feel and I'm trying but it's all coming out in random bursts that I seem to have no control over and it's actually quite alarming. I kind of just feel like been a hermit for a while and closing myself off from people in order to just get whatever I need to out of my system... I totally understand about waking up from a nap feeling that gloom and doom feeling, it's perfectly normal. You went through a huge life change, a trauma if you will. Your brain, emotions, everything is adjusting. I need to look in the mirror when I say this, but it really does take time. Socialize, get yourself out there again and find joy in life again.
TrappedWanderer Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 I feel ya. Also moved overseas after a long-distance relationship. Picked up my whole life, took a leap, and did it. Long story short, he turned out to be a pretty terrible person (we'd been friends for 10 years prior to that-guess you really never know someone) and I had to leave and come back home. Hard to do, when you've only just given it all up to move over there. Been isolating being back where I grew up, but maybe I needed the alone time. I dunno. Didn't have much of a choice. I've now just gotten a new job overseas (different country than his, though same language...least my language skills were something good to come away with, ha) and will be moving in a month. Here goes my stuff, back across the ocean for the 3rd time in 6 months. But I'm excited for the new start. I, also, haven't felt like myself and am anxiously awaiting the chance for a new start. Just need to take (another) leap and see what happens, I guess. Hang in there. You'll get back out there when you're ready and things will be ok again. They will.
Author Carenth Posted April 4, 2014 Author Posted April 4, 2014 Thanks for the replies. TrappedWanderer sorry to hear about your LDR experience it's truly gutting. Probably braver than I going back overseas again, I don't see myself doing that for quite some time now. I find myself today in fluctuating states of anger. I'm glad I got away from my ex, there were good times with her for sure but the way she treated me in the end has soured that. I'm so angry that she threw everything away for something so stupid. She is finally starting to acknowledge this but it's too late, the damage is done and it can never be fixed. Which is really frustrating I find it really hard to connect with people. I'm introverted and reserved by nature so it takes a lot for me to put myself out there and I often wonder if I'm just better off on my own as that is the way I have lived most of my life (by choice). Most of my relationships have resulted in people pursuing me as they cottoned on to the fact that I'm usually quite content in my own company and trying to make me chase them is an exercise in futility. It takes a long time for me to get to know someone and open up to them so traditional dating doesn't really work for me. I don't know what I'm saying really at the moment just venting what is on my mind.
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