Cfb770099 Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 Hey there! I am writing this hoping to get some suggestions on how I should interpret this guy´s behavior, so maybe I can finally put my mind at rest a little bit I had been seeing this guy for around 4 months. He was the first to show interest, he took the initiative, showed me it was not just about sex (as I have learnt to assume by default unless I´m proved otherwise) by holding my hand, being very caring, hugging, cuddling, pillow talking, showing interest in my life and my things. I left for a semester abroad after the 4th month. We had not settled our "status" yet. I thought we would keep the relationship open and undefined while I was away. After all I would be away for as much time as we had known each other (4 months, but maybe a little more) so defining the relationship at that point was probably a bad move. But I took for granted that we would still be communicating once in a while, to hear how we were doing and such. We had gotten to know each other fairly well so I though that would just be a natural thing to do. The last 2-3 weeks before I left we didn´t see each other much. I was away from the city, and a little disappointed that he hand´t taken the initiative to see me before I left for the short holyday. The last night we saw each other before my big departure, we went to the cinema (on his initiative), then back to my place. So I thought everything was good, I thought that this was a proof that he still cared about me and wanted to prove it also now, right before my departure. I asked him how and how often he thought we should communicate while I was away. He responded that he thought we shouldn´t communicate at all. I tried to hide my disappointment with no success, but was too shocked and sad to ask for a proper explanation. So we parted with no explanation, without knowing what we each had in our minds. The only thing he told me was that he had tried it with a girl before, and it didn´t work out and that he was sure I would forget his name after 2 days I was gone. Unfortunately, that did is not quite what happened. Almost 3 months later I´m still obsessed with "why" and "how" questions and I miss him but don´t understand. Why would a guy behave like this? How can you be so careless? Is it possible for a guy to go so suddenly from caring to not caring or was he just careless the whole time?
Gaeta Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 I am very sorry for your disappointment but at least he told you where he stood and why, I don't think he can add anymore details to it. When you come back from abroad you can get in touch with him and see if you can pick up things from there, till then put him in the back of your mind. Be thankful he was honest with you. I had the same thing done to me after dating 6 months with someone. He even told me he was in love with me. He left for 8 months, said we would keep in touch, said I could go visit him, and the day he got on that flight out of the country I never heard from him again. So yes, that should answer your question that a man can act loving and then turn the switch off.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 It's a painful situation, but at least he was honest with you. He let you know he didn't want a long-distance relationship. It appears he enjoyed your time together but didn't see the sense in taking it further. I was in a somewhat similar situation just before I moved abroad (I've lived in Italy over a year now) but now I see it was a smart decision. It doesn't mean he didn't care for you, necessarily. He was just doing what he felt was right, and not giving you false hope.
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