Lipitor11 Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 I've gone on dates with several guys from okcupid, everything seems to go well, with chatting online and texting until meeting up in person. When I see them, I can tell if they are feeling me or not and by the looks of their faces, I know its not going past the 1st date. I'm like wth? Was I too ugly or something? I mean, its NOT up to me to decide if I want a guy or not, its up to the man to want and pursue me, it that would have been the case, I would feel comfortable. I don't get it, they like my pictures, but in person I'm hideous or something? I'm damn sure if I had blonde hair and big boobs, I would get a relationship proposal.
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 How recent are your pics? What do you wear on these dates? Do you smell good? How many times has this happened and at what point do you get the "look"? Initially or further into the date?
Leigh 87 Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 I am blonde and have big boobs haha..... a 32 dd! But come on now, I don't expect every guy I meet to be attracted to me. It is normal for most men to not have chemistry with you; most average people, assuming you and I are average, do NOT get every man eating to fall for us and feel chemistry with us. Only the rare few women seem to be universally and conventionally attractive to a LOT of men. Personally, I had... a fair amount of men who wanted a second date, but that comes down to my persona and my personal style and the fact they liked that I had travelled a lot and I studying an honours degree to be a social worker. Guys all followed it up with me due to my personality and personal attributes; I do not have the looks to have just gotten these guys to feel chemistry with me if I was a crappy person. Are you the sort of person who a lot of people you come into contact with take a liking to? I am; but just as MANY people don't get me either. Every woman is different when it comes to creating chemistry; my good friend is a model and very cute indeed, yet she cannot create adequate chemistry and the whole " butterflies" sensation men proclaim to feel among the women they have chemistry with.... She is also a podiatrist.. a foot doctor.. she has done half of a medical degree to get there. She is smart, funny and a lovely person too. As you can see ^^^^ some beautiful women fail to generate much chemistry. It is not all down to looks!
Author Lipitor11 Posted April 2, 2014 Author Posted April 2, 2014 My pictures are recent and I usually wear jeans and a nice top. I don't smell. I'm shy and I don't like to reveal too much about myself on the 1st date, I have to keep my guard up since I'm meeting a stranger. Not sure if it has anything to do with me not talking alot, or that "spark" isn't there, but c'mon if a guy knows a girl is shy and is interested, wouldn't he try to do his best for her to come out of her shell?
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 My pictures are recent and I usually wear jeans and a nice top. I don't smell. I'm shy and I don't like to reveal too much about myself on the 1st date, I have to keep my guard up since I'm meeting a stranger. Not sure if it has anything to do with me not talking alot, or that "spark" isn't there, but c'mon if a guy knows a girl is shy and is interested, wouldn't he try to do his best for her to come out of her shell? If you're not talking much, then it could be perceived that you're not really interested and they're wasting their time. Some guys don't want to put in that much work or feel its too difficult to create chemistry with a shy girl that's not giving anything for them to feed off of. 2
Marks Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 My pictures are recent and I usually wear jeans and a nice top. I don't smell. I'm shy and I don't like to reveal too much about myself on the 1st date, I have to keep my guard up since I'm meeting a stranger. Not sure if it has anything to do with me not talking alot, or that "spark" isn't there, but c'mon if a guy knows a girl is shy and is interested, wouldn't he try to do his best for her to come out of her shell? It depends...even if a girl is shy, I still think she needs to try and make conversation, or otherwise I'd feel that she's not that into me, and that she doesn't really want to be on the date. I personally like conversations to be fairly even handed, where both parties are more or less engaged in the conversation. If not, then I end up feeling like I'm the interviewer in a job interview, and we all know that those aren't that fun. There are only so many conversation starters that I can try to use before reaching that frustration point. On the flipside however, there is also such a thing as too much talking on the part of the girl, or just talking about herself constantly and not showing a lot of interest in getting to know more about me. In fact, I just had a date like this last night...aside from the girl not looking like she did in her pictures, she just kept talking on and on about her recent accomplishment in life, and barely showed any interest in what I had to say about myself. After about two hours of this I pretty much had enough, and started thinking of ways to end the date politely. She just came off as very self-centered, and that wasn't particularly attractive. That being said, I can't say if that's necessarily your problem. There could be a variety of issues that could cause a guy to lose interest, from not looking like you did in your pictures (mostly a problem if you use old pictures and have gained a lot of weight since), to interests not aligning, to certain quirks that they don't like about you. Who knows. But if you do feel like you're perhaps not engaging in the conversation enough, then I would suggest trying to work on that (and this is coming from a typically shy guy).
bluegreen Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 1 in every 200 hundred guys from On-line sites is INTERESTED in something serious. ( Just something to think about ) before you go on blaming yourself
Noproblem Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 Just because you are blond and have big boobs, doesn't mean you are actually beautiful or attractive.. Even though, just because you beautiful and attractive, doesn't mean the guy who meets you find you his type. But I don't think your look is the problem. I am sure there is something else, either they find they can't get in your pants from the first date, or you do something to make them go away.......
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 Your pics are probably either old or angled and not representative of what you look like in person..
Canucklehead Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 I've gone on dates with several guys from okcupid, everything seems to go well, with chatting online and texting until meeting up in person. When I see them, I can tell if they are feeling me or not and by the looks of their faces, I know its not going past the 1st date. I'm like wth? Was I too ugly or something? I mean, its NOT up to me to decide if I want a guy or not, its up to the man to want and pursue me, it that would have been the case, I would feel comfortable. I don't get it, they like my pictures, but in person I'm hideous or something? I'm damn sure if I had blonde hair and big boobs, I would get a relationship proposal. Sorry, not from me..... I prefer dark hair and small breasted ladies Seriously though, remember that you are doing the OLD thing so you may "have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince" you know? 1
OhThatGirl Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 It's not about the tits. Trust me. I have almost zero boobs. I tend to do well with guys given the chance to meet up. I think it's because I'm genuinely comfortable with myself, I make eye contact, I have some funny/interesting stories to tell about how I ended up where I'm living. My pictures are recent and accurate. My personality is obvious from the start. I have very few boundaries, I'm comfortable making conversation and (maybe a downfall of mine) tend to be positive and encouraging even if I am dying to escape. Do I still have guys drop off? Sure. One I felt a great deal of initial chemistry with (rare for me) and he must not have been feeling it and disappeared. No big deal. I've done the same with people too. But if it's happening over and over again, evaluate it from the guys point of view. Maybe grab a guy friend and ask him to do a role playing date (dangerous territory I know) and give you some tips. Or hell, ask someone you've been out with. Weird? Yeah. But who cares? 2
gaius Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 Pictures really are a very one dimensional look at someone. They leave out so much that it's easy to see a picture you like and find yourself not attracted in real life or vice versa. Not because of anything you did. But yes, I have to agree a lot of it has to do with the vibes the woman is giving off as well. There's absolutely been times I've found myself attracted to a woman from afar and then found out up close she doesn't know how to handle me or I'm not striking the right chords for her. If she even has right chords to strike.
PegNosePete Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 (edited) 1 in every 200 hundred guys from On-line sites is INTERESTED in something serious. ( Just something to think about ) before you go on blaming yourself And 83% of statistics are made up on the spot. Do you have a source for your ridiculous statement? There are many guys online who are looking for a serious relationship. True there are many looking for ONS as well but these can quite easily be weeded out before even exchanging phone numbers let alone meeting in person. Some may get through your filters or deceive you but that's life. It's completely unrealistic to think that only 0.5% of guys are after anything more than a bunk up. What percentage of guys in the US do you think are married? OP I suggest you focus less on the physical side of things. Don't you want to be judged on your personality rather than your looks? Yet you yourself are judging yourself on looks alone. Confidence is far more attractive than any looks. If you are happy and confident with yourself and your own body image then it doesn't matter what colour your hair is or what size your boobs are. It seems like you're just sitting there waiting for the guys to impress you. How do they know you're interested if you're not an active participant in the conversation? I think if you were to show more interest then you'd get more back from them. That is what "chemistry" is after all. You get out what you put in. Edited April 2, 2014 by PegNosePete
LiteratePancake Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 My pictures are recent and I usually wear jeans and a nice top. I don't smell. I'm shy and I don't like to reveal too much about myself on the 1st date, I have to keep my guard up since I'm meeting a stranger. Not sure if it has anything to do with me not talking alot, or that "spark" isn't there, but c'mon if a guy knows a girl is shy and is interested, wouldn't he try to do his best for her to come out of her shell? He needs to be interested in the girl in order to want to make her come out of her shell... He can't be interested in her if he doesn't know anything about her. You don't need to say a lot about yourself. You could ask questions about him, and react to what he says. No one's asking you to tell your life story on the 1st date, but it's always nice to let them know your tastes, your hobbies, things like that.
Teraskas Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 I've gone on dates with several guys from okcupid, everything seems to go well, with chatting online and texting until meeting up in person. When I see them, I can tell if they are feeling me or not and by the looks of their faces, I know its not going past the 1st date. I'm like wth? Was I too ugly or something? I mean, its NOT up to me to decide if I want a guy or not, its up to the man to want and pursue me, it that would have been the case, I would feel comfortable. I don't get it, they like my pictures, but in person I'm hideous or something? I'm damn sure if I had blonde hair and big boobs, I would get a relationship proposal. With regards to the bolded: Actually, that's false. I've gone out on dates with plenty of women and it was all ultimately their decision to reject me with labels such as 'No spark', 'No Chemistry', 'You've had cancer in the past, thus you're broken, etc.' despite ME being the one who wants to find someone interested in something serious. I also find it ironic that I always Judge women on personality first and looks second. Whereas the women I went out with were all so shallow to judge me on looks only. Confidence certainly isn't the issue here. Sure, I'm still working on my appearance but one can hardly expect one's appearance to completely change in about 2 weeks of going to the gym, lol. I'm not trying to generalise or anything, but given past experiences it's always been on their end.
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 The trick I found with OLD was to always be "warm" with someone you're interested in. I always greeted my dates with a hug and "glad to finally meet you", whether the initial impression was good or not. Smile, be engaging, ask questions or give interesting answers to their questions. I also tried to keep the conversation light and humorous, avoid serious topics like politics, religion, & definitely exes or dating history. Avoid negative subjects or expressing disgust in things. Smelling good is also a plus. I wear a light perfume from BCBG that I've gotten multiple compliments on from both men and women. My guy now loves to just shove his face in my neck and inhale. It doesn't have to be perfume, but maybe a light, clean body spray. A warm smile and a nice scent are like subconscious attractors for a lot of men. My point is that you can't expect to just sit back silently and expect a man to be interested or do all the work. Physical meets are always a completely different ball field than chatting online. You need to give him a reason to continue the pursuit and put forth an equal amount of effort if you are equally interested. 3
pickflicker Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 The trick I found with OLD was to always be "warm" with someone you're interested in. I always greeted my dates with a hug and "glad to finally meet you", whether the initial impression was good or not. Smile, be engaging, ask questions or give interesting answers to their questions. I also tried to keep the conversation light and humorous, avoid serious topics like politics, religion, & definitely exes or dating history. Avoid negative subjects or expressing disgust in things. Smelling good is also a plus. I wear a light perfume from BCBG that I've gotten multiple compliments on from both men and women. My guy now loves to just shove his face in my neck and inhale. It doesn't have to be perfume, but maybe a light, clean body spray. A warm smile and a nice scent are like subconscious attractors for a lot of men. My point is that you can't expect to just sit back silently and expect a man to be interested or do all the work. Physical meets are always a completely different ball field than chatting online. You need to give him a reason to continue the pursuit and put forth an equal amount of effort if you are equally interested. The perfect formula for how a woman should act on a date. Take note, ladies! Sidebar, my favourite perfume at the moment is "Eaudemoiselle" by Givenchy. It's heavenly, and I get compliments all the time on it. 1
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 Maybe they subconsciously found your immune system incompatible. Pucker Up! What Science Is Discovering About Why We Kiss - US News
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 The trick I found with OLD was to always be "warm" with someone you're interested in. I always greeted my dates with a hug and "glad to finally meet you", whether the initial impression was good or not. Smile, be engaging, ask questions or give interesting answers to their questions. I also tried to keep the conversation light and humorous, avoid serious topics like politics, religion, & definitely exes or dating history. Avoid negative subjects or expressing disgust in things. Smelling good is also a plus. I wear a light perfume from BCBG that I've gotten multiple compliments on from both men and women. My guy now loves to just shove his face in my neck and inhale. It doesn't have to be perfume, but maybe a light, clean body spray. A warm smile and a nice scent are like subconscious attractors for a lot of men. My point is that you can't expect to just sit back silently and expect a man to be interested or do all the work. Physical meets are always a completely different ball field than chatting online. You need to give him a reason to continue the pursuit and put forth an equal amount of effort if you are equally interested. I have to second the bolded. When I did that, I got nearly 100% of guys asking for a second date. Eventually I got fed up with OLD and if I wasn't interested, I gave them cold one word answers and was quick to make excuses and leave. My rate of being asked for a second date plummeted drastically :/ 1
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