freetolove Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 I was dating a guy for about 4 months, things were "perfect" and suddenly he began to pull back. I decided to start playing hard to get and he responded accordingly. He's been chasing after me again. I care about him a great deal and want to be with him long term, however, I don't know how to express my feelings to him anymore because what happened. I don't want to play games, I just want us to be together and in love. I'm not sure what to do.
confidencestands Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 I'm struggling with the exact same thing, however, I'm in a LDR. From what I understand men deal w/ emotions differently than us gals. We look at the pull back as rejection but when men pull back, they are regrouping and collecting their thoughts/feelings. It's a good sign he came back to you. Drop the resentment and just enjoy your time with him also clearly stating how you felt about his brief disappearance. Make it known to him that you enjoy being around him and feeling safe and the only way to accomplish that is to be open and honest with each other. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 You shouldn't have to "play" hard to get but you do need to have personal boundaries & your SO should see you & the relationship as something valuable, as opposed to something that comes too easy. If he backed off when you opened up but started to chase you when you pulled back, take that as a sign. He's not ready to hear you express your feelings yet. They may have been too deep or too intense too early. Proverbially sit on your hands & let him start that first conversation. If you want more than he can give you, you might need to face that head on. Tell him what you need / want & be prepared to walk away if you aren't getting it. The fact that you have only been dating for 4 months & you used the word "perfect" to describe your relationship even though it was in quotes makes me wonder if you have unreasonable expectations & are seeking too much intimacy too fast.
Author freetolove Posted April 3, 2014 Author Posted April 3, 2014 You know, initially your comment really annoyed me but I can see some truth in that, I figured we're both in our 30s and early 40s, we should generally know what we want. What does 4 month into the relationship suppose to look like? You shouldn't have to "play" hard to get but you do need to have personal boundaries & your SO should see you & the relationship as something valuable, as opposed to something that comes too easy. If he backed off when you opened up but started to chase you when you pulled back, take that as a sign. He's not ready to hear you express your feelings yet. They may have been too deep or too intense too early. Proverbially sit on your hands & let him start that first conversation. If you want more than he can give you, you might need to face that head on. Tell him what you need / want & be prepared to walk away if you aren't getting it. The fact that you have only been dating for 4 months & you used the word "perfect" to describe your relationship even though it was in quotes makes me wonder if you have unreasonable expectations & are seeking too much intimacy too fast.
Gaeta Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 I was dating a guy for about 4 months, things were "perfect" and suddenly he began to pull back. I decided to start playing hard to get and he responded accordingly. He's been chasing after me again. I care about him a great deal and want to be with him long term, however, I don't know how to express my feelings to him anymore because what happened. I don't want to play games, I just want us to be together and in love. I'm not sure what to do. About having a conversation on where you both want this relationship to be? How it's suppose to be depends on many things. When you met were you both available to invest yourself, was one of you only looking for casual, how long you both were out of your last relationship. It's a case by case situation. If you are both looking for long term, at 4 months I expect we don't keep track of whom contacts whom any longer. We are starting to introduce friends and family, there is a sense of togetherness developing, there is no more chasing, we know we've got each other.
confidencestands Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 You know, initially your comment really annoyed me but I can see some truth in that, I figured we're both in our 30s and early 40s, we should generally know what we want. What does 4 month into the relationship suppose to look like? It looks uncertain, grim, questioning, suspicious, guarded, unsure and all the other adjectives you can think of. It's when the masks come off and you realize, "Oh, crap, this might lead to something or I'm not really sure it will." It's a time when partners start looking at the real relationship from a realistic sense rather than from their heads in the clouds (how it was in the initial stages of dating). It's a time when the relationship slows down and it's a time to re-evaluate. It's a frustrating stage but depending on how the two of you get through this stage will determine how your relationship will be for the long haul. Even though I want to freak out and go off during this stage, I remain calm and accept it is what it is. You will sooner or later be faced with a decision to make yourself.
d0nnivain Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 You know, initially your comment really annoyed me but I can see some truth in that, I figured we're both in our 30s and early 40s, we should generally know what we want. What does 4 month into the relationship suppose to look like? Sorry. The word perfect early on is a button for me from something having nothing to do with you. It did make me think you were younger than you are. Knowing your real age, I'll amend my advice, be careful. He may be the true game player. You should be able to tell a grown man you like him after 4 months without having him freak out like a scared schoolboy.
Author freetolove Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 Thanks D0n for the honesty. Oddly, I've seem to have lost interest in him. He had really poured on the affections this week at the beginning of the week. We got together and had bad sex. That was probably the best part of the relationship (great sex) but he went limp a few times. He kept telling me that he loved me more then sex. It's not all about sex for me, I wanted more a full relationship but since he wasn't giving me that, the main thing we had was physical chemistry. He became distant after the last time we were together. I reached out to him and his replies were minimal. I'm thinking about canceling our next get-together. Relationships are suppose to fun and loving. This is turning into I don't know what.
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