stillwatersrundeep Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 (edited) Hello, this is my first time actually discussing my own situation on these forums. I think us dumpees are stronger together and so would appreciate any insights into this bizarre behaviour. Long story short.... I met a guy about 3 years ago. It was intense and a whirlwind romance. I felt deeply for him very quickly and he seemed to feel the same way. He blind sided me and stood me up. I struggled but moved on. I don't want to go into too much detail as I wouldn't like him to recognise this story. Now, nearly 3 years later he drops me an email out of the blue. Weirdly it always felt like unfinished business between us. I was able to tell him how I felt and he told me how he misunderstood the situation and said allsorts of things about how I was perfect for him and he deeply regrets what he did in leaving me. He said that he freaked out by the intensity of it and thought that I was having second thoughts.... after a couple of emails back and forth he drops in that he's now engaged but she's not 'the one'. Gut-wrenching. What is going on here? I emailed back and said congratulations and all the things I should have said - then he responded saying 'this will be my last email as I'm feeling unsettled by the feelings that have now been stirred up'. What?! You stirred them yourself! This shouldn't matter anymore but it does! My question is... Why on earth would someone do this? What benefit does he get from this? Edited April 1, 2014 by stillwatersrundeep
Zahara Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 Seems like he's a guy that cannot stay committed. He left you out of nowhere because he was so called afraid of the relationship. Then he married this girl and is probably now making excuses to exit again. Now he doesn't feel for her and is sniffing around you because he's trying to escape the discomfort he feels in his marriage. He's probably seeking a crutch to help ease whatever he is feeling. Don't place too much emphasis on people like this.
Author stillwatersrundeep Posted April 1, 2014 Author Posted April 1, 2014 Thanks Zahara, you're probably right. He's flakey and emotionally immature I guess.
Zahara Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 He's showing you a bad pattern. It would be best to completely ignore him and let him face his own demons. Don't enable his behavior. 2
Lost And Found Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 He was vague about what 'feelings' he was talking about. Feelings about the engagement or feelings about what you both once had? And to say that's his last email? That's bang out of order and totally unfair on you. I would stay clear of this one. He seems to like the attention and drama, honestly you deserve so much better. <3
Allumere Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 People tend not to jump unless they have jumping to land on. It is not your role to be that next lily in the pond. I get the whole romantic idea of lovers that have lost their way only to realize each other is the one BUT when that is the case it is best when they meet again un-attached. If he feels she is not the one, he needs to deal with those feelings and make decisions on his own without distraction. I would not entertain him in your life at this point unless he has jumped (ended engagement), landed in water (no relationship to fall back on), swam to shore (worked through his baggage/emotions) and was there for a bit (was on his own and did a lot of self improvement:)
mercuryshadow Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 How awful for his current partner. Do they have a date set for getting married?
Author stillwatersrundeep Posted April 2, 2014 Author Posted April 2, 2014 Thank you for your insight Allumere. I like your analogy, it makes sense. Even though you know deep down, sometimes it's just better to hear it from someone else. None of those things will happen, of that I am sure. I feel bad for his fiance too :/ particularly as he has since emailed *again* saying he's pretty sure his relationship will be ending in the next few months and he'd like to meet up sometimes (what when you've decided if you want to leave her?)... but then said it's probably best if I don't email back. Bizarre! Needless to say I won't be responding. 1
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