terlaughs Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 I met this guy about 6 weeks ago out in NYC… We met through a friend and hit it off instantaneously, hanging out all night (kissing, but nothing else- I didn’t stay with him although he asked me to). We’ve kept in contact, but didn’t see each other.. (Plans fell through, he canceled on me once)… I also had a death in family and cut off contact for a week or so, as to not get too personal with this guy without ever hanging out with him. I reached back out to him and we met up when I was in the city last week. We had a really great night together and he wound up coming to see me (about an hour and a half away) for an actually date. The chemistry is awesome and our date last weekend was great, too. He spent the night and was pretty pushy/wanted to sleep together.. I wasn’t sure, but wound up giving in.. Unfortunately, he didn’t seem as ready as he would’ve liked to be because the sex was basically a fail- he couldn't make it happen. I still had fun, but directly after the unsuccessful attempt on his part he started opening up about past relationships. He also basically said he felt like a jerk for coming out to see me because we didn’t know what “this” was.. (It was a first date). I said I felt something for him and was willing to see it through/happy he came. My friends mentioned he does get a lot of girls and that he was obsessed with the last girl he seriously dated-last year-where he got burned. He apologized profusely about being so pushy and what not. Also saw a text on his phone while he was with me asking if he was in love yet (from a friend regarding our date).. Our mutual connection even told him not to “mess around with family friends” and he said he wasn’t.. and that was to his own male friend. This week he reached out to me once to ask how I am, but not much else. I kept texts light and airy, but am getting no response now. I feel like he’s backing away/kind of used me, but also got the sense that he really was into me and may have his own hesitations.. I understand a guy isn’t going to fall madly in love after a date, and the distance could be an issue, but why go cold on me like that when there is clear chemistry!? I'm not typically like this.. I am attractive, and confident, not a nag or over the top kind of girl.. He even complemented me on the fact that I have myself together. Any advice? If anything, I can chalk it up to a fun time, and don't think this person was as "great" as I had thought.. but wondering if I should anticipate hearing from him.
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 but directly after the unsuccessful attempt on his part he started opening up about past relationships. He also basically said he felt like a jerk for coming out to see me because we didn’t know what “this” was.. Kind of a red flag. Doesn't seem ready for a relationship. Though if you're into the ONS thing I guess it would be okay but I wouldn't invest in more than that.
GemmaUK Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 I replied to your other post on this subject. There's too much that would worry me. I would block his number. There's too many warning signals for me. 1
confidencestands Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 He spent the night and was pretty pushy/wanted to sleep together.. I wasn’t sure, but wound up giving in.. He also basically said he felt like a jerk for coming out to see me because we didn’t know what “this” was.. (It was a first date). I understand a guy isn’t going to fall madly in love after a date, and the distance could be an issue, but why go cold on me like that when there is clear chemistry!? Any advice? You clearly put the cart in front of the horse. Although you might be confident, giving into his sexual advances so early (without knowing who he really is) has left you feeling confused. However, what's the confusion? Chalk it up to a decision you made that didn't have the best outcome and move on to the next dude. Just remember next time to take your time in getting to know the person before sleeping with them. Then you get to see their real intentions. Had you pushed this dude away or declined his advances, I'm willing to bet his insecurities would have come out eventually and he would have dipped anyway. Hey, at least you saved yourself the heartache later of trying to figure it all out. 1
Author terlaughs Posted April 2, 2014 Author Posted April 2, 2014 right- I totally agree I out cart before horse. I guess the fact that we have a couple mutual friends gave me a feeling of more safety.. Technically we didn't have sex and I would imagine he knows I don't sleep around.. bc he probably asked my friends.. Plus we're 30.. I have a healthy sex drive and I think I would've regretted not having that experience with him... vs feeling bad for giving in. I just don't appreciate that he was so pushy.. in this sitch it came off as something more serious, since he told his friend he wasn't messing around...
confidencestands Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 Treat each situation/person differently and separate from your friends. Girl, I'm damn near 40 and have a healthy sex drive myself. Trust me, it increases as you age. However, I still will not give a man sex until there is exclusivity and/or some type of commitment said. I'm looking for a serious relationship though so that is the standard I have set. This takes time to accomplish (not one date). However, with that being said, I once was your age and fancied a few men that I felt I couldn't pass on. They were just too dern sexy. I slept with them too early but then I really didn't care as I expected nothing from them but sex. I made that clear from the very beginning so that no one felt hurt. That didn't happen quite often but dammit, I'm human!
Author terlaughs Posted April 2, 2014 Author Posted April 2, 2014 haha thanks- yea I honestly never have sex with a guy right away.. but I did find myself really into him, and because of the distance and the fact that it's not easy to get to know somebody who you have to travel a ways to see it makes initial dating stages difficult.. I kinda just went with it.. I've had friends who had axe right away and are now married, so it does happen! (not saying I was going to marry the guy... just surprised I haven't heard from him at allllllll). Could he be embarrassed or hoping I'd reach out? I kinda put it all in his hands. but w/e
soccerrprp Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 right- I totally agree I out cart before horse. I guess the fact that we have a couple mutual friends gave me a feeling of more safety.. Technically we didn't have sex and I would imagine he knows I don't sleep around.. bc he probably asked my friends.. Plus we're 30.. I have a healthy sex drive and I think I would've regretted not having that experience with him... vs feeling bad for giving in. I just don't appreciate that he was so pushy.. in this sitch it came off as something more serious, since he told his friend he wasn't messing around... i can't make you out. you don't want him to think you sleep around, but the first date you were willing to. you say that you would have regretted not having that experience with him...what? huh?! So, if the guy is good enough looking, the experience would have been enough? you're as confusing as the guy is...
Author terlaughs Posted April 2, 2014 Author Posted April 2, 2014 i felt in that moment it was right and safe, but have regrets now because he didn't follow up as I would've liked.. if I'm giving mixed signals out too by all means let me know! I guess I just don't want to think he pushed to just "get some" and then bailed... I'm really not stupid when it comes to these things, I just genuinely felt something was there and swore he did too..
GemmaUK Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 I really can't understand why you would want anything to do with him. He sounds like he would be a controlling nightmare to date.
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