Chatmonkey Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 (edited) I know you will all say yes, so you probably wonder why i make the thread - but i want to share some thoughts before I do I still hurt over her a bit yes, and we were never on bad terms after the break up. However, I do still (after 6 months) find myself on her facebook every few weeks or so... I know I am the only person I should take care of and she is the one that broke up with me etc etc... However, I know she will think im being a dick if i do it. And of course im not, thats just her perception, but as you might understand I dont want to create a rift for the future at all. I was never intending to block her but then I saw she was at a sports game with another guy and now I think i'll probably have to do it for my own sake. I already don't get any of her news on my feed, so the only way i could see her is if i physically go to her page and i dont trust myself anymore to not do that. Would it be out of the question to send her a brief explanation for why I am? Or since it has indeed been 6 months would that look a bit pathetic... How can I do this without offending her or creating some sort of rift that could affect the probable future friendship we have after I am fully over her. (I say probable because she is friends with my best friend and some others and it is highly unlikely that we don't cross paths again) Edited April 1, 2014 by Chatmonkey
loveandwar Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 i blocked my ex from Facebook about 2 months ago, i explained to her why i did it and at the time she said it was fine, but she is definitely pissed off i did it now. if your going to do it, i don't think explaining yourself makes it any easier, if she is with another guy then she really has no right to be pissed at you for doing it, even though she will be. the only thing i would say is it will show you still care, she will more than likely notice you have disappeared, when she tries to search you , you won't turn up in the search feed at all. she will know pretty quickly. so i suppose do you mind her knowing you still are hurt, even after 6 months :/ and if you do block her, don't unblock her to check, it takes 2 days before you can reblock and it looks very petty when you start at that. Luckily i didn't make that mistake but just a warning.
d0nnivain Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 You don't need to explain when you block an EX. It's an act of self preservation. Who needs to see their new picture of them being happy without you? You also don't need your new squeeze wondering who the EX is & if there's something to worry about. 2
Author Chatmonkey Posted April 1, 2014 Author Posted April 1, 2014 i blocked my ex from Facebook about 2 months ago, i explained to her why i did it and at the time she said it was fine, but she is definitely pissed off i did it now. if your going to do it, i don't think explaining yourself makes it any easier, if she is with another guy then she really has no right to be pissed at you for doing it, even though she will be. the only thing i would say is it will show you still care, she will more than likely notice you have disappeared, when she tries to search you , you won't turn up in the search feed at all. she will know pretty quickly. so i suppose do you mind her knowing you still are hurt, even after 6 months :/ and if you do block her, don't unblock her to check, it takes 2 days before you can reblock and it looks very petty when you start at that. Luckily i didn't make that mistake but just a warning. Thanks for your very realistic view on the matter. Given me something to think about and I guess I don't mind her knowing I still care so long as she doesn't try to talk to me about it lol. Do you have the intention of unblocking her in the future?
Author Chatmonkey Posted April 1, 2014 Author Posted April 1, 2014 You don't need to explain when you block an EX. It's an act of self preservation. Who needs to see their new picture of them being happy without you? You also don't need your new squeeze wondering who the EX is & if there's something to worry about. True. Without sounding like an up-myself jerk I am far better looking than him and could probably snap him in half anyway haha so that makes me feel good.
Babolat Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 I know you will all say yes, so you probably wonder why i make the thread - but i want to share some thoughts before I do I still hurt over her a bit yes, and we were never on bad terms after the break up. However, I do still (after 6 months) find myself on her facebook every few weeks or so... I know I am the only person I should take care of and she is the one that broke up with me etc etc... However, I know she will think im being a dick if i do it. And of course im not, thats just her perception, but as you might understand I dont want to create a rift for the future at all. I was never intending to block her but then I saw she was at a sports game with another guy and now I think i'll probably have to do it for my own sake. I already don't get any of her news on my feed, so the only way i could see her is if i physically go to her page and i dont trust myself anymore to not do that. Would it be out of the question to send her a brief explanation for why I am? Or since it has indeed been 6 months would that look a bit pathetic... How can I do this without offending her or creating some sort of rift that could affect the probable future friendship we have after I am fully over her. (I say probable because she is friends with my best friend and some others and it is highly unlikely that we don't cross paths again) I struggled with this for a bit recently with my ex and I was the dumper. I finally decided to unfriend her, not block her, as I did not want to see her "stuff" in my news feed. I never went to her page when we dated or when we did not date. It just felt good to do what I did. I realized the only reason I remained FB friends with her, was for her, not, for me. I agree with those who said you do not need to tell her. I was going to, decided not to, just made no sense and there was no reason to have a discussion about it. She will figure it out on her own and draw her own conclusions.
Hoosfoos Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 You can always deactivate Facebook or not go on. Facebook is garbage. 1
HeartinPain Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 You do not need to explain anything to your ex. What you do is not their concern. I recently unfriended my ex after 4 months NC (7 months BU). He left me for someone else. There were no pictures of them posted, but I rather avoid the self-torture when it eventually happens. The relationship ended very badly. Thus, my ex and I are not friends, so there is no reason to stay facebook friends too.
Author Chatmonkey Posted April 1, 2014 Author Posted April 1, 2014 I would delete facebook but i am overseas for a year and it is a good way to communicate with family and friends whilst i am over here - i also run a facebook page. You are right about the avoiding self-torture part.. so true.. **** it im just gonna do it.
Author Chatmonkey Posted April 1, 2014 Author Posted April 1, 2014 just did it. It actually hurt a bit - oh well.. time to hit the gym and get the **** over it eh 4
Trapito Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 just did it. It actually hurt a bit - oh well.. time to hit the gym and get the **** over it eh You did good. 1
FortunateSon Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 just did it. It actually hurt a bit - oh well.. time to hit the gym and get the **** over it eh Well done! I blocked my ex at the beginning of the year and it was one of the most helpful things I have done post-BU. As others has said, do not unblock her. She broke up with you, she should no longer have the privilege to look into your life. 1
Author Chatmonkey Posted April 2, 2014 Author Posted April 2, 2014 Thank you all so much. It's not just this post, but from the beginning everyone on this forum has been incredibly helpful. And apologies for being a resilient little es h eye Tee at the beginning haha 1
Author Chatmonkey Posted April 2, 2014 Author Posted April 2, 2014 After a 2 hour gym sesh then a run through runyon canyon in LA, I'm hitting up the bars tonight to chat up some ladies. I've had a great day after the block and Feeling excited ready to move on :) 1
Babolat Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 After a 2 hour gym sesh then a run through runyon canyon in LA, I'm hitting up the bars tonight to chat up some ladies. I've had a great day after the block and Feeling excited ready to move on :) Good for you man! Just be prepared for the lows, too. The highs are amazing, have a blast. There will be lows along the way and it seems you now have the "tools" to deal with them.
Trovador Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 You also have to get rid of all her mementos and souvenirs, right? Pictures, notes, gifts... everything... only then, you will be in the real road to recovery and happiness... but feel free to doubt it...
Babolat Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 You also have to get rid of all her mementos and souvenirs, right? Pictures, notes, gifts... everything... only then, you will be in the real road to recovery and happiness... but feel free to doubt it... Just prior to the ex gf and I ending it for the 2nd time, she did something that really pissed me off. I have never done this before. I went thru my house and threw away everything that reminded me of her (even tore up a photo) and put what few personal items she had at my house in a box. I felt like a child at the time. Looking back it was very cathartic for me.
Trovador Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 I see... the motives were different altogether but the results were similar... Like a lot of people here, I used to fool myself believing that I wanted to get over my ex gf while I cherished a (not literal) box of memories that I resisted to throw away... when I did it, it was a symbolical gesture but the healing came in no time... it required cojones though...
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 You can always deactivate Facebook or not go on. Facebook is garbage. Amen!!! Beyond the one slightly valuable factor of keeping in touch with family and friends who don't live in your immediate area... it is TOTAL NARCISSISTIC CRAP!!! My ex was/is a social media whore!!! She can have it!!
DannyCA Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 Amen!!! Beyond the one slightly valuable factor of keeping in touch with family and friends who don't live in your immediate area... it is TOTAL NARCISSISTIC CRAP!!! My ex was/is a social media whore!!! She can have it!! That's funny because so many people (both men and women) wouldn't be anything without social media and the addiction people have to it. But unfortunately for a lot of women like my ex, thrive and need the attention they can get from social media to feel important, special, loved, etc. I remember my ex would delete pictures from instagram if she didn't get so many "likes" within a certain time frame. I think one of the worst cases of addiction to social media I've seen was this co-worker of mine took a picture of her hand holding a rose above her grandmothers coffin. Oh and I know a group of girls who posted pictures of themselves all dolled up and smiling and posing before a funeral for our friend. It's crazy
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 That's funny because so many people (both men and women) wouldn't be anything without social media and the addiction people have to it. But unfortunately for a lot of women like my ex, thrive and need the attention they can get from social media to feel important, special, loved, etc. I remember my ex would delete pictures from instagram if she didn't get so many "likes" within a certain time frame. I think one of the worst cases of addiction to social media I've seen was this co-worker of mine took a picture of her hand holding a rose above her grandmothers coffin. Oh and I know a group of girls who posted pictures of themselves all dolled up and smiling and posing before a funeral for our friend. It's crazy IME - It tends to be more of a female thing. Howerver, I know some dudes who are all over it as well. I find it hilarious. My ex has many, many 'friends' she's never even met. LOL!!! Ridiculous. I consider the people I've met on here to be friends way more than some photo on FB of someone I've never even had a a conversation with. In a way, I knd of feel sorry for people, like my ex, who need so much attention and validation from total strangers. That must suck It's like forever chasing something you will never actually get. Like the donkey with a carrot hanging off a stick 3 feet in front of him...
DannyCA Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 IME - It tends to be more of a female thing. Howerver, I know some dudes who are all over it as well. I find it hilarious. My ex has many, many 'friends' she's never even met. LOL!!! Ridiculous. I consider the people I've met on here to be friends way more than some photo on FB of someone I've never even had a a conversation with. In a way, I knd of feel sorry for people, like my ex, who need so much attention and validation from total strangers. That must suck It's like forever chasing something you will never actually get. Like the donkey with a carrot hanging off a stick 3 feet in front of him... Yeah from what I've seen it does tend to be more females but I couldn't exclude the ridiculous men who do it. Why they need validation from complete strangers is beyond me. But hey power to them. I remember telling my ex to make her profiles private so not just anyone can see and save her pictures. Apparently I was being unreasonable and paranoid lol. But if you need someone who you've never met to tell you "you look sexy" or whatever the hell, cool I guess.
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 But if you need someone who you've never met to tell you "you look sexy" or whatever the hell, cool I guess. It's shallow. It's weak. It's immature. It's selfish. It's narcissistic. Damn. I just described my ex
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