Babolat Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 If it helps, I was scrolling thru Facebook last night and up pops a picture of my ex gf, and she looks amazing, as always. I am still FBed with married couple friends of hers (the husband and the wife) and it was a pic of her going out with the wife. I paused for quite a while and thought about her, us, felt sad for a bit, even questioned myself if ending the relationship was the right thing to do. I have done a lot of introspection over the past 4 weeks, been reading some good books, discovering more about "who she is", wondering if I made the right decsion, if things I saw were really not deal breakers. I replaced those thoughts with what bothered me about her, the relationship, and immediately felt better. Not sure if I wull unfriend her two friends, the husband and the wife as I do like them. I may just so I do not have to "pause" again. I think it's ok to refelct, to pause, to think about what was, would could have been, but then move on. Don't beat yourself up. I left her, for a reason. 2
Author leesc90 Posted April 4, 2014 Author Posted April 4, 2014 If it helps, I was scrolling thru Facebook last night and up pops a picture of my ex gf, and she looks amazing, as always. I am still FBed with married couple friends of hers (the husband and the wife) and it was a pic of her going out with the wife. I paused for quite a while and thought about her, us, felt sad for a bit, even questioned myself if ending the relationship was the right thing to do. I have done a lot of introspection over the past 4 weeks, been reading some good books, discovering more about "who she is", wondering if I made the right decsion, if things I saw were really not deal breakers. I replaced those thoughts with what bothered me about her, the relationship, and immediately felt better. Not sure if I wull unfriend her two friends, the husband and the wife as I do like them. I may just so I do not have to "pause" again. I think it's ok to refelct, to pause, to think about what was, would could have been, but then move on. Don't beat yourself up. I left her, for a reason. i wish could have said i was the one who was in control of the ending/continuing of the relationship haha. unfortunately, being on the cruddier end, dwelling in reflection of what could have been seems to be more prevalent and reoccuring. i hope to be as content with life situations as you are one day.
Author leesc90 Posted April 5, 2014 Author Posted April 5, 2014 update. day 3 of NC, i feel better. for anyone suffering from heartache, find a new hobby. mine = i just signed up for my motorcycle license test. the thrill and excitement of this new venture makes me appreciate life for so many other thigns. 1
iDrumKing Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 update. day 3 of NC, i feel better. for anyone suffering from heartache, find a new hobby. mine = i just signed up for my motorcycle license test. the thrill and excitement of this new venture makes me appreciate life for so many other thigns. I'm happy for you but this is only day 3, so you have a long ways to go. You will get more rushes of emotion. Just be ready for them. I'm not trying trying to put down your progress, just reminding you that the battle isn't over and you should brace yourself. Motorcycle, huh? Crotch rocket or chopper style? 1
Author leesc90 Posted April 5, 2014 Author Posted April 5, 2014 I'm happy for you but this is only day 3, so you have a long ways to go. You will get more rushes of emotion. Just be ready for them. I'm not trying trying to put down your progress, just reminding you that the battle isn't over and you should brace yourself. Motorcycle, huh? Crotch rocket or chopper style? thanks man. its always so nice to have people across the internet who seem to legitimately care about anothers well being, despite never having formally met. im getting a small 250cc sportbike to use to commute to class (a 10 minute drive) and to just cruise occasionally. nothing reckless, im in my mid twenties so i definitely will be responsible and am not impulsively buying due to heartbreaks. im a greasemonkey at heart and am getting very excited. kind of like filling a void of happiness with another outlet. i expect there will be many hard days to come, but i dont dwell in it. i feel if i reinforce that idea then there will be more bad days than necessary, so ill be anticipatory but not expectant if you can understnad hte dichotomy 1
Author leesc90 Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 today is definitely one of those low days.. crazy how emotions/perspective cann fluctuate so.. maybe its the rain..
mikefromtheblock Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 my ex and i broke up last week. we ended our 3 year relationship and 8 year friendship kind of out of the blue. im moving on but want to remember her as a good person, but my ex lied to me about being with this guy when i caught them out somewhere together, the same guy she began talking to more near the end of our relationship. she insists there is nothing to the dynamic except friendship and that the reasons for our breakup were entirely separate. i asked her to show me their texts as a means of retaining my trust. she said "no, you're going to take it the wrong way." is it wrong of me to ask that & to demand it otherwise terminate any sense of friendship down the road. shes been in my life and close to me for over a decade. i dont want to have to go down this way If you truly want to move on and think you need changes in your life, you won't bother and waste your precious time by trying to prove yourself something that it's already obvious. 2
Author leesc90 Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 she messaged me on chat today. i talked to her as a friend. it wasnt good/bad, just a friendly chat. i don want to ignore her and i think im strong enough to just stay in touch as friends. bad move?.. good move?..
Author leesc90 Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 So, my ex of 2.5 years dumped me back in february due to her thinking we're not right for each other. As hard as it was, I went NC immediately after. About a week ago, she contacts me saying. "hey are you still awake, i cant sleep and i was just wondering how you were doing". I was debating responding, but my emotions got the best of me and i responded, just saying i was well. She contacted me again the next day and asked to catch up over some coffee in the evening. i obliged, but at the end of it i asked, "why are you contacting me" as i did not want to just be some doormat or be strung along just because shes bored. she replied, its because i was had convinced myself for the first 1.5 months that i was doing the right thing, but im not so sure anymore. i go back and forth everyday. i figure she said this because i had appeared as though i had been moving on. so, now i told her in a long letter (to which she says she will keep forever) to figure her stuff out sometime soon, if she decides she wants to be with me then i'll make sure she never regrets it. however, she hasnt made up her mind and contacts me for the past 5 days. LS, im wondering is this her way of opening up to me? giving me another shot? or is it her way of just stringing me alone. do i say lets not talk, or use this opportunity to rebuild the bond slowly?
malin819 Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 wait it out don't chase that way you'll see if she really meant what she said and really does come back no point in chasing if she dumped you buddy 1
Babolat Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 i talked to her as a friend No such thing my friend at this point in your break up. NC means, NC. Do it. 1
Babolat Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 so, now i told her in a long letter (to which she says she will keep forever) to figure her stuff out sometime soon, if she decides she wants to be with me then i'll make sure she never regrets it. I hate to tell you this, but this was a big mistake. Do not "be there for her when she is ready". Move on my friend, move on and move forward. 1
rec88 Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Her contacting you is like dipping her toe into the pool. If it's cold, she can go home without getting wet. If it's warm, maybe she will put her foot in, or maybe she'll decide she doesn't feel like swimming after all. It's all about minimizing risk to herself and getting what she wants, even though she doesn't know what that is. At your expense. I'm not saying that she isn't worth it because I don't know you or her. I am saying that she is going about it the wrong way and it's disrespectful to you. 1
Author leesc90 Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 i agree guys. i want to with her more than anything, but im just trying to go about this the best way. do you guys think me just saying, hey. i dont think we should talk, either we work on what we have together as a couple, or we go our seperate ways is a good decision? i know she will retort with, but i just dont know im confused and dont know what i should do right now. maybe me being around will help lean her towards me. she told me last time we hung out that was the case. thanks everyone, you guys are so helpful
Author leesc90 Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 i also told her i wouldnt wait for her, and if too much time goes by itll be too late. but i feel like this much contact isnt gonna give her a chance to contemplate and consider
Babolat Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 (edited) i agree guys. i want to with her more than anything, but im just trying to go about this the best way. do you guys think me just saying, hey. i dont think we should talk, either we work on what we have together as a couple, or we go our seperate ways is a good decision? i know she will retort with, but i just dont know im confused and dont know what i should do right now. maybe me being around will help lean her towards me. she told me last time we hung out that was the case. thanks everyone, you guys are so helpful Just go NC, and stick to it. There is no need IMHO to give her any explanations, why this and why that, just stop contact, now. You told her to go work on herself, figure things out, now let her go, and you do the same, work on you, move forward. My ex gf, and I was the dumper, spent 8 months post break up telling me how she was working on herself, yet she was not ready to date again. I had no desire to date her so I just listened. I never contacted her. Eventually she did come back with "I want to try again, I have worked on me, and have had enough time to see that the self work is what I wanted". I listened, tried, yet it was never the same and after a couple of months my heart was just not into it. I was forcing myself to feel it, it was just never there. Edited April 29, 2014 by Babolat
rec88 Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I agree with Babolat. She doesn't seem to be able to cut herself off from you. The only move I see here is for you to do it for her. Tell her that, and she can have nothing but respect for you for being your strong-willed self. I would suggest not saying "either we work as a couple, or we go our separate ways." It sounds less demanding if you say something like "I respect your choice, now I need to do my own thing and I can't have you along." The bottom line is act off her choice to leave, not her indecision now. 1
Author leesc90 Posted April 30, 2014 Author Posted April 30, 2014 so tough.. i want her back so bad. i feel like its right there..
beach Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 so tough.. i want her back so bad. i feel like its right there.. Then stay away from her and let her chase you. Plus she needs time alone to work through HER issues of hurting men.
Author leesc90 Posted April 30, 2014 Author Posted April 30, 2014 i feel like she is chasing me good sir. she texts/calls me everyday throughout the day.
Author leesc90 Posted April 30, 2014 Author Posted April 30, 2014 UPDATE: so, i went over with flowers and some snacks to help her as she crams for finals. she kissed me, was super appreciative, and said i was looking very hot. things were great. i went home, and she calls me with a sudden change of voice, telling me that we shouldnt be talking and that shes sorry for stringing me along but that it just doesnt feel right. i obliged, and said alright.. thanks for 9 years and i hung up. looks like its NC all the way. back to square 1..
Elle1975 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 UPDATE: so, i went over with flowers and some snacks to help her as she crams for finals. she kissed me, was super appreciative, and said i was looking very hot. things were great. i went home, and she calls me with a sudden change of voice, telling me that we shouldnt be talking and that shes sorry for stringing me along but that it just doesnt feel right. i obliged, and said alright.. thanks for 9 years and i hung up. looks like its NC all the way. back to square 1.. Tough. I'm sorry.
Author leesc90 Posted April 30, 2014 Author Posted April 30, 2014 thanks man... for some reason this time hurts worse than the first
Elle1975 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 thanks man... for some reason this time hurts worse than the first Well maybe because now you have to go back to square one: dealing with the break up. And then you find yourself topping it off with false hope and rejection. That's rough.
flitzanu Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 my ex and i broke up last week. we ended our 3 year relationship and 8 year friendship kind of out of the blue. im moving on but want to remember her as a good person, but my ex lied to me about being with this guy when i caught them out somewhere together, the same guy she began talking to more near the end of our relationship. she insists there is nothing to the dynamic except friendship and that the reasons for our breakup were entirely separate. i asked her to show me their texts as a means of retaining my trust. she said "no, you're going to take it the wrong way." is it wrong of me to ask that & to demand it otherwise terminate any sense of friendship down the road. shes been in my life and close to me for over a decade. i dont want to have to go down this way you broke up, no you have no right to see her phone. also you really don't have a right to see her phone even if you were dating.
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