Ex wont show me her phone [new update]

[leesc90]

A lot of times, our Ex's contact us for an ego boost. One day, she might be having a bad day and her boyfriend or whoever isn't one to listen and understand what she's feeling. Therefore, they tend to contact us, because we know them best. They want to use us as an emotional tampon. To make them feel better. And then once they get their ego boost from you, then you're back in the gutter. And it destroys any healing that you've had thus far. Sets you back a few pegs in your healing.

 

 

Yeah, I just read your last sentence. YOU NEED TO BLOCK HER ON FACEBOOK FOR THAT VERY REASON!! You don't need to see that crap and, trust me, she thinks things are cool, then that crap will be going up. Plus, she might try to contact you asking why you blocked her on Facebook. Ignore it.

 

 

By ignoring her, you give her nothing. She doesn't know where your head is at. She doesn't know if you hate her, or mad, or sad, or even indifferent. You give her NOTHING.

 

 

Besides, she's the one that ended it with you. She made the choice to have you out of her life. So, you give her exactly what she's asked for. She gave up that right to know how you are.

 

 

luckily she has no facebook, just worried that her friends will post photos of them together.

 

also, if he and she start dating (i am currently a friend/acquaintence) of that guy. do i just leave it be? or defriend, denounce, etc. them two?

[WYSWYG]

I wanna share this w/ u, OP.

 

My ex left me for someone we both know. She went after him aggressively. I was really cool w/ the guy before this happened and couldn't really hate him after. Everyone in our group felt the same about him.

 

I saw them 2 months after the BU at a party w/ the same circle of friends. She was not friendly. He came over and shook hands like we normally do. Got into a conversation and laugh a little. You should have seen her face when she saw this. I heard they were fighting when they left the party.

 

My friends were concerned but I was surprisingly nonchalant that night - I can't even explain why. Haven't seen them since.....

[leesc90]

I wanna share this w/ u, OP.

 

My ex left me for someone we both know. She went after him aggressively. I was really cool w/ the guy before this happened and couldn't really hate him after. Everyone in our group felt the same about him.

 

I saw them 2 months after the BU at a party w/ the same circle of friends. She was not friendly. He came over and shook hands like we normally do. Got into a conversation and laugh a little. You should have seen her face when she saw this. I heard they were fighting when they left the party.

 

My friends were concerned but I was surprisingly nonchalant that night - I can't even explain why. Haven't seen them since.....

 

interesting man. thanks for sharing. i wish could be as nonchalant as you. the only difference in our stories is that i know hes going after her aggressively unfortunately

[Strength in Healing]

Eh, I mean, dude, you are about about to graduate law school. For that alone, I wager heavily that she is the one who is losing in this situation.

[leesc90]

Eh, I mean, dude, you are about about to graduate law school. For that alone, I wager heavily that she is the one who is losing in this situation.

 

thanks man, i needed to hear that. in all fairness, the girl is super pretty, kickass personality MINUS her need to run from problems and emotional fluctuations. haha.

 

anyone else struggle with the idea that they lost the best they might ever find? i battle this everyday.

[Strength in Healing]

anyone else struggle with the idea that they lost the best they might ever find? i battle this everyday.

 

 

Every one of us feel that way. That is the most common thing most of us feel.

 

My ex fiance runs from her problems. Got with another guy after 2 weeks, moved in with him. I mean, that kind of made me wake up and realize I could find better. Sounds like your situation is quite similar.

 

It isn't hard to find someone better than a girl who would lie to you and get with someone else so fast.

[leesc90]

yeah, i wish now she wasnt so pretty and easy to talk to. if i had more definite proof she was doing this i feel like itd be easier to move on. i guess time will tell

[bluegreen]

yeah, i wish now she wasnt so pretty and easy to talk to. if i had more definite proof she was doing this i feel like itd be easier to move on. i guess time will tell

 

 

 

 

Oh my well if she was not so pretty part :rolleyes:

[beach]

yeah, i wish now she wasnt so pretty and easy to talk to. if i had more definite proof she was doing this i feel like itd be easier to move on. i guess time will tell

 

If she wasn't doing something sneaky - she would have shown you her phone

[leesc90]

If she wasn't doing something sneaky - she would have shown you her phone

 

yeah... that bitch. why do i still want her .. haha

[DannyCA]

luckily she has no facebook, just worried that her friends will post photos of them together.

 

also, if he and she start dating (i am currently a friend/acquaintence) of that guy. do i just leave it be? or defriend, denounce, etc. them two?

 

No man don't do all of that. You don't have to defriend anyone or anything like that. If you ever see her or him or them together, just be cordial, friendly, and short.

 

Otherwise it's NC for you cause like I said this uncertainty will kill her inside with all the wondering she will be doing.

 

She will think all of this plus some:

 

-is he mad?

-is he really happy without me?

-is he sad?

-is he seeing someone else?

-did I make a mistake?

-etc

 

You are eventually going to see pictures of her as you have mutual friends on FB or whatever. Don't worry about it. I actually deleted my FB cause I didn't want to be updated on her life and I deleted her and her bestfriend on instagram to avoid pictures, but I still have a ton of mutual friends that like her pictures so I end up seeing them on my friends feed. I just ignore them.

 

Dude everything is so fresh cause you said it's only been a week right? You have a long way to go, just keep on posting and reading on loveshack, you'll get there!

 

I didn't find LS until about 8 months after my BU. I definitely could have avoided some mistakes and moved on faster if I found this site sooner. Oh well you live and you learn.

 

Good luck brotha!

[lolablue17]

Your main power now is full and complete total NC!!!!

 

Dont lose that power over a stupid small temptation like "I just want to ask her something" or "maybe if she contacts me i still have a chance in the future" or "why not be just friend with her"? NO NO NO NO!

 

Not like you - she knows exactly whats written in those messages.

She knows that if she showed you the messages, she is going to lose you as a friend! Thats why she takes the risk. there is no risk for her.

 

It's good that she thinks everything is OK. Dont answer any of her calls, mails, texts, nothing!

[Babolat]

thanks man, i needed to hear that. in all fairness, the girl is super pretty, kickass personality MINUS her need to run from problems and emotional fluctuations. haha.

 

anyone else struggle with the idea that they lost the best they might ever find? i battle this everyday.

 

Read every post I started last year and this year on my ex. Beautiful, stunning, amazing looks (seriously, she had a barbie doll body and looks, a major head turner), charming, intelligent, fun to be with, extrovert, the kind everybody loves to be around, she adored me, loved me, but......

 

Listen to your words, she is super pretty, kickass personality, BUT.....focus on the BUTs.

[sooshi]

A healthy relationship consists in part of two individuals who don't run away from their problems and who are emotionally stable. It sounds like you dodged a bullet.

[leesc90]

Read every post I started last year and this year on my ex. Beautiful, stunning, amazing looks (seriously, she had a barbie doll body and looks, a major head turner), charming, intelligent, fun to be with, extrovert, the kind everybody loves to be around, she adored me, loved me, but......

 

Listen to your words, she is super pretty, kickass personality, BUT.....focus on the BUTs.

 

are there really women with no BUTs?... :\

 

time to go no contact. i feel like i can make up so many stupid reasons to contact her, and she always replies sooner or later. man i hate being weak. time to sack up ..

[Chi townD]

are there really women with no BUTs?... :\

 

time to go no contact. i feel like i can make up so many stupid reasons to contact her, and she always replies sooner or later. man i hate being weak. time to sack up ..

 

 

 

That's the spirit!

 

 

Look, I know you're hurting. But, the simple fact is, she's choosing not to be with you. So, why try to hang around where you're not wanted?

 

 

She didn't want you to look in her phone because she KNEW there were inappropriate texts in there. If it was innocent, even though she had no obligation to show you, she would have taken great pleasure into showing you that there was nothing there and making you feel stupid for thinking such a thing. Thus, it would give her a feeling of being vindicated.

 

 

Then, when she knew that she been caught out, she offered not to see him one on one. Why would she do that? Because she didn't want you to think that she left for this guy. But, the simple fact is, she did. And seeing him one on one doesn't mean that she won't flat out see him. It means that she would see him with a group of people. But, you know what happens when a group of people get together? People break off and go one on one. So, that was a lie. And the simple fact that she won't give

him up completely should tell you that she values him more than you. She dumped you and is willing to walk away from you. But, she isn't willing to give this dude up completely.

 

 

So, your best option is to walk away and go NC. Heal from this and start making positive changes in your life.

[leesc90]

That's the spirit!

 

 

Look, I know you're hurting. But, the simple fact is, she's choosing not to be with you. So, why try to hang around where you're not wanted?

 

 

She didn't want you to look in her phone because she KNEW there were inappropriate texts in there. If it was innocent, even though she had no obligation to show you, she would have taken great pleasure into showing you that there was nothing there and making you feel stupid for thinking such a thing. Thus, it would give her a feeling of being vindicated.

 

 

Then, when she knew that she been caught out, she offered not to see him one on one. Why would she do that? Because she didn't want you to think that she left for this guy. But, the simple fact is, she did. And seeing him one on one doesn't mean that she won't flat out see him. It means that she would see him with a group of people. But, you know what happens when a group of people get together? People break off and go one on one. So, that was a lie. And the simple fact that she won't give

him up completely should tell you that she values him more than you. She dumped you and is willing to walk away from you. But, she isn't willing to give this dude up completely.

 

 

So, your best option is to walk away and go NC. Heal from this and start making positive changes in your life.

 

its amazing how people can analyze your situation from the outside so much clearer than we can from the insiders clouded mind.

this is all so true. she will state that she has no obligation to do anything for me because we are broken up, but i find that objection to be a scapegoat to hide/deny inappropriate behavior that she did at the end of the relationship..

 

im hurting guys, but i cant let this own me. i wish i knew realistic steps to get over this hump other than NC, but i hope this board will aid in the road to being whole again.

[Chi townD]

Will doing NC help you heal and move on? Yep! it will!

 

 

Will doing NC in conjunction with making positive changes in your life help you to heal and move on more quickly? ABSOLUTELY!

 

 

So, what are these positive changes? Some are a little time consuming and some you can do today.

 

 

You need to go out and get a new hairstyle, something people will notice and like. You need to go get a new wardrobe. If you're a t-shirt and jeans kind of guy. Change that to buttondown shirt, hipster tie, vest, designer jeans and leather shoes. Total GQ 24/7. You want people to say, "DAMN DUDE! Looking sharp!" This is going to help build up your self esteem.

 

 

Then, get to a gym. Start running you ass off on the treadmill and pushing weight. This will help you burn off any stress and frustrations. Plus, if you eat right and get plenty of sleep, then you'll be working on that rock hard bod that girls are definitely going to notice! That's going to help your self esteem as well.

 

 

Then, go back to school and get that degree. If you have a bachelor's degree already, then get a Masters. Stay in the classroom and get your mind there and not what she's doing. Plus, a better education is going to open a lot of doors for you and improve your financial situation. Then, you can afford all the things you dreamed of have. Nice townehouse, an awesome car.....

 

 

Then, find a new hobby. Something you like and enjoy. There's usually clubs in your area with people with the same interests. Join them! Get out there and meet new people and do fun things together. So, join a running club, or a cycling club, or dive lessons, or photography class, or cooking class, or men's soccer league. Anything to get you out and meeting people.

 

 

Then, finally, travel. Go see the world! Go see something new! Meet people from different cultures and different backgrounds. If you ever wanted to see England, Germany, Ireland, France....save and go! Have an adventure.

 

 

The best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good life.

[Babolat]

Will doing NC help you heal and move on? Yep! it will!

 

 

Will doing NC in conjunction with making positive changes in your life help you to heal and move on more quickly? ABSOLUTELY!

 

 

So, what are these positive changes? Some are a little time consuming and some you can do today.

 

 

You need to go out and get a new hairstyle, something people will notice and like. You need to go get a new wardrobe. If you're a t-shirt and jeans kind of guy. Change that to buttondown shirt, hipster tie, vest, designer jeans and leather shoes. Total GQ 24/7. You want people to say, "DAMN DUDE! Looking sharp!" This is going to help build up your self esteem.

 

 

Then, get to a gym. Start running you ass off on the treadmill and pushing weight. This will help you burn off any stress and frustrations. Plus, if you eat right and get plenty of sleep, then you'll be working on that rock hard bod that girls are definitely going to notice! That's going to help your self esteem as well.

 

 

Then, go back to school and get that degree. If you have a bachelor's degree already, then get a Masters. Stay in the classroom and get your mind there and not what she's doing. Plus, a better education is going to open a lot of doors for you and improve your financial situation. Then, you can afford all the things you dreamed of have. Nice townehouse, an awesome car.....

 

 

Then, find a new hobby. Something you like and enjoy. There's usually clubs in your area with people with the same interests. Join them! Get out there and meet new people and do fun things together. So, join a running club, or a cycling club, or dive lessons, or photography class, or cooking class, or men's soccer league. Anything to get you out and meeting people.

 

 

Then, finally, travel. Go see the world! Go see something new! Meet people from different cultures and different backgrounds. If you ever wanted to see England, Germany, Ireland, France....save and go! Have an adventure.

 

 

The best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good life.

 

Well said. After I moved out of the house from my marriage 3+ years ago, I thought life was over for me. 44, going thru a divorce, everything "me" was tied up in the marriage.

 

I started going to the gym more.

 

I started working on my friendships more.

 

I joined MeetUps.

 

I started road and mountain biking, Yoga, Spinning.

 

I went to counseling/therapy.

 

I changed jobs; yup, I felt like I needed to.

 

After moving back into the house I made the house "mine" by replacing anything that reminded me of "us".

 

Because I was losing weight (I was thin to begin with), I completely changed my wardrobe. I'm not even sure I have any of the clothes from when I was married. I've always liked to dress nice; but now I get called "Metro" all the time and get complements on how I dress.

 

No contact came easy for some reason; not sure why other than in my mind I was done with the relationship too.

 

New friends who know me now, when I share this story, are amazed. Especially with my "lack of dating confidence" and where I am now. Old friends who knew me then comment on how much I have changed, for the better.

 

This, is an opportunity for you man! Embrace it.

[leesc90]

Will doing NC help you heal and move on? Yep! it will!

 

 

Will doing NC in conjunction with making positive changes in your life help you to heal and move on more quickly? ABSOLUTELY!

 

 

So, what are these positive changes? Some are a little time consuming and some you can do today.

 

 

You need to go out and get a new hairstyle, something people will notice and like. You need to go get a new wardrobe. If you're a t-shirt and jeans kind of guy. Change that to buttondown shirt, hipster tie, vest, designer jeans and leather shoes. Total GQ 24/7. You want people to say, "DAMN DUDE! Looking sharp!" This is going to help build up your self esteem.

 

 

Then, get to a gym. Start running you ass off on the treadmill and pushing weight. This will help you burn off any stress and frustrations. Plus, if you eat right and get plenty of sleep, then you'll be working on that rock hard bod that girls are definitely going to notice! That's going to help your self esteem as well.

 

 

Then, go back to school and get that degree. If you have a bachelor's degree already, then get a Masters. Stay in the classroom and get your mind there and not what she's doing. Plus, a better education is going to open a lot of doors for you and improve your financial situation. Then, you can afford all the things you dreamed of have. Nice townehouse, an awesome car.....

 

 

Then, find a new hobby. Something you like and enjoy. There's usually clubs in your area with people with the same interests. Join them! Get out there and meet new people and do fun things together. So, join a running club, or a cycling club, or dive lessons, or photography class, or cooking class, or men's soccer league. Anything to get you out and meeting people.

 

 

Then, finally, travel. Go see the world! Go see something new! Meet people from different cultures and different backgrounds. If you ever wanted to see England, Germany, Ireland, France....save and go! Have an adventure.

 

 

The best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good life.

 

 

Thanks for the tips. I still have a year left to finish my law degree, I work out atleast 5 times a week, but i still have so much time where im sitting, wondering, restraining myself from calling my ex. Ill definitely try to work on my attire and hopefully travel some if finances allow. it seems pretty clear that the consensus is not LC but NC.

[ThatMan]

leesc90, there's another way to look at this.

 

She has to treat you as a friend to be considered a friend. She did not treat you in a friendly way by the sound of to. Your descriptions sounds more like she's been anything but a friend to you. Do not allow this person to hinder your life. Now is the time to focus on yourself and finish that degree. You do not need her in order to achieve exactly that.

Edited April 2, 2014 by ThatMan

[lauri]

Thanks for the tips. I still have a year left to finish my law degree, I work out atleast 5 times a week, but i still have so much time where I am sitting, wondering, restraining myself from calling my ex. Ill definitely try to work on my attire and hopefully travel some if finances allow. it seems pretty clear that the consensus is not LC but NC.

 

Think of it this way...why would you want to contact someone who hurt you and lied to you? Assume she is defiantly with the other guy. You need to maintain NC because it will allow you to regain control of your emotions and have a clear mind when situations with her pop up in the future (b/c she will reach out eventually if you disappear).

 

I can almost guarantee if you maintain NC she will start to question her decision and wonder if she made the right choice. You have everything to gain by maintaining NC and everything to lose by talking to her.

 

Keep doing what you are doing - every day you go without talking to her the more stronger you will become.

[leesc90]

Think of it this way...why would you want to contact someone who hurt you and lied to you? Assume she is defiantly with the other guy. You need to maintain NC because it will allow you to regain control of your emotions and have a clear mind when situations with her pop up in the future (b/c she will reach out eventually if you disappear).

 

I can almost guarantee if you maintain NC she will start to question her decision and wonder if she made the right choice. You have everything to gain by maintaining NC and everything to lose by talking to her.

 

Keep doing what you are doing - every day you go without talking to her the more stronger you will become.

 

UPDATE:

she just called me today about something task related. but we ended up talking for almost an hour about life and how she was stressed about something that had just happened. i should have hung up, i was waiting for cues that she wanted to end the convo, but only ended it bc she had finally gotten home. i dont want to be a doormat, as much as i enjoyed speaking to her.

 

she texts me an hour later apologizing saying she shouldnt have talked or said anything to me. and that we shouldnt see each other at all.

Edited April 2, 2014 by leesc90

[leesc90]

hit a new rock bottom when she told me over text that we aren't to be communicating at all because it's necessary for me to move on. she basically texted me saying she has no feelings for me doesnt wanna lead me on and doesn't want to talk or see each other at all until we (mostly me) both view each other as friends.. hopes for reconciliation have reached zero..

Edited April 2, 2014 by leesc90

[leesc90]

any additional input really helps guys. thank you all.