Noproblem Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 (edited) I talked with myself today. It was a good talk. Firstly, I shouldn't feel bad that he was interested in me than he moved on and now is trying his luck with somebody else. Actullly he tried with me for about a month and I ingnored him For what it worth, I am not the left puppy here. I was cold and indifferent. I pretended he doesn't exist. It's true that it hurts too much now to get my own medicine, get ignored by him now. But I really, shouldn't feel ashamed, he doesn't know how crazy I am about him, he only knows that he tried and never got Anywhere with me. It will take time, but I will get him out of system. Like anyone else in my life, and yeah I wish him happiness ( not really, but I do) Secondly, I shouldn't care if he or any other guy caught me looking at him or not, we go to the same gym, school and it happens accidentally, Third, I shouldn't feel guilty or ashamed because they are younger than me. Actually, I didn't pursue any of them, and I look young and most people think iam 20 so it's not my fault that people my age look like they 'are really old. I should be proud and flattered. So what, I am single. I hate marriage, I always hated it and even in my dreams when I am about to get married, I feel my life is ending. I didn't put any makeup on my face today, and I looked good regardless. I love make up, I don't put a lot of make up, but I love it. Stil, iam beautiful with or withiout it. I am not really super beautiful or anything , I look cute or attractive most of the times, i take care of myself, my hair, my outfit. I am working on my body to be very athletic. I go to the gym twice some days. I have goals, I wanna be somebody. I excel at my schools keeping my gpa high. I have a difficult family, came from a troubled country and been through hell, but I survived. I have accent which I hate, but I've only been here for less than 2 years, my accent will get better. I try to be nice to people, some are nice and some are straight mean, but that's ok. They are only because I let them. I am proud to be liberal even though i came from a very conservative culture. I am proud to be vegetarian even though I loved meat so much. I am very content that I got out of the belief system. I am not anti religions nor pro religions. In this life we all are brothers and sisters and I don't believe your god will put people in hell just because they were born in Africa, India, Europe, Middle East, or china . Meaning most if you don't choose ur religion and don't really think about it being right or not. I am honest and sincere, being good will hurt me, but I won't accept myself if I become a bad person. ( note I always don't believe people who claim they are honest or sincere؛ feel free not to believe me ) I'll help you even if you laugh at me, not because iam weak, but because I am better than you. Yes, I have problems, when I like someone I can't look at him, but everyone has his own problems. I think when I am ready from the inside, I will change. So what the problem, If on some parts I am not really mature enough, it's boring to be an adult all the time anyway and I refuse to be like that! I have the right to be fool and silly and childish sometimes... It's ok! For the most part: I don't owe anybody anything. You are welcome to live my life and let's see how you survive! Edited April 1, 2014 by Noproblem 1
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