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Last minute date


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Posted

Had a nice weekend with the woman I'm dating. Spent the weekend together, but unfortunately, there wasn't any 'alone' time. We had a friend/friends around the whole weekend.

 

Quite frankly, we've only had a couple hours to ourselves in the last few times we've been together. But definitely the relationship seems to be building. Things have been slow - but always building.

 

We aren't going to have much of a chance to see each other until the following weekend (almost two weeks).

 

Tonight is a weekly get together with some friends. I don't know if she's planning to go tonight because she has a lot of work to take care of this evening. I thought about inviting her out for a quick dinner near her house. I'd have to text because she doesn't have her phone until after work.

 

Having seen her over the weekend and we chatted last night - is it too much? We may not have a mutually workable evening for a 'date', after tonight, until we go on our trip in almost two weeks. I'd like to have some one-on-one time with her prior to then. Last week we did the same thing - I met her up near her house after work and took her to a short dinner before letting her get to work.

 

I honestly don't think it's clingy. I think if I knew I'd see her Friday or the weekend..it might be. But since it will be two weeks..I don't think it is. Besides, I'm assuming this is a woman who likes me and enjoys spending time with me (though she does get consumed with work during the week). If she doesn't, not sure what the last six weeks have been about. lol

Posted

I would normally say go for it but I do wonder if right now it may be best for u to just leave it on this occasion... she may well turn up tonight anyway but I think playing it a bit cool wont do u any harm x

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Posted

why normally yes..but tonight...no?

Posted

Yes, ask her out. Make the most of the time you have. If a guy wasn't interested in seeing me for a whole fortnight I would presume he wasn't into me and move on.

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Posted

Nice - two absolutely conflicting pieces of advice. :-) Love LS!

 

Having responded to another person's post - it re-oriented me that I should ask her out. I don't believe in playing games or trying to figure out what her perception is about it. I like her, I like spending time with her. I've accepted that a relationship with her is slow and I'll be showing more of my cards first.

 

I've kinda trusted my gut through this whole relationship (sometimes against the advice here).

 

I guess what I look for on LS if I'm way over the top about insecurities.

 

How can it really be wrong to ask out a woman you like, and you perceive likes you. Is she really going to stop dating me because I asked her out two days after our last time together? Maybe if I kept doing it every day - but since we won't have a chance to go out for awhile...I can't imagine it's clingy.

 

But I am curious why heartbroken thinks I should pause.

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Posted

I get that all the time lol... its so frustrating with conflicting advice! x

 

The reason I say it is because if my memory serves me correctly (which it may well not!! lol) then u had a bit of a rocky start with her and u were worried she may have lost interest (please tell me that was u that wrote that! lol) and I just think maybe it might be best right now to just play it a bit cool.. u have mentioned u had little one to one time together and things were moving forward but slowly now this could be down to a lot of different reasons but I just think "slowly, slowly catchy monkey" xx

Posted

Im not talking about game playing BTW just maybe follow the pace for now rather than lead the way... just until things have advanced a little more x

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Posted

Yeah - I don't know if things were ever 'rocky' or my perception. I can tell you that every single date or day together..things have progressed juuuust a tiny bit further than the previous time together.

 

What may be perceived as 'rocky' was my incessant concern between dates. She is EXTREMELY bottled up with her emotions. To get her to say anything about how she feels about me - good or bad is nearly impossible without me coming out and just asking her (which I won't because that would be uncomfortable for her and me). So it's small actions like sitting next to me and leaning against me on the couch with friends over. Or lying in bed (no sex, simply not much of an opportunity..but her squeezing my arm).

 

My biggest thing is fighting this notion that I'm always proving myself to her and the affection is only one way. I don't believe it is. She's never EVER indicated for me to stop being affectionate or 'blow off' a kiss. Honestly, it's insecurities from a very corrupt marriage. I don't really have them anymore - I'm a very confident guy. But I couldn't have picked a tougher woman, based on my history, to get involved with.

 

There are other women who have very much indicated interest in me. But you can't help who you like...and she is WEELLL worth the pain :)

  • Like 1
Posted
Yeah - I don't know if things were ever 'rocky' or my perception. I can tell you that every single date or day together..things have progressed juuuust a tiny bit further than the previous time together.

 

What may be perceived as 'rocky' was my incessant concern between dates. She is EXTREMELY bottled up with her emotions. To get her to say anything about how she feels about me - good or bad is nearly impossible without me coming out and just asking her (which I won't because that would be uncomfortable for her and me). So it's small actions like sitting next to me and leaning against me on the couch with friends over. Or lying in bed (no sex, simply not much of an opportunity..but her squeezing my arm).

 

My biggest thing is fighting this notion that I'm always proving myself to her and the affection is only one way. I don't believe it is. She's never EVER indicated for me to stop being affectionate or 'blow off' a kiss. Honestly, it's insecurities from a very corrupt marriage. I don't really have them anymore - I'm a very confident guy. But I couldn't have picked a tougher woman, based on my history, to get involved with.

 

There are other women who have very much indicated interest in me. But you can't help who you like...and she is WEELLL worth the pain :)

 

Aww I wish mine thought that about me! the funny thing is thats what my ex always said about me! Im like a Dime bar... but well worth the effort apparently!

 

She sounds like me, infact i think I may have commented on a post of yours about her being bottled up (like me!).. there is no man that has ever won me over by showing over interest... I like the ones that make me work a little if shes the same then keep it well balanced and dont go after her anymore than she does for u... x let her work for u sometimes... I might not be that interested in someone straight off but I certainly notice and up my game when they dont seem to be that interested anymore x

 

We are all equals x

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Posted

Interesting advice. How about this though. Let's say she is bottled up because she hasn't had many relationships in the past and what she has had have all been short in duration. Over the last couple of years, not much dating at all. She didn't have much a great role model fore relationship at home, from what I understand.

 

We built a very strong friendship that has had an opportunity to blossom more because I keep being forward (for the most part - she probably precipitated the situation that allowed us to try and make love). And admittedly, she's been the only one to actually say the words to others that we are 'dating'.

 

Maybe she really isn't that much into me and I'm wrong with my perception. But I truly feel like unless she's 100% comfortable she's not going to open up. I fear she'll think I'm losing interest and 'clam up' more.

 

She isn't a classic case..and it's frustrating. lol. 99% of the time this lack of someone reciprocating, I'd be done and out. But I just feel like this is her. And when we are together everything perfect and great....

  • Like 1
Posted
Interesting advice. How about this though. Let's say she is bottled up because she hasn't had many relationships in the past and what she has had have all been short in duration. Over the last couple of years, not much dating at all. She didn't have much a great role model fore relationship at home, from what I understand.

 

We built a very strong friendship that has had an opportunity to blossom more because I keep being forward (for the most part - she probably precipitated the situation that allowed us to try and make love). And admittedly, she's been the only one to actually say the words to others that we are 'dating'.

 

Maybe she really isn't that much into me and I'm wrong with my perception. But I truly feel like unless she's 100% comfortable she's not going to open up. I fear she'll think I'm losing interest and 'clam up' more.

 

She isn't a classic case..and it's frustrating. lol. 99% of the time this lack of someone reciprocating, I'd be done and out. But I just feel like this is her. And when we are together everything perfect and great....

 

Are u sure we are not dating each other?! lol! x

 

No I think she is into u... u would feel it when u were with her if she wasnt but honestly its an equal playing field so keep it fair... if she hasnt had a role model (my dad was who I learnt everything from) then she may be a little more 'male' in her attempts at a RS x she's not going to play the 'woman' role but more an equal x

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Posted

"then she may be a little more 'male' in her attempts at a RS x she's not going to play the 'woman' role but more an equal x"

 

- It's funny that's the feeling I get sometimes..she's more aloof, like a guy might be early in the relationship.

 

"No I think she is into u... u would feel it when u were with her if she wasnt but honestly its an equal playing field so keep it fair"

 

- I'm glad you think so. I am so hyper-vigilant when it comes to everything with her, I'd like to think if something was off, I'd see it. Certainly text/calls I'm sometimes get a different vibe. But in person, not even slightly anything negative. What what do you mean keep it fair?

 

I did end up asking her to dinner last night. She ended up working late but when I suggested a raincheck..she said, definitely - next week.

 

Slow, I don't mind. Just need the reassurance sometimes there is something there. I think I've had plenty recently. And I'm following my advice from my other post - I'm done asking for 'what I should do' and just do what feels right.

Posted

It's interesting that you both find time to hang out with friends, but have difficulty seeing each other one-on-one for weeks on end because of work schedules, etc. I don't know your back story, just the bits of information shared on this thread. Actions and choices generally reflect quite accurately one or both people's priorities and interest levels. The gingerly slow progression is another data point in the broader picture.

 

Communication is the foundation of any good relationship. Might be worth having a conversation. If you're afraid to have one, that would also be useful information to you in deciphering your situation.

 

All the best!

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted

Yeah - I thought about that. It's a matter of circumstance...more than anything else.

 

A few weeks ago we had already made plans with a friend of ours that bled over all weekend. But she left on Sunday afternoon and she and I hung out.

 

Last weekend I had a party planned - and before things got serious with us....I had invited both of them over for the weekend to plan/prep for the party.

 

Next week was supposed to be two couples going away...well, the other two broke up but she is still coming.

 

Last night we were going to try and get together for dinner..but she had to work late. It sounded like she was frustrated too - so we are getting together early next week for dinner.

 

So - I'm not concerned yet. But certainly that's been floating around in my mind. Until I introduce her to the kids, which we aren't quite there yet - it's tough with the every other weekend. I just found out I have a 'bonus' weekend free and going to plan something special for her and me.

 

as for talking - I think we may need to define our relationship a bit more..but I'd like to that one-on-one in person. So hopefully we'll have that chance. I may call her this evening and plan the special weekend...just a week after taking a trip with her, it's going to be interesting what I come up with.

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