steelgator Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 So this girl and I have been talking for about a year now. We both went to undergrad together and started talking a couple months before she graduated. She is going to law school a few states away. We decided that we didn't want to be official because it would mean too much pressure. We were okay with having an open relationship as long as it was limited to a one night stand and nothing serious. I know most people don't agree with open relationships but being long distance jealousy can become an issue and we didn't wan't any drama because we aren't the fighting type. So pretty much up until a month or two ago everything was smooth sailing. We talked on the phone every few nights because I have limited minutes and she is pretty busy. We both met eachother's parents as well. We've been able to see eachother about once every 1-2 months. But lately she hasn't been contacting me at all. I don't think she was able to get the grades she was hoping for her first semester of law school and she still doesn't know which area of law she wants to pursue. She is also a member of their choir so what little free time she has she is usually practicing. She recently told me that she is so stressed and so much on her plate that she doesn't have the time for a relationship and it's not fair to me to be giving so much effort when she can't reciprocate. She told me she feels really guilty like she is dragging me along but her feelings for me haven't changed and still tells me she loves me. I don't know what to do. On one hand I want to let her go to save myself heartache. On the other hand it's not like she's cheating or anything and that if she did have time for a man in her life it would be me so that gives me hope.
soccerrprp Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 steelgator, First of all, there is NO WAY that you agree to an OPEN relationship if you are really into someone and love them. It makes no emotional, practical sense. I think the best thing to do here is for you two to break it off and go your own way until you are both in the same city. If you two are still interested in seeing each other and not involved in another relationship, try again. I'm in a LDR and my gf and I do love each other. We demanded commitment, faithfulness for this to work, not an open relationship with a ridiculous stipulation that it only be ONSs and nothing more serious come of them. How irresponsible of an idea. 1
angel.eyes Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 It's fairly straightforward, unfortunately. She's telling you she no longer wants the relationship as nicely as she knows how. She's broken up with you. I would listen and accept that. It takes two to have a relationship. Only you want one at this point. But lately she hasn't been contacting me at all. I don't think she was able to get the grades she was hoping for her first semester of law school and she still doesn't know which area of law she wants to pursue. She is also a member of their choir so what little free time she has she is usually practicing. She recently told me that she is so stressed and so much on her plate that she doesn't have the time for a relationship and it's not fair to me to be giving so much effort when she can't reciprocate. She told me she feels really guilty like she is dragging me along but her feelings for me haven't changed and still tells me she loves me. I don't know what to do. On one hand I want to let her go to save myself heartache. On the other hand it's not like she's cheating or anything and that if she did have time for a man in her life it would be me so that gives me hope.
GorillaTheater Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 Soccer did a good job covering the open relationship aspect, so let me hit the law school angle. Chances are, finals are coming up which will make up 100% of her semester grades. The'll be on a curve, so even if she does great, if half the class winds up doing a little or a lot better, she winds up with a C. She can do pretty well, more or less, and wind up flunking, because a certain percentage will. It's beyond stressful, it's a f*cking mindbender. She needs, or at least feels she needs, to devote every ounce of mental and emotional resources to deal with it. So give her some space. Wish her well, and let her know that you'll talk again once the temporary crisis passes.
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