livingnightmare Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 So been hanging around with a single mom of 2, lots of flirting, hair twirling, looking at my lips, holding very long gazes into my eyes when we talk. Ive visited a few times now first time was for dinner, not much if any flirting. Second time lots of flirting, then the last few times she was ill, but she still flirted non stop. She says she really wants to have a drink with me and make me dinner. Could be nothing. I helped her do a bit of diy she insisted on paying but I would not accept it as she's a single mom who struggles. I also went on a small journey to the vets with her as she needed to do something and would have struggled holding her cat Lol and looking after her daughter, on the way back I went shopping with her as she is very unwell, I was doing nothing and thought the help might go a long way. Anyway, on the way back she was really pleased I helped her, but she said "you really are a good friend to me" alarm bells. Went back to hers and had dinner, OK so we know a bit about each other now and spent long hours talking and flirting, she had all ready mentioned things from her past, but yesterday she told me about her exs, there wasn't that many, but one she still speaks to. 2 alarms in one? I've made little remarks to say I'm interested in her and she's not said anything, just behaved shy..ish. She says she's trying to get herself better as she wants to have a drink with me ( this is when i want to make a move as I'll have more confidence then.) Does the good friend comment 100% mean friend zoned? Does the talk of exs mean friend zoned to? The talk of exs has put me off slightly. So am I being lead round the mulberry bush? Or is their hope? I'm getting so many mixed signals my brains melting. I feel like just asking her what she thinks about us getting together, but that would be lame, and maybe make things harder. So Im just waiting for her to get well and have that dinner and drink at hers. Any thoughts?
TheNoBSBuddhist Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 Dancing round the mulberry bush just creates dizziness. Take the plunge and be direct. It can only go one of two ways, but then, at least you will know. But if you are direct, ask her to have the courtesy to be the same. If she begins to prevaricate, sound unsure, hedge and pussyfoot - then maybe you are wasting your time. Ask her - yes - or no? 2
Author livingnightmare Posted April 1, 2014 Author Posted April 1, 2014 Do I wait till I'm having that drink and dinner? As I didn't want to make anything awkward or ruin the potential of having the chance for me to grow on her. I did feel like saying in a msg this morning " the first thing on my mind when i woke was your soup then it wandered onto you and won't stop... This is dangerous as I realize I like you a lot, but don't want to let myself drift deeper if theres no potential of you seeing me as more than a friend. I hope you slept well, good luck at the doctors." Was just a thought and doubt I'll send it, as I feel over a drink will be the best time and more importantly in person. Plus with her being ill may be its the worst time.
TheNoBSBuddhist Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 Face to face is always best. Expressions and body language are more easily read that way. And texts are so easily misconstrued..... 1
Author livingnightmare Posted April 1, 2014 Author Posted April 1, 2014 Face to face is always best. Expressions and body language are more easily read that way. And texts are so easily misconstrued..... Those were my thoughts and why I know I shouldn't do it by text or even a call. I guess I will have to be patient and wait until dinner/drink day.
PegNosePete Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 What? No, don't message her that by any means. Don't ask her either. Just go for the kiss when you arrive at her place. Not on the cheek. You'll have your answer there and then! 2
Author livingnightmare Posted April 1, 2014 Author Posted April 1, 2014 I've given some hints over the last 2 weeks which are... i told her shes the only woman I'm interested in talking to at the moment. When she said she felt she has been left in the trash. She msgd me one day and asked what am i up 2, I replied strangely enough I was just thinking about you. Both our parents think there's something going on and in a call to my mother in front of her I said I'm at my gfs which she giggled about. Later on when I seen my mother I msgd interest I told her the truth.... I said your not my gf... Yet, I still have work to do. I got no responce to that, but still invited up next day (Mayb the diy and help?) She must clearly know I'm interested, why would she not say outright we are only friends and put me in my place? She is lonely though and maybe doesnt want to ruin friendship? But would a 35 yr old single mom of two not be straight forward? Why would she be insisting dinner and drink together and invite me to her sons football awards. Plus I thought the last thing a woman would want is someone they are interested in to see them when they are unwell looking far from their best. If I new where I stood I reckon I could easily stop all these thoughts and just be a friend, but the not knowing is obsessing my entire mind, I really don't like this, it feels realy unhealthy and twangs of old wounds are for some reason emerging Feeling like I'm in the friend zone is bringing up self esteem issues. Especially if she has no interest and knows full well I do.
Author livingnightmare Posted April 1, 2014 Author Posted April 1, 2014 What? No, don't message her that by any means. Don't ask her either. Just go for the kiss when you arrive at her place. Not on the cheek. You'll have your answer there and then! I never sent it, going to go for that kiss and see what happens, If the moment doesn't arrive to get the chance I'm going to call it a day.
Author livingnightmare Posted April 3, 2014 Author Posted April 3, 2014 Well wont be able to see her till next week so I've cut down on comunication. I don't seem to be contacted as much as before so all the signs are coming out for not interested, but then she calls random and with dinner and 2 more things planned is pretty confusing. I been having awkward feelings of feeling lost and missing her company, but I'm pretty sure this is to do with validation and wanting someone to want me? Maybe also because I have no female company apart from this woman and am scared to approach women, wish I could break this, but don't have a clue where to start. Im sure I have unhealed wounds that flair up from the break with my daughters mother, it was very traumatic for me and I can still taste bitterness and betrayal.
Author livingnightmare Posted April 4, 2014 Author Posted April 4, 2014 Gave her a quick msg last night on whatsapp, I could tell she was not only messaging me so I Sent a msg saying Me: you must be rushed of your feet messaging so much. Her: Lol everyone msgs me at the same time. Me: Lol I will make it easier on you. Her: thanx I dropped out then. Now if I was being messaged by an interest, I would make sure they stayed messaging, and not let them go, or at least contact them back later. So there I have it, time to move on. She's not interested in more than friends. No more initiating from now on, fell for that " I'm a poor single mom struggling, no one wants me" well I helped the struggle when she was ill, fixed her broken diy stuff, I made her feel wanted" she could have at least when I dropped hints say she's not interested I could be just a friend then and concentrate else where. Bet she will msg or call again when she's depressed, lonely and getting no attention from anyone, clever the way she's trying to play me, she's obviously done this before, fake flirting inviting me to her sons award. Get hopes up and leave you wandering. What a waste of my time, why cant people just be straight.
PegNosePete Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 Yeah you're probably right to move on. But those messages you sent... you acted needy and prissy. Next time try to avoid that! Confident guys don't care how many others she is messaging, you're the BEST.
TheNoBSBuddhist Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 Given your history, is it possible in your mind, that she actually viewed you as needy/desperate? You may believe you 'hid' your history adequately, but if you have been burned in the past, the scars may be more visible than you thought. People make choices. She was perhaps trying to be deliberately distant to avoid hurting you. That the result has actually had the opposite effect, is not her fault. She has not DELIBERATELY hurt you. Intentionally inflicting emotional pain on you, was not what she set out to do. But you have taken it that way. You feel injured, slighted and resentful. Emphasis on the "YOU FEEL". The Actions of other people are whatever they decide to do. Our interpretation of those actions is our choice. How you 'take' what she has done, is down to your perception. And you blame her for something that actually, has never really changed from the beginning. Your feelings intensified, as you sought more from her. More than she ever declared she would give. The fact you began trotting, while she still ambled and strolled, is not her responsibility. You must take some responsibility for this result, because it is YOUR perception of things, that has left you feeling jaded and disappointed. She is not responsible for repairing your broken damaged heart. You are. And it sounds as if frankly, you are not ready to date, if you still consider the past to be burdensome. It must be. You still reflect upon it. You need to get over THAT hurdle, before you attempt a jump at the next one.
Author livingnightmare Posted April 4, 2014 Author Posted April 4, 2014 Yeah you're probably right to move on. But those messages you sent... you acted needy and prissy. Next time try to avoid that! Confident guys don't care how many others she is messaging, you're the BEST. I see what you mean. Tbh I wasn't worried about who she's messaging, I wanted to see what her interest level in me was. I found out. But I will take that in mind again. Thanks.
Author livingnightmare Posted April 4, 2014 Author Posted April 4, 2014 Given your history, is it possible in your mind, that she actually viewed you as needy/desperate? You may believe you 'hid' your history adequately, but if you have been burned in the past, the scars may be more visible than you thought. People make choices. She was perhaps trying to be deliberately distant to avoid hurting you. That the result has actually had the opposite effect, is not her fault. She has not DELIBERATELY hurt you. Intentionally inflicting emotional pain on you, was not what she set out to do. But you have taken it that way. You feel injured, slighted and resentful. Emphasis on the "YOU FEEL". The Actions of other people are whatever they decide to do. Our interpretation of those actions is our choice. How you 'take' what she has done, is down to your perception. And you blame her for something that actually, has never really changed from the beginning. Your feelings intensified, as you sought more from her. More than she ever declared she would give. The fact you began trotting, while she still ambled and strolled, is not her responsibility. You must take some responsibility for this result, because it is YOUR perception of things, that has left you feeling jaded and disappointed. She is not responsible for repairing your broken damaged heart. You are. And it sounds as if frankly, you are not ready to date, if you still consider the past to be burdensome. It must be. You still reflect upon it. You need to get over THAT hurdle, before you attempt a jump at the next one. Yes its clear in my mind now looking at it, maybe they are, I'm starting CBT on the 14th to try help get rid of my wounds. I know its me who has messed this up to be honest I didn't play it cool enough I think and let my inner insecurities run wild. I don't hold anything against her really though, just a little confused over why she still wants to have dinner and a drink at hers when she's well, go out somewhere and go with her and her kids to the sons footie awards. Then show no interest in other ways. And flirt like mad when in each others company. I think she would make a great friend, but if that's all she wants and I've given hints I like her, is her wanting me to do these activities a bit of a red herring and going to make me think more is possible? She brought up just before those messages what she's gonna make when I come up. That's pretty confusing to me. You are right though I do have issues, hopefully CBT will put me on the path. Not ready to date but lonely as hell. Cant win at the moment.
Recommended Posts