How often do you see each other???

[Cityanna]

Thinking back my LDR since the day I met him, with no experience at all in a relationship with miles between us, I was so impatient, I couldn't help it!

Lately after reading a lot, i noticed that it is quite normal to see your SO not too soon..

So how often do you see each other?

Do you have a meeting plan or do you make plans last minute?

[Els]

Our R has been no-distance (or short-distance) for the past 3-4 years.

 

When we were LD, though, we saw each other once every 6 months. In order to make that happen, the planning usually started from the previous visit.

 

We were in an international LDR as students, with a double digit flight time in hours though. If it were less severe, we would have seen each other more often and not needed to plan as early.

[LittleTiger]

We're on opposite sides of the world - nearly 30 hr journey time (by air) - so we have long periods between visits. Our shortest time apart has been about six weeks, longest was eleven months!!! We've been LDR four and a half years and I guess average in that time is maybe five to six months apart.

 

Time together also varies. Anything from a month to three months at a time.

 

These days he books a return flight from my country rather than his because it's cheaper. So his return to the UK is arranged at the same time as his flight back to Oz. My trips over there are planned a few months in advance.

 

I think, as LDRs go, despite the ridiculous distance, we're very lucky. We both cope well with the time apart and our relationship is a strong and happy one.

[TAV]

We were on a every two months schedule (He is in the UK, I'm in Holland) but he's had some personal problems beginning of this year and because of that I have not seen him in person since January However, he is planning a visit in May so it won't be too long now. We are both big football fans and plan to get together in June to see at least one of the England or Holland World Cup matches together. And we've been talking about a week together in July, when both sets of children are not around (yeah!).

 

I guess after the summer there will be a bit of a drought since these trips cost money! I think for people on average incomes it's quite impossible to see each other as often as you would like because trips are expensive. We are also in the process of gently bonding with both sets of kids and so we have to work our schedules around that too.

 

Where there is a will there is way though!

[Cityanna]

I believe that with scheduled meetings/bookings, etc, it can work!

Happy for you!

[Cityanna]

I think you are wiser than me!

That is why you've made that thing work....

But we never make good plans, this is my big complain.

Good plans help both and even if you know that you might see your SO 5 months later!

[soccerrprp]

I see my gf every month, so about every 4-weeks. I am a teacher, so there's some long weekend for some reason every month, so easy to schedule and I do. This will all end in about 2-months.

 

I always know when the next time I am coming and that has made it very assuring for my gf. When I visit her, I tell the next time I'm coming. There's no better way to show her that I am serious about her than to already have plans (flight info) for the next visit a month away.

[TAV]

I think you are wiser than me!

That is why you've made that thing work....

But we never make good plans, this is my big complain.

Good plans help both and even if you know that you might see your SO 5 months later!

 

Yes, you need plans. I got the advice here on LS to make sure to even have a ticket booked already before you both say goodbye on your last visit. I'm planning to do that during this upcoming visit since my boyfriend found it very difficult last time to think positive (thinking 'we'll say hello soon again' instead of 'goodbye').

 

Try to make it clear to your SO that you NEED these plans. Surely he'd want to make it easier on you to be apart and for you to hurt less.

[soccerrprp]

Just wanted to add that when I first started the LDR with my gf, I was booking flights a month ahead of time. I should warn that when you are getting to know someone new that this could be risky to do. If things don't work out, you lost a lot of money on the planning/flight tickets. I dated and knew my gf BEFORE she left the locale, so felt confident that the LDR would work if I did my part.

 

If you are buying plane tickets, make certain to purchase the insurance as well. It's not that expensive. That way, if things don't work out, you're not out a lot of money or you can get some kind of decent refund.

 

I found out just recently that my gf wasn't too certain if I'd continue to be interested in having a LDR with her b/c of the distance, cost. She thought that i'd visit once or twice or ask her to help pay and then be done with her. But as she realized that I kept telling her far in advance when I was coming and sending her my confirmation emails with my flight information, she felt A LOT more comfortable.

Edited April 1, 2014 by soccerrprp

[Michelle ma Belle]

I think it really depends on where you and your SO are located because living on the other side of the world or even country can present some obvious hurdles.

 

I've been in a LDR for the past year and this is my first time being in such a relationship. We are about 10 hours apart with an international border between us (I'm in Ontario, Canada and he's in North Carolina, US). When we finally decided that we wanted to be together, we made a commitment to go no more than 3 months between visits even if it meant we only got to see each other for 48 hours in some cases. Thankfully, we've been on a schedule of about 4-6 weeks in most cases! In between visits, we make a point of staying in touch daily via text/email/phone even if it's just to say, "Thinking of you, have a great day!" We also schedule Skype dates every couple of weeks.

 

I think you HAVE to do this. Map out some kind of plan or flexible schedule for how your special relationship is going to work otherwise it's far to easy to get complacent and get carried away with your everyday life. Relationships are challenging at the best times and take effort for them to be successful never mind adding distance and time zones.

 

Thankfully, my partner is planning to move closer to me next year (about 40 mins away). This means we'll be embarking on another new adventure at as couple. All of this is in an effort to eventually and finally live together under the same roof.

 

Moral of the story? Anything is possible if you both want it badly enough

Edited April 1, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle

[HeavenOrHell]

We meet for long weekends or for up to 16 days every 7 weeks approximately, sometimes less time in between visits, sometimes more.

[SaltwaterHeart]

We started out locally but that quickly changed to pretty extreme LD (20 hrs by plane). In that phase the longest we went without seeing each other was 5 months. Trips would last for two or three weeks but were few and planned several months ahead of time. We had a pretty hard time dealing with it, especially me.

 

Luckily we are considerably closer now (about 90 minutes by plane) and have been able to see each other about once a month so far (usually for 5-7 days), but that is about to slow down over the next few months due to busy schedules. Right now I'm the middle a two-month wait. With a little luck we might be able to move even closer this autumn and finally close the distance in early 2015.

Edited April 1, 2014 by SaltwaterHeart

[HeavenOrHell]

I so wish we could do that, never know when I'm going to see him next after we say bye each time Just knowing roughly when would help me deal better with things. I've said this to him, but it's made no difference, we still don't plan that far ahead.

 

 

Yes, you need plans. I got the advice here on LS to make sure to even have a ticket booked already before you both say goodbye on your last visit. I'm planning to do that during this upcoming visit since my boyfriend found it very difficult last time to think positive (thinking 'we'll say hello soon again' instead of 'goodbye').

 

Try to make it clear to your SO that you NEED these plans. Surely he'd want to make it easier on you to be apart and for you to hurt less.

[confidencestands]

Well in the last 4 months, I have seen him 3x with maybe a day or two with each trip as he had to split up his time with family. However, I plan to see him again end of this month with 6 days of just me and him. I also proposed that I work from his location during the summer but that's when Mr. Uncertainty reared it's ugly head.

[TAV]

I so wish we could do that, never know when I'm going to see him next after we say bye each time Just knowing roughly when would help me deal better with things. I've said this to him, but it's made no difference, we still don't plan that far ahead.[/QUOTE]

 

:( Has he at least explained why?

[TAV]

Well in the last 4 months, I have seen him 3x with maybe a day or two with each trip as he had to split up his time with family. However, I plan to see him again end of this month with 6 days of just me and him. I also proposed that I work from his location during the summer but that's when Mr. Uncertainty reared it's ugly head.

 

 

Mr. Uncertainty? What do you mean?

[TAV]

Got it! (She posted a thread)

[HeavenOrHell]

Hard for him to know ahead of time when he can next get time off work, also he lives more in the here and now so it's hard for him to think ahead too far.

Not ideal I know, feel like I'd be being pushy or needy or something if I said I need to plan next visit while I'm with him, but that could just be me over thinking and assuming.

I always initiate the next visit, which does get to me and I've told him that too, he said it's not that he doesn't want to see me or anything but more that I'm proactive but he goes into his own little world and lives day to day and just gets on with it.

It's hard not knowing if he ever misses me, he used to make it clearer in the first couple of years, now I've no idea.

I feel I try and make things easier for him and running as smoothly as possible and sometimes push what I want to one side.

 

 

I so wish we could do that, never know when I'm going to see him next after we say bye each time Just knowing roughly when would help me deal better with things. I've said this to him, but it's made no difference, we still don't plan that far ahead.[/QUOTE]

 

:( Has he at least explained why?

Edited April 2, 2014 by HeavenOrHell

[HeavenOrHell]

I'm totally aware how lame this sounds, trust me I know!

 

 

QUOTE=HeavenOrHell;5620369]Hard for him to know ahead of time when he can next get time off work, also he lives more in the here and now so it's hard for him to think ahead too far.

Not ideal I know, feel like I'd be being pushy or needy or something if I said I need to plan next visit while I'm with him, but that could just be me over thinking and assuming.

I always initiate the next visit, which does get to me and I've told him that too, he said it's not that he doesn't want to see me or anything but more that I'm proactive but he goes into his own little world and lives day to day and just gets on with it.

It's hard not knowing if he ever misses me, he used to make it clearer in the first couple of years, now I've no idea.

I feel I try and make things easier for him and running as smoothly as possible and sometimes push what I want to one side.

 

 

[TAV]

I'm totally aware how lame this sounds, trust me I know!

 

 

QUOTE=HeavenOrHell;5620369]Hard for him to know ahead of time when he can next get time off work, also he lives more in the here and now so it's hard for him to think ahead too far.

Not ideal I know, feel like I'd be being pushy or needy or something if I said I need to plan next visit while I'm with him, but that could just be me over thinking and assuming.

I always initiate the next visit, which does get to me and I've told him that too, he said it's not that he doesn't want to see me or anything but more that I'm proactive but he goes into his own little world and lives day to day and just gets on with it.

It's hard not knowing if he ever misses me, he used to make it clearer in the first couple of years, now I've no idea.

I feel I try and make things easier for him and running as smoothly as possible and sometimes push what I want to one side.

 

I also hope that you realise you deserve better. Very hard when on the one hand he provides you with a lot of things you need and on the other hand he lacks the enthusiasm and initiative that would make you feel so much better about your LDR.

 

I know from your other posts you've broken up before. Was it his initiative then to make up?

[HeavenOrHell]

He's broken up with me 2 or 3 times, usually when he's stressed with work and feels he can't give me what I need/deserve, the last time we split, a few months ago was because I talked again about the future, and, in a nutshell, after 10 days of him thinking about how to answer he told me he needed a break, it was me who talked him back into the r/ship that time and he was hesitant as he worried he couldn't make me happy, the other time we split we got closer and closer again mutually, the other time I probably told him things would be ok, as he'd left as he didn't want me to be unhappy.

 

I don't know, I go around in circles, things feel right when we're together, and I love our daily contact and closeness, it's not easy for me to give up on, things are a hell of a lot easier when we're actually together than when apart, but we're not actually together most of the time, so..

This is our last year together in my eyes anyway.

I'll PM you over the next couple of days and you can tell me what an insane fool I am

 

Or go to his office for me and tell him to buck his ideas up

 

Not sure how much his feeling depressed makes him appear/act the way he does.

 

I also hope that you realise you deserve better. Very hard when on the one hand he provides you with a lot of things you need and on the other hand he lacks the enthusiasm and initiative that would make you feel so much better about your LDR.

 

I know from your other posts you've broken up before. Was it his initiative then to make up?

Edited April 2, 2014 by HeavenOrHell

[TAV]

Or go to his office for me and tell him to buck his ideas up

 

ha, ha, ha, I actually wanted to ask you to give me his address so I could give him a figurative kick under his ass, but I thought that would be too presumptious and you'd stop speaking to me

 

OK, I'll await your PM and I won't tell you you are a fool. We've all been fools for love, me included.

 

Back to topic!

[HeavenOrHell]

You could leave a note under his car windscreen wiper, haha, that would freak him out!

 

Yes, sorry OP, back to topic!

 

 

Or go to his office for me and tell him to buck his ideas up

 

ha, ha, ha, I actually wanted to ask you to give me his address so I could give him a figurative kick under his ass, but I thought that would be too presumptious and you'd stop speaking to me

 

OK, I'll await your PM and I won't tell you you are a fool. We've all been fools for love, me included.

 

Back to topic!