Farsightt Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 (edited) My ex and I broke up about 7 months ago. It was an intense, toxic, and overall unhealthy relationship for both of us. No one was really to blame, it just wasn't meant to be. Somethings transpired towards the end of our relationship that deeply effected me. I'm not going to mention them, because as of now, it doesn't really matter. When we broke up I started attending a new college, but I was in a bad state of mind. Instead of letting the post-break-up sorrow get the best of me, I took that negativity and focused on my school. For the first time in my life, I put my all into something and it paid off greatly. I was feeling amazing about myself, because not only was I finally applying myself, but I was pursuing my passion. That grieving stage was short lived, and I put the past behind me. I waited 6 months before I started flirting with the idea of seeing someone else. Correction, I took 6 months and focused on myself. Lets be honest, after an ugly break-up there tends to be an ego blow (maybe that's just me :/), but I corrected that before I let someone new into my life. Things are going well with the new girl and I have a blast with her. Until spring break started two weeks ago. Maybe it's because I had free time, and no other stresses in my life, but those ugly feelings reared their head about a week ago. Out of the blue they hit me. I don't know what sparked them or why they are lingering, but they are there. It's not overwhelming, just a sense of missing. I can think of the bad times, and that missing feeling quickly fades. I guess I just don't know why they started. I have no animosity towards my ex, it just didn't work out, that's life. Maybe it's because I had no deadlines that concerned me, or maybe it's because I just started something with someone else, or maybe its a combination of the two. Just writing this all out has helped me. Any feedback would be appreciated. Edited April 1, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
barky2 Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 Ya Absolutely normal. Our brains are weird and they do this sometimes. I've still got mad or happy at the thought of a old gf, even years later. Try and come to terms with the feelings, recognize them, and let them roll off. It's going to be for a little while a battle. Try and stay busy. And the ego blow? Ya same here when we broke up, you managed the healthy way by diving into something that you needed to. If on the flip, you didn't do school work you coulda been dealing with a breakup, and doing horrible at school. So kudos to you. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming. Don't you dare contact or even look her up. Barky
mangetout Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 Wow good for you for the way you dealt with the BU. I am four months into my breakup and I still have the odd bad days. I have accepted that its over but it takes time to process those emotions you had for your partner. Its memoeries playing tricks on you. They will fade as time passes. Just don't react to them. That was my mistake in the past. I would miss him, and send a text, I would feel angry, and send a text. Stay NC and those feelings will eventually pass. You are going the right way about it. Well done
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 My ex and I broke up about 7 months ago. It was an intense, toxic, and overall unhealthy relationship for both of us. No one was really to blame, it just wasn't meant to be. Somethings transpired towards the end of our relationship that deeply effected me. I'm not going to mention them, because as of now, it doesn't really matter. When we broke up I started attending a new college, but I was in a bad state of mind. Instead of letting the post-break-up sorrow get the best of me, I took that negativity and focused on my school. For the first time in my life, I put my all into something and it paid off greatly. I was feeling amazing about myself, because not only was I finally applying myself, but I was pursuing my passion. That grieving stage was short lived, and I put the past behind me. I waited 6 months before I started flirting with the idea of seeing someone else. Correction, I took 6 months and focused on myself. Lets be honest, after an ugly break-up there tends to be an ego blow (maybe that's just me :/), but I corrected that before I let someone new into my life. Things are going well with the new girl and I have a blast with her. Until spring break started two weeks ago. Maybe it's because I had free time, and no other stresses in my life, but those ugly feelings reared their head about a week ago. Out of the blue they hit me. I don't know what sparked them or why they are lingering, but they are there. It's not overwhelming, just a sense of missing. I can think of the bad times, and that missing feeling quickly fades. I guess I just don't know why they started. I have no animosity towards my ex, it just didn't work out, that's life. Maybe it's because I had no deadlines that concerned me, or maybe it's because I just started something with someone else, or maybe its a combination of the two. Just writing this all out has helped me. Any feedback would be appreciated. I broke up from my LTR about the same time and I have found just recently he's been on my mind again... Ive decided its because the weather is getting sunny and it was summer when he left... its just a reminder that time of year coming again x
Trapp-er Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 7 Months post break-up and I saw a picture of my ex's son sitting on the new victim's lap on Facebook that one of our mutual friends posted--apparently I forgot to unfollow that one. Anyway, hit me hard to see the little guy, who I loved like my own son, sitting on the new guy's lap and realizing how easily I was replaced. 1
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 7 Months post break-up and I saw a picture of my ex's son sitting on the new victim's lap on Facebook that one of our mutual friends posted--apparently I forgot to unfollow that one. Anyway, hit me hard to see the little guy, who I loved like my own son, sitting on the new guy's lap and realizing how easily I was replaced. Trapp-er you werent replaced that easily... I have pics of my kids with men on FB (that sounds awful but wasnt meant like that!... I mean male friends that a pic got taken with)... that could have looked awful to my ex but it was just a picture and he was def not easily replaced... infact the people in the pics with my kids dont even come close to s replacement... dont let it get to u x
WYSWYG Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 I suppose I belong to this club as well. I always end up reconnecting w/ all my exes but only to a platonic level. But there's one that shared my same athletic/active lifestyle and we were always out doing something in our days. We both dated others since but occasionally, go out for an activity if we can. Even supportive on each RS issues. This weekend, I just started missing her again just like day1 of our BU. It totally blindsided me and I'm in like shock as to why. She's w/ someone serious now so understandably, we kept some distance in the last few months. I asked a female confidant about this. Now she's happily married but says that she too, had a BF from years ago that she just can't seem to forget. Adding that she also knows people with the same issues. I guess it's normal. I'm just in disbelief about feeling the pain again 4 years after. Tho, I think HeartbrokenNewbie maybe right. Maybe it's the weather...
Kilty Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 Yep - I'm 10 years out this year and heard my ex got married last weekend. Was my first love and first serious girlfriend. Knocked me back a bit after being fine for years Just got to let it exhaust me for a week or so then that should be that 1
Author Farsightt Posted April 1, 2014 Author Posted April 1, 2014 I just wanted to say thank you to all the kind responses and the reiteration that appeared in the replies, that what I am experiencing is normal. It helped me more than some of you may realize. The good news I started classes again today and it felt good to get back to the grind. This past week was a minor slip-up down memory lane, but I'm proud to say that I didn't react to it in the sense of trying to make contact. It's kind of like shoveling snow up a hill, you may slip every once in awhile, but the path you made is permanent and it's a short amount of time to reach where your progress left off.
WYSWYG Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 I just wanted to say thank you to all the kind responses and the reiteration that appeared in the replies, that what I am experiencing is normal. It helped me more than some of you may realize. The good news I started classes again today and it felt good to get back to the grind. This past week was a minor slip-up down memory lane, but I'm proud to say that I didn't react to it in the sense of trying to make contact. It's kind of like shoveling snow up a hill, you may slip every once in awhile, but the path you made is permanent and it's a short amount of time to reach where your progress left off. Same here. Thanks for starting this thread.. Yep - I'm 10 years out this year and heard my ex got married last weekend. Was my first love and first serious girlfriend. Knocked me back a bit after being fine for years Just got to let it exhaust me for a week or so then that should be that She was my first serious RS as well. This serves as a good warning. Thank you. 'hope you feel better soon.. 1
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