Author DKT3 Posted April 27, 2014 Author Posted April 27, 2014 I think understanding how your wife feels in all this would bring insight...but it's not helpful if her Mom gives her daughters info. Why is her Mom involved? She should stay out of it. If your wife wants her perspective and experience portrayed here - it should come from her directly. I'm sorry your anonymity has been blasted! That sucks! No, no. I wasn't clear I guess. Our daughter told the exWW (her mom) that I said I was talking to people on this site. I'm pretty sure exww didn't ask. My daughter is young and tends to tell me and her mom about whatever is going on in her time away from us and she talks a lot, a lot. Some times she is like the radio, just constant.
beach Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 No, no. I wasn't clear I guess. Our daughter told the exWW (her mom) that I said I was talking to people on this site. I'm pretty sure exww didn't ask. My daughter is young and tends to tell me and her mom about whatever is going on in her time away from us and she talks a lot, a lot. Some times she is like the radio, just constant. Well, we may get the other side to your story... It may help the M if folks here can encourage both of you to get busy doing the hard work it takes to build a new relationship. The old one should be considered dead - since it didn't work. New ideas about what may work should always be considered. Ideas as long as it's completely opposite of what you used to have/do. Change brings hope...it makes it so that things can be better and different.
Author DKT3 Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 Just got a text from xww she says she joined the site and wants to give her side of things. We have spoke a lot about it the last few days. She thinks it can really help us. Please guys don't be too hard on her she really is a great person. She doesn't need to take a beating. Thanks 2
lovinDKT3 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Did she post a thread? I have not posted a thread yet, I will in the coming days. 2
Author DKT3 Posted April 30, 2014 Author Posted April 30, 2014 Did she post a thread? We decided she would post here, on this thread because there are things I've been slow on hearing. She is working on a hand writen timeline. Its hard because it was so long ago. She did one years ago but I throw it in the fireplace.
lovinDKT3 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 She was able to deceive me because I trusted her 100%. Things that were odd to me I simply ignored. Kinda the way you believe in your kids. That is gone, I doubt I could ever trust another woman in that way. Remember this is my first relationship, not just marriage. Something broke in me with her affair I see things differently. Maybe this is something that happens to most people in their late teens. Reading this broke my heart. I keep reading it over and over again. I said it a million times, but I'm so sorry I did this to you, to the kids and us. I can never take it back, but oh how I wish I could. To have you look at me as you once did is my dream, I'm sorry. 2
2sunny Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 How can we be helpful here? Give us some guidance on what your goal is and how we can help you get to that goal?
lovinDKT3 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 How can we be helpful here? Give us some guidance on what your goal is and how we can help you get to that goal? IDK, I guess I'm looking for a roadmap back to DKT heart. I willing to try anything. Its just so hard, I feel like we are making so much progress then boom I say some wrong, or do something wrong and he gets that distant look in his eyes. Oh man back to the basement working my way up. I thought maybe coming here, reading and sharing, could help me (us) find our way.
txgrl Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I have tears in running down my cheeks as I write this. Lovin , you'll find the guidance . Just be patient. Give him time, he truly loves you. You made a mistake, you're making amends. seems like you're doing everything that you should be doing. To both of you, we're all here truly rooting for you two. if you need to ask specific questions , do so. There are some very helpful and insightful members here. I'm an xWW . If you want to PM me for any specific questions, I will be happy to answer. God bless you both for your honesty. Wish you much peace and happiness. Best. 1
harrybrown Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Most of the time these situations are hard. I have been married for almost 40 years now. About 3 or 3 1/2 years ago, I received some information about my wife. I confronted her too soon with the information and she still denies that anything ever happened. The picture that I was sent, she stated that she was photo shopped into the picture. (someone sent me the picture and went to all the trouble to photoshop the picture of her with another man in our bed) (only problem is that you can't see the man's face) So I am in limbo land. I have been trying to figure out how she could do this to me. I have worked so hard to provide for the family for so long. I do have my faults, as everyone does. I did tell her not to long ago that I was leaving and she told me she was coming with me. I still feel like I am her backup plan, because if I was not, how could she do this? Sorry if this is not an appropriate question, but I think about this every blasted day. I am getting older and need to help some of my kids and grandkids, so I continue to work hard to provide. I know you can't read her mind. ( I wish I could) She is always a very church attending person. She was the last person that I would think would do this. So I do think that you love your ex-husband. I am hoping for the two of you to find happiness. But is the OM ever in your thoughts, and any remaining feelings for him vs the feelings for your ex-husband? Was your ex husband ever the backup plan?
2sunny Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Most of the time these situations are hard. I have been married for almost 40 years now. About 3 or 3 1/2 years ago, I received some information about my wife. I confronted her too soon with the information and she still denies that anything ever happened. The picture that I was sent, she stated that she was photo shopped into the picture. (someone sent me the picture and went to all the trouble to photoshop the picture of her with another man in our bed) (only problem is that you can't see the man's face) So I am in limbo land. I have been trying to figure out how she could do this to me. I have worked so hard to provide for the family for so long. I do have my faults, as everyone does. I did tell her not to long ago that I was leaving and she told me she was coming with me. I still feel like I am her backup plan, because if I was not, how could she do this? Sorry if this is not an appropriate question, but I think about this every blasted day. I am getting older and need to help some of my kids and grandkids, so I continue to work hard to provide. I know you can't read her mind. ( I wish I could) She is always a very church attending person. She was the last person that I would think would do this. So I do think that you love your ex-husband. I am hoping for the two of you to find happiness. But is the OM ever in your thoughts, and any remaining feelings for him vs the feelings for your ex-husband? Was your ex husband ever the backup plan? I think these are valid questions deserving of honest answers. Harry - have your W take a polygraph. I'd find it hard to believe denying a picture such as that. Photoshop = not likely!
lovinDKT3 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I have tears in running down my cheeks as I write this. Lovin , you'll find the guidance . Just be patient. Give him time, he truly loves you. You made a mistake, you're making amends. seems like you're doing everything that you should be doing. To both of you, we're all here truly rooting for you two. if you need to ask specific questions , do so. There are some very helpful and insightful members here. I'm an xWW . If you want to PM me for any specific questions, I will be happy to answer. God bless you both for your honesty. Wish you much peace and happiness. Best. Thank you for the offer.
dumped2013 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I have tears in running down my cheeks as I write this. Lovin , you'll find the guidance . Just be patient. Give him time, he truly loves you. You made a mistake, you're making amends. seems like you're doing everything that you should be doing. To both of you, we're all here truly rooting for you two. if you need to ask specific questions , do so. There are some very helpful and insightful members here. I'm an xWW . If you want to PM me for any specific questions, I will be happy to answer. God bless you both for your honesty. Wish you much peace and happiness. Best. I'm sitting at my office and I have a few tears too.
lovinDKT3 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Harry, DKT has never been a backup plan. He is and always has been my only plan. As far as the other guy, I once cared for him I never loved him or do I think about him now. DKT once told me "too bad for you that you don't love him, at least that would mean you did it for a reason" 2sunny, I offered to do a polygraph. DKT said its not going to stop me from doing it again and he already knew I did it in the past so what was the point. 2
dumped2013 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I am in a business that if it rains we are very slow. I have spent the last 3 hours reading this entire thread. I really hope y'all try and that this all works out for the both of you. DKT, and lovinDKT3, Y'all sound like like the real definition of soul mates. This story did bring tears to my eyes. I sincerely wish you two the very best. This story could actually turn into a Lifetime Channel movie.
txgrl Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Dk, u seem like a real nice guy . If there r misunderstandings again and again , you guys really need to work on your communication . Why the hell would she cut off sex? Why the hell would you agree? Lovin, you want him back , besides having some patience and understanding, do give him sex, for gods sakes ! What is wrong with you?? 2
beach Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Lovin - since you're willing to be honest here - have you dated anyone or been intimate with anyone else since you and DK split/divorced?
lovinDKT3 Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Dk, u seem like a real nice guy . If there r misunderstandings again and again , you guys really need to work on your communication . Why the hell would she cut off sex? Why the hell would you agree? Lovin, you want him back , besides having some patience and understanding, do give him sex, for gods sakes ! What is wrong with you?? Yeah, that whole no sex thing only lasted about two days. 2
lovinDKT3 Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Lovin - since you're willing to be honest here - have you dated anyone or been intimate with anyone else since you and DK split/divorced? No I didn't date anyone, and never come close to being intimate with anyone else. It was a rough time for me outside of divorce. I was getting my business going, we had two small kids and my dad had a battle with cancer. Besides all that, it would have been counterproductive of my goal. After about 16 months DKT started to let me in and showed signs that we may be together again, so there was no way I was going to mess that up. 2
Author DKT3 Posted May 1, 2014 Author Posted May 1, 2014 I am in a business that if it rains we are very slow. I have spent the last 3 hours reading this entire thread. I really hope y'all try and that this all works out for the both of you. DKT, and lovinDKT3, Y'all sound like like the real definition of soul mates. This story did bring tears to my eyes. I sincerely wish you two the very best. This story could actually turn into a Lifetime Channel movie. Thank you. We stayed in Atlanta for a short time, Lovin hated it. She is a true Cali girl. I don't know that I believe in soulmates. I think if you find someone that knows all your bads and still loves you it worth fighting for. She is an awesome woman that put up with a lot of crap for a very long time. 1
Valen Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 (edited) I always say that cheaters do not deserve a second chance. I'm so sure of this rule that it's edge in stone in my belief system. But after reading this thread and knowing the precise circumstance of how it happen. I say you both deserve a second chance. Both of you have made big mistakes. I can see that you two are at the right stage to make amends. This is not a typical fairy tale story but I hope it has a happy ending. Edited May 2, 2014 by Valen 1
Author DKT3 Posted May 2, 2014 Author Posted May 2, 2014 I always say that cheaters do not deserve a second chance. I'm so sure of this rule that it's edge in stone in my belief system. But after reading this thread and knowing the precise circumstance of how it happen. I say you both deserve a second chance. Both of you have made big mistakes. I can see that you two are at the right stage to make amends. This is not a typical fairy tale story but I hope it has a happy ending. You know I always took that stance. Cheat and I'm out. Lovin knew that, so once I was on the trail she when into self preservation mode. After a few months I had given up on her and really stayed around for the kids. One day it dawned on me that this was unhealthy. I was always sooo pissed and she just cried all the time. It was a house full of anger and sadness. No way was that good for the little ones. Two regrets I have is that I didn't do it 13 month earlier, and I wish I had told her face to face instead of having her served away from the home and being blindsided. It had the desired effect, but it was a d$%k move. 2
janedoe67 Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Loving, you are a brave woman. Dot, please protect your wife. Take care of each other. 2
Zippity-Doo-Dah Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 What a great story! I love watching it unfold and it has hit a soft spot in me. Long story not worth telling, but for what it's worth I understand because of what I've been through. I read here a lot. I mean A LOT! but never post anything. This one made me want to post and give you my thoughts on the matter. I love that you have great counselling going on - keep it up. I will admit I haven't read every word (I skipped some of the other posters comments but read all of OP's) so I may have missed this - but why, oh why do you feel the need to rehash the details of the affair? Is this coming from you two or from the counselor? If it's from the MC - I'm tempted to say keep the discussion in the sessions. If it's coming from the two of you wanting to deal with it - I say STOP IT! It happened - it's over - it's not going to happen again - let it die. You don't need to know the details OP, and Lovin - you don't need to get them off your chest with him - talk it out in IC. By going over it and over it - writing out the timeline - it is distracting you from the work you really need to be doing now. You both get why it happened. Let it go. Now, look ahead and not back. Work on the relationship you have right now and the one you want in the future. The people you were back then have grown up, and the time apart did you good. Now you have a different relationship and you should just enjoy the new people you have become. You are a beautiful testament to what love is all about. I'll be following you and rooting for you all the way. Zip
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