swfc_77 Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 Don't do the photo album, you'll regret it. Every time you contact her via Facebook, text, anything you are handing her a spoon full of your dignity and self respect, eventually you'll have none left
Sasukie Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 I think there's no point in posting here anymore, or at least to give advice. You have some personal problems that you will have to deal with. Have a drink with her, say what you need on your mind. Maybe you have no other hobbies besides gambling, which is why you're so wishy washy. You say you understand then two seconds later you switch back. Please update us with what happened after your little date. Who wants to be that there will be a post about: "How could she have done THIS TO ME? After all the things I did for her! How could she be so cold and say these things to a person who gave 100% to her?" Btw 250k doesn't mean jack sh i t . Clearly it doesn't make a strong person. Also - the fact you paid girls money to walk with you - that is damn classy. Do you live in some sort of hick town?
Sasukie Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 I would say for your sake, honestly go meet her. Please don't think you are the only who felt - "I have a feeling that I can reconcile with my ex, I just know I can!" Wish you a speedy return!
martaldn Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 I have listening to all the advice and took the big step of no contact and didn't do alot of the things like the photo album ect, The hardest part for me is letting go because I think there is still a chance. Since it is only day one of NC I may aswell go and see her if she still feels the same way then I can just start NC again. I know that is the hardest part I have been there too and believe us when we say it get better with the time but u need to stick with the decision and carry on. Each day will be a fight and there will be times when u will only want to break the NC but u need to keep it strong and stay still. It will get better with the time I promise u
Author ahthepain Posted April 2, 2014 Author Posted April 2, 2014 Ok update : I rang my mutual friend about something unrelated and he was with my ex. I asked to speak to her to fix up when to drop the stuff off and we spoke for 20 minutes. It has helped me understand that it's over. I was acted like I was moving on well and she was like that's great. I then mentioned some of our great past times and she just didn't seem interested at all or played them down. She is only 22 and she said that. Much too early to make the commitment, I am only 24. The sad thing was I said I had to delete her off FB nothing personal. She hadn't even noticed. But she did seem abit upset about that. She isn't stupid. She knows I still have strong feelings for her, alot more than hers for me. I said I wanted time to see her as nothing more than a friend and she said sure but it would be abit weird even being friends. Also her Mum died a couple of years ago and she was struggling on mothers day and didn't call me but did admit it would have been better if I had been there. I can not believe the hurt I feel now. A whole week on. Just talking on the phone made me happy because we talked all day everyday and I miss that sooo much. Now my phone rarely goes off. How can I ever get over this??
Strength in Healing Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 Well, we told you this. Everyone who is considering trying to reconcile with their ex -- take notes how many times we warned him, and then him not listening, and then finding out we were right. You get over it with time. Now, can you kindly tell us how you won 250 thousand dollars gambling so that I may repeat this? I want to open a franchise and I need 80k. Seriously. 3
Author ahthepain Posted April 2, 2014 Author Posted April 2, 2014 Lol sports betting. Man I feel so bad Because I atelast thought she might still miss me but I just get she has moved on so easily. I basically told her to text me about when I can drop the stuff off. I might just do it and not meet her now. I don't think me reminiscing over drinks about the good times will do anything. The problem is it's against human nature to abandon all hope. So how can I? I feel there is no escape
Strength in Healing Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 I feel for you brother, it is against human nature to abandon all hope. You can't look at it that way, though -- you have to look at it as this is the reality. You have to tell yourself, she was not the girl you had convinced yourself she was. The girl in your head is not the girl in reality. You don't have to give up the hope for the girl in your head, per se, but rather you need to understand she isn't real. The girl in your head would have never done this to you.
Author ahthepain Posted April 2, 2014 Author Posted April 2, 2014 But it still doesn't seem real. It's like I'm stuck in a never ending nightmare. How could they just move on and not even miss or care for the person they were with for nearly three years?? How can I get over this hurt? The no contact has no chance of getting them back so is there a better way for me to get over them?
Sasukie Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 Well, we told you this. Everyone who is considering trying to reconcile with their ex -- take notes how many times we warned him, and then him not listening, and then finding out we were right. You get over it with time. Now, can you kindly tell us how you won 250 thousand dollars gambling so that I may repeat this? I want to open a franchise and I need 80k. Seriously. Brutal. haha - at least be glad you didn't do things like send flowers and random garbage like that. Btw, no one really wants to be fully committed at the age of 22. She's still young and she probably wants some experience, which you can't blame her. 3 years with someone is a lot. And unless you're a perfect match (which obviously you weren't), you wouldn't stay together and would get bored eventually. Its not that bad, at first obviously you'll miss her like crazy, be depressed that's fine. Just remember, after 3-5 months you'll be a lot better and you'll realize she was a special one, but there will be plenty more out there. 1
Sasukie Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 Well, we told you this. Everyone who is considering trying to reconcile with their ex -- take notes how many times we warned him, and then him not listening, and then finding out we were right. You get over it with time. Now, can you kindly tell us how you won 250 thousand dollars gambling so that I may repeat this? I want to open a franchise and I need 80k. Seriously. But it still doesn't seem real. It's like I'm stuck in a never ending nightmare. How could they just move on and not even miss or care for the person they were with for nearly three years?? How can I get over this hurt? The no contact has no chance of getting them back so is there a better way for me to get over them? The step is to NC either way. Grief man grief. You'll be overwhelmed with sadness. Speak to your friends and close buddies about it, if they've gone through heart break they know it'll be a rough time. But becareful you don't mention her too much or they will get pushed away (get sick of your stories). And buddy, read my post just today - remember I told you --> you would question "how could she do this blah blah blah" Let me copy paste what you just wrote: "It's like I'm stuck in a never ending nightmare. How could they just move on and not even miss or care for the person they were with for nearly three years??" What did I say.
Author ahthepain Posted April 2, 2014 Author Posted April 2, 2014 To everyone thanks again the advice means alot. I'm just sitting here on my own while she isn't upset having fun with friends. It just doesn't seem fair. I want to sit down with her and ask how could she do it so suddenly and try to convince her but I know it wont work. Question : Do people who tend to have a final chat for an hour about everything then part ways or people who just drop the stuff off and avoid her like the pague - Who recover quicker and which is most painless?
Sasukie Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 To everyone thanks again the advice means alot. I'm just sitting here on my own while she isn't upset having fun with friends. It just doesn't seem fair. I want to sit down with her and ask how could she do it so suddenly and try to convince her but I know it wont work. Question : Do people who tend to have a final chat for an hour about everything then part ways or people who just drop the stuff off and avoid her like the pague - Who recover quicker and which is most painless? I don't know, why don't you tell us? Also "I'm just sitting here on my own while she isn't upset having fun with friends. It just doesn't seem fair." This line - I want you to open up other forum pages (not your own) and read them. You'll realize how many people went/ are going through this same stage you're facing and have said the exact same line. Life isn't fair. Instead of pussying around about some random girl and making it like if your life depends on it, think about all the people in third world countries who can't even get any food? You're 24. Stand up straight and walk away like a man. 1
KaliLove Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 So go out and have fun with your own friends. It's not her fault you're sitting around being miserable while she's out having fun, it's yours. You will get over this. Remember, everyone here is going through the exact same thing you are. We have all been there and we all understand and we are all in varying stages of getting over it. Btw aren't you glad you didn't make that album now? 1
KaliLove Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 I don't know, why don't you tell us? Also "I'm just sitting here on my own while she isn't upset having fun with friends. It just doesn't seem fair." This line - I want you to open up other forum pages (not your own) and read them. You'll realize how many people went/ are going through this same stage you're facing and have said the exact same line. Life isn't fair. Instead of pussying around about some random girl and making it like if your life depends on it, think about all the people in third world countries who can't even get any food? You're 24. Stand up straight and walk away like a man. I generally like your posts Sasukie but I hate it when people use this argument when it has absolutely nothing to do with the situation. It's not fair to compare him to people in third world countries. Just because their situations are more dire than his doesn't mean he's not in pain. It's not fair to minimize what he's going through like that.
Author ahthepain Posted April 2, 2014 Author Posted April 2, 2014 She was my one true friend. We did everything together. Yes I have other friends but very few close enough to go out with when ever I ask or feel like. We did everything together. I know she misses me but she won't admit it. She wants to be single and have no worries while she is young. There is nothing I can do about that, but I think that if I tell her that she shouldn't throw this away she might eventually listen. I need to move on. I'm here with just my dog and nothing. No texting. I feel so alone and so hopeless. How and when will I feel better?
sooshi Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 I don't think a true friend would stop caring about you. Throughout all of this, your dog is still there. Such good, true friends dogs are! Yes, you're right that you need to move on. How and when will you feel better? We don't know. And it's up to you. It's really hard at first, but it DOES get easier with time. If you decide to try to reconcile with her, it's going to take you longer to feel better. Don't talk to her. Don't talk to mutual friends about talking to her. It's hard and painful to do, but it is the way to feeling better. While doing nothing and saying nothing to her, focus on doing what makes you feel better. Play with your dog, go for walks, spend time with someone who cares about you. You deserve to feel better. Tell this to yourself, and then go and live by doing productive things that make you feel better.
lolablue17 Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 (edited) There are people who needs to get the lowest bottom, in order to start climbing. I read all this thread and i think Only the loud sound of a strong slap in your face will wake you up and pull you out of the movie you live in. So, i suggest you start doing the opposite of what you did till now. Go, Talk to her, invite her to drink. ask her out, beg her to come back to you... If she doesn't cooperate, show your self at her door even in the middle of the night. And do it again and again. Then after the police will be involved, and you are arrested for Harassment and you'll have to bail yourself out, only then you will be humiliated enough to understand that IT'S OVER!!! Edited April 2, 2014 by lolablue17
Trovador Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 This person reminds me of some dude who used to post on this subforum (I think he still does)... what was the name of this dude? He, he... On topic: Life goes on, man... learn the lessons and keep walking...
Author ahthepain Posted April 2, 2014 Author Posted April 2, 2014 Thank you again for the replies. I honestly feel so helpless here. I am trying to man up but she was my entire world and every second of every day I think of her.
Sasukie Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 I generally like your posts Sasukie but I hate it when people use this argument when it has absolutely nothing to do with the situation. It's not fair to compare him to people in third world countries. Just because their situations are more dire than his doesn't mean he's not in pain. It's not fair to minimize what he's going through like that. Sorry Kali, think I kinda went overboard. And yes, shouldn't have used a comparison like that. Anyways - how does your dog react to seeing you sad? I wonder if they can read your emotions. Besides the point - truthfully you don't need to hold back your emotions. Everyone breaksdown and cries, maybe you're even doing it now. Its ok - just do whatever you feel like for a while (as long as its legal). People compare breakups to mini deaths - because in a sense it'll be like a death of the person since you won't be associated with them anymore. Surround yourself with friends after some solitude. You want to know whats happening so you don't have to rationalize?: Two parties - boy and girl. a ) girl got bored/tired/fed up/whatever reason and broke up with boy. (that's you). Likely she has another person also in line (don't doubt that, you'll be surprised how often this happens), she's sick of you - which is why everyone advised you to back off. Because when you're sick of vanilla ice cream and someone gives you more vanilla icecream but they give you vanilla sprinkles, what are you going to do? You're going to puke. Hence your ex g can get over you quickly. b) On the other hand, you feel like this came out of nowhere. You were the one more interested in her than she was you. Now as my friend phrases it, its time to crash and burn. She's had time to grieve and pull away from you so she won't hurt as much. Because this just happened, you'll be sad for a while. Hope that brings a bit more clarity. It hurts, yes I know, but just one phase in life. You're telling me at the age of 24 - out of the 6 billion people+, that you found the "one" already? Highly unlikely. Build yourself like a tank and go out there when you're more comfortable. You'll realize how many lessons you will have learnt from this break up, and you won't make the same choices in the future. PS: Funny how my friend gave me that same example - but used general tao chicken instead. What if you ate general tao chicken everyday, wouldn't you get sick of it? Even after half a year, if someone offered you general tao chicken, you'd rather try that celery instead. 1
Sasukie Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 I'm no tough guy, I'm 23, but I focus on work and other things like sports. My own little story - gave my ex g my 100% attention, kinda like I was babysitting her (she failed university, while I had a pretty high GPA). Lived with her for the year basically. She came from a bad background because she partied too hard in uni and hung out with the wrong crowd (weed + drinking a lot) Anyways same shiz, after our 1 year anniv, one of her best "guy" friends asked her why she isn't partying hard anymore (she's 21). And she reverts back to her old self. Someone who I wouldn't want to associate with. Realized people can't change their true nature. Again besides the point.. but I was like you - had the same thoughts of reconciling (except no begging at all). After 2 months I thought I had a chance to reconcile with her - went over and had the 1 hr final chat to see how she was feeling and whether she was missing me. Nope. not a bit. turns out this classmate I knew about had struck right after we broke up and told her that he liked her and gave her a gift lmao. It hurt like a bi t c h. I was down and out for 2-3 months. Gaming felt like a chore and what not. Spent days just reading the forums and moping after work. Now it's been what...6 months? Do I still feel twinges when I hear her name? sure. Do I like her? Nope. barely remember what she looks like Do I regret not being with her? Sure she was a nice gf - but way too much baggage. And I know its not my loss, its hers. Even her family acknowledged that. But none of that matters as it no longer has anything to do with you. End of the day, we've all been through breakups. They suck no doubt, but you'll get through it. Gambate~ 1
Author ahthepain Posted April 2, 2014 Author Posted April 2, 2014 Thank you for sharing that Sas, I feel like it is the end of the world but if I actually put my emotions aside all she had really going for her was a great friendship and her great looks. She lacked alot of what I would want in a serious long term relationship. I hope that in a few weeks I will be able to spend the majority of the day not thinking of her.
noob_saibot Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 I have listening to all the advice and took the big step of no contact and didn't do alot of the things like the photo album ect, The hardest part for me is letting go because I think there is still a chance. Since it is only day one of NC I may aswell go and see her if she still feels the same way then I can just start NC again. hmmm.. i can see exactly what she is doing. read her like a book. this is the hott zone right now, shes trying to stay one step a head of you at all times. she will try to do everything before you do and make sure you are aware of it. good idea to listen, remember to back off my best suggestion is to be seen by her, but make her invisible to you. hang with the chicks. go socialize with your buddies, i know what your going through, and the pain can be worse than any actual physical pain, antidepressents can help if that gut feeling gets too intense, and i do recommend them for what you are about to endure, what she does WILL hurt you more. and she KNOWS it. she may even get a kick out of watching you squirm. maybe its time to make her squirm, move on quicker then she did, because no one knows her better than you. you know what pisses her off, what makes her tick. what made her chase you in the past,. just follow the same principles and walla. she knows she can have you back in a heart beat. but what if she doesnt know all of a sudden? pannic mode. everyonce says it,, just give her that taste of fear and loss, it will destroy her emotionally and like i said before, the tables will be turned.
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