elseaacych Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Okay. So there's this guy that I like (but not like-like, as we will get to in a minute), and I used to be interested in him potentially romantically. We went on one date a little over 3 years ago. It was nice, but there were some incompatibilities. He and I aren't on the same wavelength, if you know what I am saying. He's had a massive crush on me since then. Very obvious. But I shortly got into a relationship, (as did he) and he was still around here and there as a friend. Now we are both single again. He's confessed to me that he "used to crush on me". But I am not interested in pursuing a relationship aside from one that's strictly platonic. Because I like him, I just don't ever see myself liking him in that way. What do I do to be friends with him without leading him on?
slizl Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Just date a douchebag and string the nice guy along like 95% of women out there... 3
Author elseaacych Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 Just date a douchebag and string the nice guy along like 95% of women out there... The goal is to avoid that. I do not want to string him along at all. I just want to know how to treat him so I DO NOT DO THAT. He deserves more respect. I guess it's a variation on the eternal question of can men and women ever just be friends? Maybe I need to re-watch When Harry Met Sally.
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Okay. So there's this guy that I like (but not like-like, as we will get to in a minute), and I used to be interested in him potentially romantically. We went on one date a little over 3 years ago. It was nice, but there were some incompatibilities. He and I aren't on the same wavelength, if you know what I am saying. He's had a massive crush on me since then. Very obvious. But I shortly got into a relationship, (as did he) and he was still around here and there as a friend. Now we are both single again. He's confessed to me that he "used to crush on me". But I am not interested in pursuing a relationship aside from one that's strictly platonic. Because I like him, I just don't ever see myself liking him in that way. What do I do to be friends with him without leading him on? Unless you're EXPLICIT from the onset that you don't see a romantic relationship developing with him he's gonna keep trying his hardest to get to your va jay jay. Hell, even if you tell him ur only interested in a platonic friend he still might pursue you depending on how beta he is. 1
somedude81 Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 What do I do to be friends with him without leading him on? Don't. Do the humane thing and cut him out of your life. Your friendship is not a consolation prize. 1
Author elseaacych Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 Don't. Do the humane thing and cut him out of your life. Your friendship is not a consolation prize. Sounds... harsh...
thecrucible Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 I have the same issue right now, except I genuinely see the guy as a friend and have not wholly ruled out something more (although I have told him 'friends' as best to be clear about it). All you can do is be honest with him and tell him you only see him as a friend. It's up to him whether he wants to stick around or not. That and making sure you don't flirt with him so that he thinks he's in with a chance. You have to be careful not to send out mixed messages. 1
thecrucible Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Just date a douchebag and string the nice guy along like 95% of women out there... Are you sure that's true? Sounds like a gross oversimplification of how female attraction works. It's hard to find combination of attraction and a good guy you know. Not everyone is going to do it for you.
TXGuy Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Don't let him pay for anything while you are out doing 'friend' activities. 2
thecrucible Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Don't let him pay for anything while you are out doing 'friend' activities. Yeah that too. You don't want it to look like you're using him. 1
somedude81 Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Sounds... harsh... It's not. It's the best possible thing you can do for him. Being his friend will only give him false hope. If you are 100% certain that you do not want to date him, don't be his friend.
thecrucible Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 It's not. It's the best possible thing you can do for him. Being his friend will only give him false hope. If you are 100% certain that you do not want to date him, don't be his friend. I know what you mean. It can be painful otherwise. But what if you genuinely want to be friends with him? I agree with you when it comes to some people. I mean some people only want to be friends out of the guilt and not because they genuinely like you after they have rejected you. From your experience, what is the best way for a woman to reject someone and how to act afterwards? 1
somedude81 Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 I know what you mean. It can be painful otherwise. But what if you genuinely want to be friends with him? I agree with you when it comes to some people. I mean some people only want to be friends out of the guilt and not because they genuinely like you after they have rejected you. From your experience, what is the best way for a woman to reject someone and how to act afterwards? It doesn't matter if you genuinely want to be friends with them. If you cared about the person you wouldn't give them false hope. I used to be really good friends with a girl whom I was obsessed with. Even though she turned me down several times, I stayed friends with her for a couple of years hoping that there was something I could do to change her mind. I didn't have the willpower to end the friendship because I liked her too much. Eventually she kicked me out of her life and I finally got over her. Both of us made a big mistake. I stayed her friend and even got closer to her after she rejected me. She continued to be my friend after she turned me down. I think she rejected me like four times. Now that I'm more experienced, I don't become friends with girls I could be interested in because I know it will turn out ugly, and I'll get hurt.
StanMusial Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Maybe I need to re-watch When Harry Met Sally. Didn't they get together at the end? Someone please tell me cause I'm sure as hell not going to re-watch it.
Author elseaacych Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 Didn't they get together at the end? Someone please tell me cause I'm sure as hell not going to re-watch it. I think they do. It's been a couple years since I've seen it though. Maybe not the best example in this instance...
carhill Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 What do I do to be friends with him without leading him on? Include him in your social circle and introduce him to your eligible single female friends. He and I aren't on the same wavelength, if you know what I am saying. This usually precludes friendship, since friends tend to be synergistic in their 'wavelengths'. If you simply don't find him attractive, that's OK. Friends don't try to get into each other's clothing, rather share similar interests and life philosophies. What's one interest of his which you enjoy doing with him? Most people would tell you to 'put him out of his misery', and I tend to agree with that, but offer alternatives for your consideration. Good luck!
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