Welshman Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Hi there, This is my first time posting on any sort of relationship forum, so bear with me on this one! It's a long story, but I'll try to condense it down to the important facts: We met when we were both 18. I'm 30 now and she's 29. We were both our 'firsts', if you get my meaning. After a year, we broke up. We'd both applied to different universities and felt the long distance wouldn't be worth it. And so, we broke up. Apart from the odd occasion at Xmas or during summer holidays where I'd bump into her, we were apart for the next three years of our lives. We both had numerous partners in this time - the classic 'student years', as it were, partying way too much and having a lot of casual relations! But at the end of my third year, just as 'real life' was about to begin I got a voicemail from her one night. She was obviously drunk and wasn't really making much sense. But all at once I felt a spark re-ignite in my chest; it was great to hear from her! Totally unexpected, but really, really great! After a brief chat the next day, I went down to London to see her. We fell in love again that summer and by the end of the year, she's moved to Cardiff to be with me. Six months later, we separated. It was obviously too much, too soon and we both realised this. It was painful, because it seemed to mean that true love did not, after all, exist and that it was merely nostalgia getting the better of us! But she remained in Cardiff and occasionally I'd see her out, including one time when I went to the cinema (on my own) and I saw her there with a date. That one hurt! I started dating again too. It was fine, met some nice girls. But I couldn't forget about her. I was always thinking about her and wondering what she was doing. So we met up for coffee one day and we talked a bit and we ended up walking around the city and eventually going back to my place (our previous flat we shared). We kissed and it felt like something had started again. We were both seeing other people at the time, but felt we couldn't go on living a lie - we still loved each other very much, so we agreed to give it another go, living in separate houses this time. What followed was a turbulent and difficult 2 years, while good at times, sadly saw the death of her father, a lot of job-hopping and financial troubles for both of us and ultimately, the end of the relationship. She was later diagnosed with severe depression and was - quite literally - out of it for a number of months. This period really tested us as not only a couple but as human beings, IMO. While we weren't 'together', I still saw her almost every day. I'd go round to her flat and we watched movies or hung out, go to the cinema, etc. I tried to do as much as I could with her, and while there was no strict social obligation to do so, I still treated her like my girlfriend; in that, I never once stopped loving her. I was determined to get her through this dark time, because I knew underneath it all there was a bright, beautiful girl with so much to offer the world. She tried to take her own life during this bleak period, but in hindsight I feel it was more a cry for help. Nevertheless, I remember feeling as if we could never be apart again, so made a conscious effort to re-kindle the romance once more. So we did, and it was... Well, that particular chapter had been difficult for us both. We each had to undergo a lot of post-traumatic therapy to overcome the emotional scars - unfortunately , the physical ones she still carries will always serve as a painful reminder of this time. So she decided to leave. To Australia. Not for good, just for a few months. It was something she'd planned with her roommate some time before, when we weren't together. I couldn't possibly go with her due to work commitments and lack of funds, but said I'd save up in the meantime so I could visit her out there at some point during her travels. It was a strange thing, letting her go again. We'd only recently got back together properly and now she was about to disappear out of my life again for six months. But I thought, we've faced tougher obstacles before, we can work through this! When she first arrived, she regretted it immediately. The distance was too much for her. We spoke every day for the first 3/4 days until I said to her, just relax and enjoy yourself. You're in possibly the greatest country in the world! And so she did... A little too much, unfortunately. A week later she phoned me to say she'd slept with someone. A week. That's all it took! I was hurt, beyond belief. She admitted it was a mistake and that she didn't want to lose me.. I somehow got over this, and 5 months later, after saving enough for a flight and some spending money, I went out to see her. And it was amazing. Just, the best summer of my life. We travelled back to the UK that September and all was well again.... For a bit, anyway. Turns out her random lover wasn't the cleanest boy in Oz and after a few weeks of suspicion, the GP confirmed some pretty disgusting news - that she'd contracted herpes some months ago. It explained why she didn't want to have that much sex in Australia, at least. So for that I was grateful! When she got back, she was penniless and jobless. She decided to move back up to North Wales with her Mum and started her life over, working at a hardware shop. Eventually she moved into a house share with another guy (who was attached, so I wasn't worried). The situation wasn't ideal, but the distance wasn't too bad - better than being on the other side of the planet, I thought! Unfortunately, it was now my turn to be the villain. I'd made a lot of new friends that summer she was gone, and had flirted with and even kissed a few girls innocently at beer gardens, barbecues, places like that. I never slept with anyone, but felt that if I wanted to, I could have, because of what happened with her in Oz. And so, one stupid drunken evening I let my guard down and slept with someone I'd met at a party that year. I regretted it the next day. I didn't tell my GF until months later during an argument. I knew I'd done a bad thing, and I could've stopped it at the time, I wasn't that drunk. But I was also hurting and still felt betrayed and humiliated to a certain degree. We worked through it. Things were a bit strange for a while but we managed to put our love first and forgive each other for everything. So began a clean slate, a new and improved "honesty comes first" agreement was made and if anything ever happened with anyone else, we'd promise to tell each other about it. It wasn't that long ago that the tryst was broken once again - she'd got drunk at a friend's wedding and slept with someone. Again! I was devastated. Again! But I blamed myself this time. She'd wanted me to give up the city life to live with her in our rural North Wales. I was always away on tour or needed to be in the city for work opportunities (I'm an actor). Whatever the excuses were, I made them. Deep down I guess I just didn't want to commit. I'd been given a taste of freedom and still felt as if I had some sort of emotional "free pass" to do as I pleased. But eventually, after months of stringing her along, I finally made the move back to North Wales. Trouble was, the house mate had move out months ago, so the rent was ruining her financially. She blamed me for this - I said I'd move up eventually to be with her, but when I finally grew the balls to do so and forget the romanticised idea of being a young, hip bohemian living in the city, I fear it was too late. While she didn't show it straight away, I knew there was something wrong. She was pretty much taking care of me financially to begin with, however I felt I did my bit in taking her to work every day and cooking her meals every night she came home. I fed her pets and looked after her plants and would generally make myself as useful as possible until any work came in. Which eventually it did and I was eventually able to contribute to December and January's rent. Despite facing my my bleakest period financially for some time, I'd grown to love her and respect so much more and became increasingly keen on the idea of asking her the 'big question'; while I never saw myself ever truly affording a ring or a house or any other material gesture, but she always told me she was never bothered by that kind of thing and that all she ever wanted was me and her, together. Forever. And as it turns out, after many years of confusion and false-starts, that's what I wanted too. Which brings us pretty much up to the present day.. I'm on a touring job again, have been away from our home for about 5 weeks now. Just before I left, it was announced that the hardware shop was closing. She was about to lose her job and I was about to leave for two months because, well, I had to! I didn't have any money. It was a hard decision, but I had to leave and do something if I was going to buy her that ring finally! When I left, things were great. In spite of her job issues and my on-going money woes, the love was back. Possibly due to us both being in such desperate professional positions, who knows. But it felt like us against the world. Just me and her. There was a new-found sense if togetherness which in turn, drew us closer and our physical relationship was the best it had been in months (sorry, but I feel this counts). So I left, tearfully. But happy knowing I'd be back in a month or so for two weeks and before finishing the rest of the run. I was looking forward to those two weeks. I'd been missing her like mad. She'd snuck a love note into my bag which I only found a few days after I arrived at my new digs - it mentioned how much she loved me and how hard it was going to be not being together but how we're so much stronger now and more in love than ever. To which I agreed, naturally. I couldn't wait to be back again. I'd even started looking at rings in my days off, just to get an idea of how much money I'd need. I was hoping I'd be able to return in May ready to pop the question, but sadly, it doesn't look likely now as this weekend she rang me to say she wanted to end it. For real this time. She said she'd had enough waiting around and felt that I'd never truly commit to her and that the lies were too much for her to handle. She just didn't believe me when I said I loved her, anymore and that when I return for my two week break in April, my stuff would be boxed and ready to move out. Surprised? Well, I was! In total shock, actually. I knew something was wrong because she hadn't spoke to me in a few days and wasn't replying to my texts.. And then she broke her silence with that bombshell. I'm totally confused and really don't understand what's happened this time. Everyone says it's just another case of "me and her" syndrome and everything will be ok. But she hasn't replied since and from what I can see online she's just been out getting pissed with her girlfriends and workmates, having a good time. It seems like she doesn't care. And it's breaking my heart, really. I want so much to just get on the next train and talk this out with her, but I can't leave for another two weeks. I'm afraid the more I leave it, the further she'll slip away from me, but I just don't understand what's happened!? Why has she changed her mind so completely?! It was only last week she was telling me she loved me and couldn't wait to see me again. What should I do? So there you have it! Sorry for turning this into an epic tale, but believe it or not that is the short version..! Actually feels quite good recalling all this stuff and writing it down. Never done that before! Thanks for reading. Any advice will be greatly appreciated. Much love, Welshman
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