Legatus Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Hi wise people of LoveShack! I always like to know other people's opinion so I figured why not ask the wise folks here.. I'm already overthinking everything myself, but with a smile on my face so I'm not really that bothered what happens next but still.. Let's start. Few weeks ago I've met with some friends in a pub. It was great and during the visit I talked a lot to a lovely bartender. I didn't hit on her or anything but she kindly mentioned she was already spoken for which was good, at least I knew I could talk to her. (plus she already knows how to make a perfect drink for me) Last Friday my friends from work visited my city and convinced me to go out with them. Went to few places and then I said let's go to the pub X so we did. Had a chat with the bartender while buying drinks and then went to the table. Half an hour before they closed a girl came to take our empty glasses (I knew she wasn't working there as I saw her drinking at the bar previously) and my friend started chatting her up. She tried to guess how old we were and then we all introduced ourselves and asked her whether they were going out and said maybe we'd meet. We went to a club, got some drinks and started dancing.. I like dancing, so wherever I see dancefloor I'm there (not standing, drinking, talking but dancing). After a while the girls came. They tried to dance with me but were definitely shy. I was hoping the girl we talked to before would dance but I think she was the shyest of all (let's call her X) When my friends were leaving, one of them came to me and told me the X girl liked me and I should go for it. I don't usually believe in comments like that but because he was more confident the I am it was still nice to hear. After they left the girls started dancing a little bit more. The bartender tried a bit closer dance with me when I told her she was supposed to be spoken for. She went away (don't need any boyfriend drama in my life haha). The X girl came few times and danced a while... After half an hour the party was over so we went home. I waited till they said all their goodbyes and while walking out of the club I asked X if she would like to meet me again. She wasn't sure so I kept pushing for an answer (whatever it would be). Now there's one turn in the conversation that I don't quite understand. Yes I am a foreigner and English is not my mother tongue, therefore I may not instantly understand all metaphors but after I asked again whether she would see my again, her friend (the bartender) said "She thinks you're a stallion".. not to mention that at first I thought she said "Italian" (I can't stop laughing every time I think about it haha), but my first thought was she thinks I just sleep with any woman all the time. The truth couldn't be further away. I really liked her, so after few minutes I took her on a side and asked again. She said we would see each other in the pub anyway (after all her friend was bartender and the pub became my favourite place), but I said "I want to see you outside the pub". She asked me how old I was, so I said 26, and then added "You are 23 right?". She answered "Oh you remember" and decided to give me her number. First of all, it was nice to be rewarded for something as simple as LISTENING. Doesn't happen often I'll tell you that.. Well I called her next day but nobody answered and then I got a text "Whos this", so I answered that it's the guy you gave a number last night (+ my name). No reply. Few hours later I texted again something in lines "You can't remember? Or are you not sure? Let's grab a coffee sometime. See you around".. no reply. Then I started doubting the fact whether I actually typed her number correctly. Considering my excitement and tiredness (I usually sleep 3-4 hours a day so long day at work and then partying till 3am can make you tired). On Sunday I went to the pub anyway. I consider it a nice place and I got cup of tea and finally had a nice few hours reading a book. Before I left I asked the bartender whether she could help me because I tried calling X but I didn't get a response and don't know if I got the right number. She completely misunderstood me, I would never ask her to reveal her friend's number to me, rather I just wanted a confirmation if I accidentally mistyped it. I may go over there next weekend and see if she's got any news for me. But now, there comes part that I'm trying to overthink: 1. If it is her number and she doesn't want to see me - why wouldn't she just reply to the text with something to just say she's not interested. Nobody would prefer getting lots of texts from someone they don't want to see. It's just SPAM after all hah 2. If it is her number and she does want to see me but because she misjudged my confidence and thinks I am some kind of ladies man and wants me to show a bit more effort? 3. If it's not her number then why somebody wouldn't reply (similar to no 1) "it's not <name>, stop texting me" 4. If she gave me wrong number, why would she if she knew I would see her in the pub anyway 5. Last option is that I'm complete idiot by typing the number wrong I think I saw her on Sunday, passed her on the street, she was in rush but instead of coming up to her and at least call her name to see if she turns, I stood like an idiot - yes that's a little regret. I mean I will go to the pub again on Sunday to get my afternoon reading. Whether I see her or not - I am not sad if I don't because it was still good night but I don't like unfinished business. Should I send another text, should I call again and see if it is her number after all? I have nothing to lose really but everything to gain, I know the answer should be simple. But I'd like to hear your opinion on the story.. wow.. quite long story!
HappyLove Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 NO, NO, and NOOOOOO! Drop her, move on! She's not that into you and now she's playing games. Find someone who's into you as much as you are with them. Sorry.
Mrin Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Ya I have to agree. Just move on and don't do a single thing more. I mean go to the pub like you normally would BUT WITH FRIENDS. No friends and you are a creepy guy. Don't look for her. Don't inquire about her. If she's there be all warm and nice - make eye contact and smile. But don't approach her. Let her do the approaching.
Author Legatus Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 (edited) Aye, same thought came to my head today.. that she may be playing games either way (but then again, if it's not her number and I just typed it wrong she has no way of contacting me really). I know I know.. wishful thinking haha : ) Of course it would be good to know whether I do have her right number as this would clear things up but I'll see.. but you're right, now if I show up there, I'm just gonna look desperate.. dam*! my spot is ruined. Ok but honestly.. did I do something wrong? Was I complete retard? To be clear, I behaved quite naturally for the whole night and afterwords, so let me know if you think I made a mistake somewhere. I talked to her, I listened, I didn't try to take her home or anything. To be honest I think I did everything as I should have.. Edited March 31, 2014 by Legatus
Mrin Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Aye, same thought came to my head today.. that she may be playing games either way (but then again, if it's not her number and I just typed it wrong she has no way of contacting me really). I know I know.. wishful thinking haha : ) Of course it would be good to know whether I do have her right number as this would clear things up but I'll see.. but you're right, now if I show up there, I'm just gonna look desperate.. dam*! my spot is ruined. Ok but honestly.. did I do something wrong? Was I complete retard? To be clear, I behaved quite naturally for the whole night and afterwords, so let me know if you think I made a mistake somewhere. I talked to her, I listened, I didn't try to take her home or anything. To be honest I think I did everything as I should have.. Man, I dunno. I wasn't there. If there weren't sparks flying I probably wouldn't have gone to the well as many times as you did to get her number. It wasn't like you weren't ever going to see this lady again. Also, following up with the bartender probably came off as stalkerish. It put the bartender in a bad position and she probably passed the story along like "your Italian stalker was in here the other lady looking for you". It wasn't like you didn't know where to find her. Hindsight is always 20/20 but in retrospect another way to handle it would have been to just wait until you see her again and if the opportunity came up, flirt with her some more as see where it goes. Seduction is a dance. All that being said, this stuff varies culture to culture. I'm speaking from a strictly US perspective. I know in other cultures it is almost expected that the dude does some hard chasing else he's really not interested. Hope this helps.
Author Legatus Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 That's the thing. You're not gonna do anything - seems like you have no interest, if you do - it's too much. Finding the balance is almost impossible. (and I believe it has lots to do with the culture) But when I think about it now. Going there on Sunday could have been too much. Shame my spot is ruined but I'll find another one. I will definitely go there as me and my friends like that place, so we'll see how she plays it out. If she's cool I will be too.. Well if I see her again I'll do just like you said, smile and let it be..
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