Need your insight about Girlfriend

[Kernal]

I had a good date with her.. I guess all is well.. Dont know what to think.

[Kernal]

Well on the way home from work I called her and after some general chit chat I asked what was the plan this weekend.

 

She said that her sister from Houston has driven up today for her other sisters birthday tomorrow. She said she hasn't gotten ahold of them but she will let me know the plan.

 

I told her it would be cool with me whatever they decide.. Whether it be girls night or doing something all together.

 

About 2 hours later I got her reply..

 

"Hey We are going to hang out at my sisters house.. Her husband is working.. Going to have a girls night.. Talk to you tomorrow."

 

So I gave her an out.. She took it.. Space.. I really don't have a problem with it. Nothing wrong with the three sisters hanging out. I really wouldn't want to be there if her husband wasn't there with three women LOL

 

The only thing that bothers me is the last sentence.

[GemmaUK]

Well on the way home from work I called her and after some general chit chat I asked what was the plan this weekend.

 

She said that her sister from Houston has driven up today for her other sisters birthday tomorrow. She said she hasn't gotten ahold of them but she will let me know the plan.

 

I told her it would be cool with me whatever they decide.. Whether it be girls night or doing something all together.

 

About 2 hours later I got her reply..

 

"Hey We are going to hang out at my sisters house.. Her husband is working.. Going to have a girls night.. Talk to you tomorrow."

 

So I gave her an out.. She took it.. Space.. I really don't have a problem with it. Nothing wrong with the three sisters hanging out. I really wouldn't want to be there if her husband wasn't there with three women LOL

 

The only thing that bothers me is the last sentence.

 

What is up with the last sentence?

'Talk to you tomorrow' is a problem?

Why?

[Kernal]

What is up with the last sentence?

'Talk to you tomorrow' is a problem?

Why?

 

I don't know.. To me its saying.. Don't bother me any more tonight.

 

But see thats space right... Like other posters have said.

 

She gave me almost all last weekend.. Its cool..

 

I would like to know if she is really going there.. No reason NOT to trust her. Just all this has made me so insecure. ugh.

[Gaeta]

I don't know.. To me its saying.. Don't bother me any more tonight.

 

But see thats space right... Like other posters have said.

 

She gave me almost all last weekend.. Its cool..

 

I would like to know if she is really going there.. No reason NOT to trust her. Just all this has made me so insecure. ugh.

 

That's what happens when your gut feeling is telling you something is off but you don't listen. You are becoming cligny and jealous. You are not happy in this relationship, it's becoming a daily worry. You try to convince yourself that you are ok with her luckywarm feelings but you obviously are not.

 

She told you what she is giving you right now is the most she can afford emotionally. Why are you surprised each time she cuts you short?

 

Tell me, how long will you be able to lie to yourself?

[Kernal]

I ended up going to a movie with my son and right after it began she had texted me that her brother in law was taking the girls out to the Slippery Minnow and she wanted me to join them...

 

I didn't get the text till an hour later. Texted her back that I could come out after movie which was over two hours long..

 

After the movie was over I asked if they were still there and she said they were but were about to leave as she had been up since 4 AM she was really tired and wanted to go home to bed.

 

I thought it was nice that she invited me out. She said she would see me today.

 

She texted me this morning and wants to see me after she gets back from the pool... Her sisters birthday is today and she doesnt want to go to where they are going for the party. She also wants to do easter dinner here..

 

 

Gaeta,

 

I just feel that there is something between us. I agree with you that she is giving all she can emotionally. But that doesn't mean that things wont pan out.

This is taking a toll on me though. Im trying to pull away from her emotionally also. Trying to just accept what it is at this time.

 

It's not that I am not satisfied with what we have at the present.. It ok with me that she wants to take it slow.. I'm just worried that it will never become something more in the future.

Edited April 19, 2014 by Kernal

[Eternal Sunshine]

OP you sound like the type that is incapable of being single and get emotionally attached to every woman you meet. And if there is no prospect in the picture, you recycle exs. I bet you would be going back to your ex W for a third try if this woman didn't enter the picture.

 

In this R, you are being insecure, clingy and doormatty and no wonder this woman is turned off. She doesn't need a partner in her life to feel complete like you seem to. Major incompatibility.

[Kernal]

I appreciate your insight.

 

She has no idea I have the feelings that I have expressed on the forum. I give her space when she wants it and although I want to see her more I never get upset or even show her I'm upset.

 

I hope she doesn't see me as clingy because I dont express my self doubt to her like I have on this forum.

 

I didn't immediately get emotionally attached to her. We have been together 7 months now.. 7 months is time for alot of people to get emotionally attached.

 

She's cautious about relationships.. I have concluded she has doubts about our comparability but she still wants to see me. She hasnt given up on me.

 

She told me.. She has never dated anyone like me before. This is new territory and the others she dated never worked out.

Edited April 20, 2014 by Kernal

[Kernal]

I guess I'm done analyzing everything so much..

 

I want to save this relationship. I think the best advice I've received is to just back off and match my emotional commitment level to hers.

 

I feel she is sencing I'm wanting to push the relationship faster than her and I need to stop.

 

We are leaving on Thursday for 4 days in new Orleans.. Jazz fest..

 

This might be my make it or break it weekend. I'm not going to try to be anything but my self.. Back off from the clingy and just have a blast

Edited April 22, 2014 by Kernal

[Gaeta]

I've read something in another thread and unfortunately I can't find it again to quote it properly but the person was pointing that there is a difference between neediness and cligniness in a relationship. Basically it's normal to have relationship needs and to not misinterpret for cligniness.

 

After what? 7 months now it's normal for you to have certain emotional <needs>. They are obviously not being met. I personally would not invest in a person for more than 3 months if my relationship needs were not met. It would simply means we are not compatible in terms of relationship goals.

 

I wish you a great weekend and wish it to bring you 'clarity'.

[Kernal]

I would think that emotional needs are our fundamental needs for companionship and love and touch.

 

Being clingy to me would be like being obsessed with a person for your whole life revolves around them. Its like you have nothing better to do but be with that person 24 /7. Being too available

[Gaeta]

I would think that emotional needs are our fundamental needs for companionship and love and touch.

You got one missing. That's why you feel the way you do. You are not cligny, you are lacking one of your fundamental relationship needs.

[Kernal]

Like you said before.. I'm kinda on a time line seeing if this turns around.. Seeing if our relationship status progressing..

 

She obviously sees dome potential or she still wouldn't be with me.

[Gaeta]

She obviously sees dome potential or she still wouldn't be with me.

You are so naive

[Kernal]

Yeah I know.. I'm just the filler guy till something better comes along..

 

 

You are so naive

[LifeIsGreat]

Yeah I know.. I'm just the filler guy till something better comes along..

Yeah, you know it yet you keep going. I told you this before.... I was in just about the same position as you a year ago. That was the first woman like that I had ever dealt with and I guarantee she will be the last!!!

 

You guys are NOT compatible in relationships styles. I wish you the best, but I know exactly how this is going to end. The longer you deal with this, the harder you are goin to fall when the time comes.

[Kernal]

Her relationship style to me is slow.. I'm OK with that for now..

 

Of course the type A speech.. Hmm.. Maybe that's the big indicator everyone is basing their advice on. I definitely think that's a red flag.

[Gaeta]

Her relationship style to me is slow.. I'm OK with that for now..

 

Of course the type A speech.. Hmm.. Maybe that's the big indicator everyone is basing their advice on. I definitely think that's a red flag.

 

Not to me, what got me to make up my mind about your gf is when you simply said you slept better next to her and she jumped like you had asked her hand in marriage and answered she was not ready for that type of seriousness. That was a knee jerk reaction from there that said it all. And we know when someone says after 6 months 'I am not ready' what it means is 'I am not ready with YOU'.

 

But sorry, I am repeating myself, I know.

[LifeIsGreat]

Someday you will say to yourself: "what the hell was I thinking". And that's OK, life is about living and learning. Relationships require work and occassional stress, but it shouldn't require THAT much work and stress. Continued posting here is just going to make it worse for you. If you want to continue trying with her you'll have to stop analyzing and try to simply live in the moment with her. Stop worrying about outcomes and concentrate on living your life.

[Kernal]

Thank you both. I agree

[LifeIsGreat]

Now, be gone with you . We don't want to hear back from you for at least 2 months.

[GemmaUK]

...and I'll offer up my totally different perspective.

 

I have been reading, just not posting.

 

I'm gonna quote a few bits and post what I thought when reading them.

 

I guess I'm done analyzing everything so much..

 

I want to save this relationship. I think the best advice I've received is to just back off and match my emotional commitment level to hers.

 

I feel she is sencing I'm wanting to push the relationship faster than her and I need to stop.

 

We are leaving on Thursday for 4 days in new Orleans.. Jazz fest..

 

This might be my make it or break it weekend. I'm not going to try to be anything but my self.. Back off from the clingy and just have a blast

 

Emotional commitment comes in so many different forms.

It can be the woman who rests on your every word.

It can be the woman who loves to cook for you.

It can be the woman who just wants to kick back with you.

It can be the woman who walks on eggshells around you for fear of upsetting you.

It can be the woman who spends hours doing your ironing when she never irons her own clothes as she buys things that don't need ironing.

It can be the woman who loves you being around and involved with her family who she is close to.

 

These are all actions that parts and all of can make up a relationship.

The one I so badly want to experience again is the kick back...with someone who I love spending time with, who I can open up to, say things to and they won't been seen in any other way than how I say them. (yes this may take a few questions to get my meaning but I try my best and I'm not here to just offend..not at all. I'm just being open because I feel I can be.

(the above I relate to your man A/B scenario. I don't think she was being mean she was stating a fact..that you're a bit different is all).

I will move on to clingy/needy later...bear with me..

 

I've read something in another thread and unfortunately I can't find it again to quote it properly but the person was pointing that there is a difference between neediness and cligniness in a relationship. Basically it's normal to have relationship needs and to not misinterpret for cligniness.

 

After what? 7 months now it's normal for you to have certain emotional <needs>. They are obviously not being met. I personally would not invest in a person for more than 3 months if my relationship needs were not met. It would simply means we are not compatible in terms of relationship goals.

 

I wish you a great weekend and wish it to bring you 'clarity'.

 

For me, on a timescale of 3/6/7 months even I need to be enjoying the fun of the relationship.

I want it to be a break from the daily grind, something I look forward to as it's relaxed and feels good.

If I am busy with work I don't want my personal life to be tough too.

 

 

Kernal, you mentioned that she is sensing you are trying to move the relationship along. A little of that is fine..just not too much. It lets her you know you are interested.

Ultimatums will make me run and if after such a short time (because in the grand scheme of life 7 months is a short time) someone dropped 'heavy' on me I would have to go.

It would rip me up because in your situ..you are having a blast and a lot of fun and you are constantly invited and included or informed and kept in the loop (eg when she sets a boundary and she is spending time with her sis - which is perfectly ok until the next day..Really, it's normal! I never respond to texts when I am with someone unless it is actually urgent or we are meeting them. I always tell men who I am in a relationship with thet when they go out I won't text them and when I go out I expect the same. There is nothing sinister in that. It's just based on respect - respect formy guy, my friendsand the respect I like to receive also).

 

 

I would think that emotional needs are our fundamental needs for companionship and love and touch.

 

Being clingy to me would be like being obsessed with a person for your whole life revolves around them. Its like you have nothing better to do but be with that person 24 /7. Being too available

 

Clingy can be as obvious as looking at your partners eyes to attempt to assume what they are thinking when they are not looking at you. Then not making a decision and waiting for them to make one so that it's 'an alright decision'

Like choosing a movie to go and see and you are both looking at online reviews and always...it's down to er to choose in teh end because 'he' worries that she won't 'love' it.

I've experienced men get really upset wean I haven't liked a movie...one that we even chose together and he didn't like it much either!

I have also had someone try to gauge my absolute feeling wen I read a movie synopsis though and it puts so much pressure on me ....eck it's just a movie...it doesn't matter...if it's that bad we can leave!

 

There is something about this site that is detrimental. I've seen others post about it too.

I feel like I am picking a wound just enough to keep it from healing. One bit does and then I pick at the other side...and so it goes on.

 

Like you said before.. I'm kinda on a time line seeing if this turns around.. Seeing if our relationship status progressing..

 

She obviously sees dome potential or she still wouldn't be with me.

 

She does or she would have been gone by now.

 

If the things that were good are still good then you need to relax.

Sex = good..it still happens and she is 'involved'?

Fun - you are included she invites you to do things.

 

..on a side note..do you invite her to your family things? We haven't heard anything of your family as yet?

 

All I have said above could change upon your reply to that last bit.

We have a whole piece missing here.

[Kernal]

I have met her entire family... Her mother from Minnesota.. Her sisters from here and Houston.. Her best friends..

 

My family.. She has met my mother and sister..

 

I have asked her to meet my father in San Antonio but she has seemed a bit reluctant.. they are quite affluent and they have offered that we stay at their house. I think she feels awkward..

 

My dad is a devout Christian and I doubt I would feel comfortable in sleeping with her there since we are not married.. I told her we could stay in separate rooms but I think she is a bit shy.

 

The thing is it would all seem SO formal. I mean a specific trip to meet my dad.. I was thinking it would be better to make it a side trip to meet him.

 

Yes sex is good.

 

So I think if we go I would get a hotel if we went..

Edited April 23, 2014 by Kernal

[BlueIris]

Yeah, I agree that OP needs a different girlfriend. His hanging in while simultaneously being so negative about her feels kind of mean to me, dishonest. Also, when I’m dating someone I can tell when he’s emotional about something, especially about us, so I wonder if OP’s lady is sensing something as well.

 

Personally, I think she’d be flaming crazy to be drawing conclusions and making commitments to anyone who is less than a month out of a divorce, and a third divorce at that. But it doesn’t seem to matter to OP that he just got divorced again and it appears as though that’s inconsequential to lots of people. So, there is probably a gal out there that would suit OP better. Set her free, OP!!!

[Kernal]

she dumped me today