Need your insight about Girlfriend

[Gaeta]

*sigh* I've never dated a man that brought me my favorite. I thought my new guy was special cause he fixed my toilet lol

[Kernal]

I don't think I need to prove to her I'm a nice guy..

 

I really think tonight is going to be a pivotal point.. I'm not sure she'll accept my offer due to the fact she has to work tomorrow. She has to get up at 4 AM. Don't know she's going to want me to come over having to get up that early.

 

I'll call her when I get off work to see if she has plans..

[Kernal]

You know Gaeta my first practice wife was Canadian. She's the mother of my child and she was from Vancouver

 

*sigh* I've never dated a man that brought me my favorite. I thought my new guy was special cause he fixed my toilet lol

[atlg8r]

I can relate to this woman a little. My fiance and I lived about 25-30 minutes apart too. We got serious very quickly, and because he has a house with a yard and a big dog, I would stay at his place pretty much every weekend and bring my dog over.

 

I loved spending time with him, but it did get to be a lot. I felt like I rarely got my chores done around my own house because I was always at his house. Also I just missed having a lazy day to myself once in awhile where I could just stay in PJs and catch up on DVRd shows or whatever I felt like.

 

During the week, I worked full time and then couldn't do much with friends because I was trying to catch up on chores I couldn't do over the weekend.

 

Despite all that, I love this guy and we are actually getting married this month and I am moving into his house.

 

So, it may or may not be to do with her interest level in you. I might try to discuss it in a non-accusatory way at dinner or something. Just tell her you enjoy spending time with her, but that you understand she needs time to decompress from work, get her own chores or housework or errands done and be able to have a life. Ask her how she feels about things and then try to have a conversation about it.

 

She might want to keep seeing you, but just keep some of her own time intact. Or, maybe she just isn't ready for the effort of being in a relationship. Only way to find out is to ask. Good luck!

[Kernal]

thank you for your insight.

 

I think initially when I started this thread and she was only talking about the seriousness of our relationship I was taking that exact angle that she just needed some time to do her own thing. Those feelings might still very well be valid.

 

 

when we had our Saturday night though and she started talking about Type A personalities in what she wanted in her man it took me into an entirely new direction and kind of threw me for a loop

[atlg8r]

thank you for your insight.

 

I think initially when I started this thread and she was only talking about the seriousness of our relationship I was taking that exact angle that she just needed some time to do her own thing. Those feelings might still very well be valid.

 

 

when we had our Saturday night though and she started talking about Type A personalities in what she wanted in her man it took me into an entirely new direction and kind of threw me for a loop

 

Yes, after I posted I realized there were several more pages of discussion that I couldn't get through.

 

I hope it all works out for the best.

[Kernal]

well she ended up calling me after work and invited me over to her house for Chinese and then we are going out to a concert on the Brazos River.

[Kernal]

Good morning,

 

Last night I stopped by and picked up some Chinese food and went over to my girlfriend's house. We ate and talked till it was time to go to the outdoor concert where we met her sister and her husband..

 

We had a great time listening to the music.. When we got home we went to bed and were intimate.. Afterwards I felt it was time to have the talk I needed to have with her.

 

I told her that I wanted to bring up last Saturday's talk because I needed some clarifications on what she had said to me. I told her when she first started her conversation I thought it might have been a breakup speech.. She laughed and said "No No No"

 

I told her that I am not a Type A and would never be.. I said I have many characteristics of type A's but I am more mellow. I have career goals like Type A's and I work VERY hard to achieve many of them but know how to balance my home and work life.

 

She said she knew this and didn't expect me to become a Type A. She said this entire speech was just her telling me what women (her) desire in a relationship.

 

I told her I could some it up in one word.. She wants SECURITY. She said yes but not entirely.. it was more complex..

 

She told me that she feels I am a bit scatterbrained. She brought up my driving as an example. When we drive around our home town (About 130000 people) she has to give me directions or tell me which way to go.

 

I told her that she has lived her 40 years and I have lived here for two.. I do not know every shortcut.

 

BUT here is the deal. I lived very close to her house for a year before I met her when I was married. SO I should know her area..

 

Last night on the drive to the concert I was going to go straight through a red-light instead of turning left and she had to remind me or I would have went the wrong way..

 

I lived there a year and I should have known to make a left at that light.

 

Then last week I was coming up to my house and got off the freeway.. My road is first on the right and I drove right past the road.. She was like WTF??

 

She told me if I am so scatterbrained how could she have the confidence I could make decisions and lead in our relationship.. She said she should be able to relax when I'm driving and not worry about making sure we get to our destination.

 

I didn't say this to her but she is correct. I agree. If my GF was like that it would be annoying too. I don't know.. Maybe I have too much on my mind when she is with me or I am distracted.. She isn't the only person who is in my life that has noticed this about me the past couple of years.

 

She asked why I was always asking her advice on directions in the car. She thought it was maybe to include her into the driving experience or make smalltalk which to her is unnecessary.. I told her I had noticed that she always suggests the directions to take and I acknowledged she has lived here 40 years and might know a better route. She told me to just drive and stop worrying about it. I know why I do this.. It's my lack of confidence knowing she is frustrated with my sense of direction.

 

I told her I was satisfied where our relationship was at this point although I would like to see her a bit more even if was to come over and watch a little TV together and then go home..

 

She said right now this relationship is as serious as she feels comfortable with.. I told her that this is about the time I thought she would be evaluating our relationship as a long term or short term.. She agreed. I asked her what she thought about ours and she said she wouldn't give any guarantees. I agreed and said that dating is like a test drive.. there are never any guarantees. She laughed.

 

She said its a misconception women want an ********* for a boyfriend. She said that sometimes a man needs to be that way to make a point. If he's right than his woman will respect that by putting her in her place.

 

Another IMPORTANT pouint the brought up is although we have been dating for 6 months my divorce was just final last Tuesday.. She said Tuesday was like day one for her. She said we still need to continue to get to know one another.

 

I told her that the first month of our relationship was very tumultuous. Although my ex had moved out 3 months prior she was coming over trying to get me back. I had to push her away until she gave up.

 

I am going to see a Dr. next week about adult ADD. I looked up the symptoms and I seem to have many of the symptoms that are her concerns in our relationship. Not for HER but for ME.

 

Thoughts?

 

Also, Should I tell her I am going to the DR about the ADD or keep it to myself?

Edited April 12, 2014 by Kernal

[Gaeta]

She told me that she feels I am a bit scatterbrained. She brought up my driving as an example. When we drive around our home town (About 130000 people) she has to give me directions or tell me which way to go.

 

BUT here is the deal. I lived very close to her house for a year before I met her when I was married. SO I should know her area..

 

Last night on the drive to the concert I was going to go straight through a red-light instead of turning left and she had to remind me or I would have went the wrong way..

 

I lived there a year and I should have known to make a left at that light.

 

Then last week I was coming up to my house and got off the freeway.. My road is first on the right and I drove right past the road.. She was like WTF??

 

She told me if I am so scatterbrained how could she have the confidence I could make decisions and lead in our relationship.. She said she should be able to relax when I'm driving and not worry about making sure we get to our destination.

 

I didn't say this to her but she is correct. I agree. If my GF was like that it would be annoying too. I don't know.. Maybe I have too much on my mind when she is with me or I am distracted.. She isn't the only person who is in my life that has noticed this about me the past couple of years.

 

This is RIDICULOUS !!!!! So what you have a scattered brain??? This is a reason why she would not consider a serious relationship with you?? She is nitpicking!!

 

I have a scattered brain, I don't know how many times I wanted to go to the bank and took the highway to work instead!! That's what happens when you have a lot on your mind and you're the kind of person that tends to have their mind in a bubble. That also allows me to work in noises and not be disturbed by chaos around me!

 

I told her I was satisfied where our relationship was at this point although I would like to see her a bit more even if was to come over and watch a little TV together and then go home..

 

She said right now this relationship is as serious as she feels comfortable with.. I told her that this is about the time I thought she would be evaluating our relationship as a long term or short term.. She agreed. I asked her what she thought about ours and she said she wouldn't give any guarantees. I agreed and said that dating is like a test drive.. there are never any guarantees. She laughed.

Yeah right, she laughs, she just told you after 6 months dating ---don't count on her too much.

 

Another IMPORTANT pouint the brought up is although we have been dating for 6 months my divorce was just final last Tuesday.. She said Tuesday was like day one for her. She said we still need to continue to get to know one another..

BS, so everything you've invested in the past 6 months doesn't count? how can she discard just like that what you have build together in the pas 6 months?? How convenient for her to bring the clock back at 0, this way you can't annoy her for another 6 months where this relationship is heading.

 

I am going to see a Dr. next week about adult ADD. I looked up the symptoms and I seem to have many of the symptoms that are her concerns in our relationship. Not for HER but for ME..

This is ****ing mind blowing hitting my head on the wall ridiculous !!!!! Now she has you believe you have a disorder !!

 

Should I tell her I am going to the DR about the ADD or keep it to myself?

I have never came across a man so willing to do anything to keep a woman's attention, even willing to be diagnosed with a disorder and take meds.

 

Kernal, as we grow older we ALL have a mild form of ADD, our brain isn't as quick and perceptive as it used to be. Throw in a bunch of responsibilities and stress and yes you may put the dish liquid in the fridge. SO WHAT? if THAT is what keeps her from investing in you then .....

 

Anyway, I rest my case.

 

Let me add: she said she feels you are A BIT scattered brain.....A BIT, that BIT is enough to turn her off !!!??

Edited April 12, 2014 by Gaeta

[Kernal]

Thank you for your insight as always Gaeta,

 

It's hard to put in word the tone of our conversation on this board..

 

She was NOT coming across as condescending. She essentially want's a man that can get things done and take care of things so she's not the only one responsible..

 

Her point simply was that because I continuously need reminding about how to get from point a to point b when i have lived here for 2 years instills doubt in her that I could be a decisive confident man she wants.

 

I have been noticing this problem before in all aspects of my life. Work and home.

 

If I am by myself I can drive and remain focused.. Get someone in the car and I cant focus on more than one thing at once.

 

SHe said these issues were not major.. She said her ex had anger issues.. She said that was MUCH worse.

[Gaeta]

So what is the answer of where you stand in her life?

[GemmaUK]

I think you are hugely over thinking all of this.

 

She doesn't want to break up with you.

It's as serious as she is comfortable with.

If you are not comfortable at this point and with how things are then you two are not compatible.

 

In your posts on here you have said you are happy with the relationship being fairly casual and then in the next post you say you are not (or words to that effect).

 

It 'feels' like you are floundering and possibly (?) panicking when there is no huge problem to panic over.

I wonder whether perhaps this is how you come over with the driving - which - really is no biggie.

 

Is the worrying and over thinking something that has happened in your previous relationships? Apologies OP but it's how your posts are coming across to me with going over tiny little things.

 

I don't think you need to see a doctor but you might benefit from some relaxation techniques perhaps?

[Kernal]

She never suggested I had any type of disorder. This is just one more reason I need to get this looked at because it is affecting all aspects of my life. I have a hard time focusing at work and focusing on conversations. I frequently forget meeting people and conversations that we've had I am a bit forgetful. This is now Including my relationships.

 

thing is is I drove that way to work for over a year. I should know the way to go

 

the thing is is if I do this for me I don't know if I should tell her because I wouldn't want it to come across like I'm trying to be that desperate

Edited April 12, 2014 by Kernal

[Gaeta]

I know she never suggested it, you are the one coming up with theories in the hope to excuse or explain yourself to her.

 

And I have been working in the same place for 10 years and sometimes I miss the exit. I misplace documents in my own office and when I call a colleague to help me find them they are right under my nose. I look for my glasses while they are on my my head, I look for a pen when it's in my hand, I start pushing my phone buttons thinking it's the calculator. It's stupid inattention stuff we all do.

[Kernal]

Well thats because I am an intelligent man who spent 24 years in the US Military. I made it up to almost the top rank (E-8) You don't make it that high without having your sh*t together.

 

There's got to be a reason why I have problems paying attention to people and recalling what they told me.. It's about focus. I just cant focus and because of that I dont pay attention and if I dont pay attention Im not going to recall what you told me.

 

Anyways. The jest is she didn't seem like her telling me this is a game changer or a HUGE deal. Like she said.. The anger issues in her ex was way bigger than this.

 

GemmaUK,

 

Yes I might be overthinking all of this...

 

I do remember telling her last night that I'm fine where we are but I AM investing in her and I would like to see our relationship pan out more in the future. Thats when she said she could give me no guarantees.. Thats reasonable in my eyes.. Thats what dating is about..

[Koans]

Did she come out of a relationship within 6 months prior to knowing her. After post break up theirs always something about that 6 month mark with the next person boy.

[Kernal]

Yes..

 

She had come out of dating the man from Houston six months prior to meeting me.

 

 

 

Did she come out of a relationship within 6 months prior to knowing her. After post break up theirs always something about that 6 month mark with the next person boy.

[Gaeta]

There's got to be a reason why I have problems paying attention to people and recalling what they told me.. It's about focus. I just cant focus and because of that I dont pay attention and if I dont pay attention Im not going to recall what you told me.

When you go to your doctor, the first thing he will ask you will be what is going on in your life. When you tell him you divorced 6 months ago he is not going to diagnose you with ADD under these recent conditions. He will first look at your anxiety. The symptoms you have can also be related to anxiety. If you divorced 6 months ago then the pas 2 years were not so dandy weren't they? so it's consistent with when you started feeling your head was not all there. When I last separated I was the same for months, I could not concentrate, could not even watch a movie or read a book I would lose interest half way in, I would stand in front of my pc at work unable to concentrate, etc.

[Kernal]

Yes.. Agreed. I know that only the doctor can diagnose these issues. this is effecting me at work also. My supervisor has noted this recently.

 

I dont think my GF is making a HUGE deal of this but again she has her ideas of what type of man she wants to be with.. Decisive, reliable, resourceful..

 

I am that man. I havent always been this way.. I mean when I am driving by myself I am fine.. Why is it only when others are in the car do I have these issues? FOCUS is what I am having issues with.

 

 

 

 

 

When you go to your doctor, the first thing he will ask you will be what is going on in your life. When you tell him you divorced 6 months ago he is not going to diagnose you with ADD under these recent conditions. He will first look at your anxiety. The symptoms you have can also be related to anxiety. If you divorced 6 months ago then the pas 2 years were not so dandy weren't they? so it's consistent with when you started feeling your head was not all there. When I last separated I was the same for months, I could not concentrate, could not even watch a movie or read a book I would lose interest half way in, I would stand in front of my pc at work unable to concentrate, etc.

[Gaeta]

Why is it only when others are in the car do I have these issues? FOCUS is what I am having issues with.

I think your girlfriend spends too much time pointing to you what she identifies as flaws and not enough pointing to you your strength. Like I said once, you walk on eggshell around her constantly wondering if doing this or saying that is A type enough for her, and that has you losing focus around her.

 

What it is she likes about you anyway?

[Kernal]

She likes my generosity and kindness.. I treat her very good. She likes that.

[Kernal]

Im going to talk to the doctor on monday about this..

 

Just debating whether or not i should tell my gf i'm going..

[Gaeta]

Im going to talk to the doctor on monday about this..

 

Just debating whether or not i should tell my gf i'm going..

I don't think it makes a difference whether you tell her before or after the doctor's appointment.

[Kernal]

Can you expand on something? When she said Tuesday (The day my divorce was final) was day one for her..

 

To me that's saying she wasn't going to get too involved or committed until my divorce was final.. See she knew I had married my ex wife twice. She told me in the past what was to keep me from going back for a third.

 

I really dont think she was saying she's throwing the previous six months out the window.. I just think knowing my history with my ex wife she didn't want to take the risk.

 

Now that im officially divorced I took that as her ready to move forward.

[GemmaUK]

I think if you tell her about the doc and why you are going she will be 'wtf?'

 

I'm V similar to your lady as i have said before.

 

I am bowing out of this thread...because I can't handle it any longer.

 

Good luck OP! I hope it works out!