hardliner Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 (edited) We met through our work. She's been at the store for around 6 months. I've been there 2 years. I am NOT a manager. I understand the consequences of a manager dating a regular associate and if I was in that position, I have no interest in jeopardizing both of our jobs. 2 Saturdays ago, she invited me and one other guy that works in the same department over to the house to hangout and drink. All 3 of us enjoy working together so I can understand why she did that. I was nervous about this because that was out of my comfort zone but I felt I needed to do this if I was going to have any chance of asking her out at a later time. Also, she lives with her uncle and cousin so that actually helped me be less nervous. It ended up being a very enjoyable evening. I asked her out on Wednesday (26th) for Thursday night since I would be off Friday. Couldn't do it because her mom would have to watch the kids and she works Monday-Friday. No big deal. I am more than happy to work around her mom's work schedule so she can get some sleep. So we tried again Saturday night. Date didn't happen until 9pm but I was happy just to have it happen. She had errands to run for her kids and etc. I'm a patient guy. I know I'm not her top priority in life. It will always be her kids. I'm an uncle to 3 girls and as they grew up, all of them had health issues so I was always patient with all three of them. It meant alot to me to be involved in their lives whether it was using my day off and going with my mother to have lunch with them at school, picking them up from school and taking them to Sonic for an after school snack, playing with them inside or outside, basically whatever to spend time with them. I knew when they got older, I wasn't going to see them as much. Physically, I don't but my sister-in-law is awesome about posting photos of them on Facebook. Back to the date, we had a late dinner at Chili's. We both love the chips and salsa. She told me the story she always craved them when she was pregnant with her last child, her son. We ate, we talked, laughed, and enjoyed each others company. We ended up talking for almost 3.5 hours. I walked her to her car, talked a little more, gave her a hug, rubbed her back, but I gave her a small kiss. Nothing big. The next day, I sent her a text letting her know I enjoyed our time together last night and that I thought next time we could do better when kissing. Well, she responded saying that the kiss caught her off-guard. I felt bad. That was never my intention. I was caught up in the moment with how much time we were together, the deeply personal conversations we had, and didn't want her to feel like I didn't care about her as someone I thought of as just a friend after all the talking we did. I did see her later in the day and I had not seen her text yet. I don't carry my personal cell phone on me because of the department I work in. She was working in outside garden and walked up and offered her a bottle of water. She took it. I know what it is like working out there, 70-80 degree weather, standing for 3-4 hours, and wearing pants. After I gave it to her, she had customers to take care of so I said I'd talk to her later. Towards the end of my shift, I decided that I would take a 15 minute break since we are allowed to take those, I came to see her, hung out for about 15-20 minutes, talked to another co-worker during that time because she was busy, I did not want to distract her from her job. Another cashier came out to replace her so she could go the lunch, I said have a great lunch and walked away. We talk either at work or via text. Since my text yesterday around 5pm, I haven't heard back from her. I'm patient since her priority was to focus on finishing her shift, go home, and take care of herself and her family. I'm closing tonight and I think she is. The question is.. should I bring this subject up one more time for clarification from her side or just drop it and move on? I feel like this subject is a double edged sword. No matter what, I feel like I destroyed my ability to ask her out again but I could be completely wrong. I've been out of dating for 10 years, meeting and talking to various women over that time trying to find someone I can relate about life experiences and etc. and after talking for 2 months, I feel I have found someone. I'm not interested in replacing her children's father. I'm not going to rush her into meeting her kids.. well, I've met her youngest son who is 9 months old but I don't expect I made a lasting impression that night. He was more interested in the cereal bar he was chewing on all night. I know it is going to take time for this to work. I'm 38. I've got all the time in the world. I'm going to stop here because I could typing for hours on everything. I appreciate any opinions, advice, etc. Edited March 31, 2014 by hardliner
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 You want to gauge her interest? Ask her out again tonight during your shift.
TaraMaiden Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 No matter what your respective roles/positions within a company, it's a bad idea to date a colleague, period. No matter what. The ramifications of doing so, particularly if it ends - and particularly if it ends acrimoniously - are too awful to contemplate. Be friends. Don't date.
devilish innocent Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 I'm not sure what she meant by the kiss catching her off-guard. It could mean she didn't want to let you kiss her, or she could be explaining why she didn't kiss better. You sound like you're not certain where things stand yourself. Asking her is the only way to find out.
TXGuy Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 ... The next day, I sent her a text letting her know ... I thought next time we could do better when kissing. Well, she responded saying that the kiss caught her off-guard. Yikes! It's too late to do anything about it now, but that part of the text was probably ill advised. I can think of three ways it can be taken, none of them very good: 1). "I think you were a bad kisser. Try to do better next time." I'm not a fan of 'negging', if that was what you were going for. Most women don't like it and it is tough to pull off. 2). " I think I was a bad kisser." Projects low confidence. All women dislike that. Even if it was bad, highlighting it makes it worse. 3). I'll skip the third as it is distracting from the first two. I think your best move is to quickly have a pleasant conversation with her without discussing the kissing. The point of which would be to neutralize the awkwardness of the comment. Ask her out or not (I'd lean toward yes), but have a light, pleasant conversation sooner rather than later.
Author hardliner Posted April 1, 2014 Author Posted April 1, 2014 First, I got emails stating that Hello_is_it_me and TaraMaiden had responded but not everyone else. Oh well.. Second, I went with my gut not knowing everyone else's advice and just changed the subject and started discussing other things. She didn't not work last night but she did stop by to buy some things and I noticed her leaving. I waited until around 5:30 to send her a text asking her how her day was and noticed her leaving with her daughters and thought it was cute that they followed behind her like ducklings. She said that she didn't know I was working last night and agreed with my comment and eventually her son will be doing the same. Her son is 9 months old. The fact that she responded back was a positive. She could have easily just not. I would not be upset if she had not responded. I can understand her point of view with how things went down and the next time I would have seen her, I would have just hammered out the issues and let her decide where things would have gone from there. We've only gone out once. I'm going to take this one day at a time. As we closer to the weekend, I'll ask again about going out and see what happens. If we do, great! If we don't, we'll talk about it.
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