Kingston100 Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 I have noticed for years that it seems common for people to end long term/non-marriage relationships (like... 5-10 year, living together relationships) and then move on very quickly and end up engaged to someone else within a year. I always thought this was very odd, except now it seems like it is happening to me. I feel like this phenomenon could be for one of two reasons. 1) Rebounding, jumping into something too fast and rushing to the alter as sort of a cure for the break up 2) A result of knowing what you want. Someone who ends a 8+ year relationship is usually older, done school and has a career, ready to settle down and knows what red flags to look for in a relationship. I was just curious what people think of this. When I was in my nine year relationship and saw people getting engaged after only knowing each other a short time I used to think to myself "how could they possibily know it is right? I've been with this guy nine years and I STILL don't know!". Now I wonder if it was me that was crazy, and you really can know that quickly. I was just in the wrong relationship.
Poppygoodwill Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 I do believe that the older you get - with more experience under your belt and much more confident in your own needs and opinions - it gets much easier to make fast decisions. I married for the first time at 45. I have lived with four men over time, long relationships. But not once did I think about marrying any of them. I just didn't want to. But when I met S, I knew within a few months that I wanted to make it much more serious with him. A year later we tied the knot and I have never once doubted the decision. I have also observed the quick marriage following long term live-in. All I can conclude is that it never moved to marriage before because one or the other person wasn't ready, or it wasn't right. Also, even if the person declared they never wanted to marry, well obviously something changed for them over time and there was something about the existing live-in relationship that didn't allow for that to come out. So they broke away in order to get what they really had come to want. It's painful if you're the one left behind, but I think better to break up than ive with a person who really wants something else, but not with you. YO'll be stuck in a kind of half-light with them always, getting unhappier and unhappier.
HappyLove Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 I've noticed this also. I'm thinking it could be a combination of things. For men I think once they have everything in order house, car, good job they are quick to move on and be more ready to settle down. I also think after losing a woman who probably did so much for them they are more ready to settle with the next woman so they aren't left alone again. Maybe the new woman isn't as annoying as the last? As far as women go I think if the guy never asked then they just never got married then the new guy comes along and is interested in marriage he asks and they jump on it. I think if you're interested in marriage long term relationships are crazy. Do you really need to date someone 9 YEARS before you marry them?! That's insane.
Author Kingston100 Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 I think if you're interested in marriage long term relationships are crazy. Do you really need to date someone 9 YEARS before you marry them?! That's insane. I agree. My nine year relationship was mainly because we were teenagers when we started dating... eventually we got to a point where I was ready and he wasn't. I kept waiting for him to be ready and it just wasn't happening. Eventually I realized I wasn't happy anymore and I ended it. Now I've been with my new guy for 4 months and it already feels right. I know I want to wait at least a year to get engaged, but we are both in a place where we are ready to get married and we both want the same things. I definitely wouldn't stick through another long-long-long term relationship when I already know what I want.
Mrin Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 There are a ton of factors here and some have already covered it. I'll just give mine. I was married for 11 years. Before that I was in a 4 year relationship. Currently, I truly love dating and dating lots of women. Probably too many. But hey I am an ENFP. Here's the thing - I feel like I am perpetually eating at tapas/small plate restaurants. Yummy and delicious for sure but not truly filling. When you've been married or in a really long term committed relationship you recall how fulfilling it is. And so I want that again. Gong to keep the metaphor thing alive - so when you find that fabulously delicious small plate, you want a metric crap ton of it. You want to have the deep committed relationship and probably even more because a) committed relationships aren't scary - been there done that and b) you had it and lost it and want it again. Just make sure the plate you fall for is something truly fulfilling and not going to give you indigestion once you've committed to consuming it in bulk. Hope this helps. 2
soccerrprp Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 I have noticed for years that it seems common for people to end long term/non-marriage relationships (like... 5-10 year, living together relationships) and then move on very quickly and end up engaged to someone else within a year. I always thought this was very odd, except now it seems like it is happening to me. I feel like this phenomenon could be for one of two reasons. 1) Rebounding, jumping into something too fast and rushing to the alter as sort of a cure for the break up 2) A result of knowing what you want. Someone who ends a 8+ year relationship is usually older, done school and has a career, ready to settle down and knows what red flags to look for in a relationship. I was just curious what people think of this. When I was in my nine year relationship and saw people getting engaged after only knowing each other a short time I used to think to myself "how could they possibily know it is right? I've been with this guy nine years and I STILL don't know!". Now I wonder if it was me that was crazy, and you really can know that quickly. I was just in the wrong relationship. Kingston100, I think you hit on it pretty well. There are a ton of factors here and some have already covered it. I'll just give mine. I was married for 11 years. Before that I was in a 4 year relationship. Currently, I truly love dating and dating lots of women. Probably too many. But hey I am an ENFP. Here's the thing - I feel like I am perpetually eating at tapas/small plate restaurants. Yummy and delicious for sure but not truly filling. When you've been married or in a really long term committed relationship you recall how fulfilling it is. And so I want that again. Gong to keep the metaphor thing alive - so when you find that fabulously delicious small plate, you want a metric crap ton of it. You want to have the deep committed relationship and probably even more because a) committed relationships aren't scary - been there done that and b) you had it and lost it and want it again. Just make sure the plate you fall for is something truly fulfilling and not going to give you indigestion once you've committed to consuming it in bulk. Hope this helps. I like your metaphors! I'm about to invest, commit to a very nice plate of something extremely delicious and see myself going back for more and MORE for a long time!
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