hmmm

[Webb]

Well I'm new here an needed to say my experience of ldr. It's been almost a yr that were together an we talk everyday an about everything. We talk for hrs an I really love him more then I've loved anyone. He lives in USA an im in the UK... He's 48 an im 23. He says that the age gap is too bad but I can't help loving him. He's perfect in every way an I don't wanna lose him. I kno his children an they kno we talk but I don't kno how much they kno. I want to move to USA but have no idea how too. I'm going to save money but still not sure bout visa etc. I wake up always thinking of him an late at night too. We do have odd lil arguments but they won't b like that when we together. I can't stop loving him an im scared that he might find Someone his age who lives there coz he's the one for me. He loves me too but I can't b with him yet :'( sorry for the long post but just confused with moving there?

[d0nnivain]

Your post wasn't long at all.

 

 

I think you have some stars in your eyes & I have no idea whether your relationship will stand the test of time. It reminds me of an old joke: Why do 20 something's date middle aged rock stars? Because they are famous. Why do middle aged rock stars date 20 something's? Because they can.

 

 

If you want to emigrate to the US, I'd start with the INS website & learn the requirements for getting a green card. At the very least I would come to the US for a vacation before you even think about uprooting your whole life.

 

 

If you do move, do not go straight from LDR to living together. That never works.

 

 

Make sure you want to move to another country thousands of miles & a big ocean away from your family for your own reasons & not just for him. I suspect as soon as you become more "real" & the possibility for you to stop being a long distance internet fantasy comes closer he will become more distant

[justwhoiam]

It's been almost a yr that were together

A year that you talk to this man. Sorry for being nit-picky, but I guess you've never met this man. Start counting your blessings AFTER you met him.

 

He's 48 an im 23. He says that the age gap is too bad

Ok, before you build castles in the air, don't underestimate what he's telling you. Because of your age, he might have ruled you out for anything serious. So that means that - altough he might be up for some flirt/affair with you, you shouldn't hope about anything more than that. Unless he clearly showed/proved his real intentions to you about:

a) coming and seeing you

b) wanting to be your official exclusive boyfriend

c) testing the relationship for a while (that means weeks/months in a row of being physically together in some place, pleasure vacations excluded)

 

I kno his children

How old are they?

 

they kno we talk but I don't kno how much they kno.

How do you know? Is that what he's telling you? Has he made it official that you're his girlfriend? Like on FB? Does his family know? Relatives? Friends? Or you just know what he's telling you?

 

We've seen tons of "perfect relationships" here... that went to the dogs and broke people's hearts.

 

I want to move to USA but have no idea how too.

Ok. First: have you ever met this man? If not, please do so. Ask him to come and see you. Or maybe that's not viable because of his children? There, you'd have your first obstacle. That'd mean - have it carved in your head - that his children will always come first (unless they're adults already, and at times even if they are). Would you be able to accept that?

 

Anyway, I guess that to go there on holiday, you just need a valid passport and an ESTA, that's an application form you can fill in online, and valid for 2 years.

 

Are you working or still studying?

 

Wait before thinking of moving anywhere. He might not be interested and just "walk away".

Some just like the odd online romance, and they don't want to transfer it to real life.

 

Does he have a job? Does he have custody of the children if they're minors?

 

I think at 23 you know very little about life. Not your fault. But that can potentially expose you to any sort of heartbreak. Especially if you never had a serious long-term relationship IRL and you're putting all your hopes into this relationship.

Edited March 31, 2014 by justwhoiam

[HeavenOrHell]

Have you actually met him?

If not, please don't even think about moving across the world for someone you've not met.

That is a very big age gap, I would be wary.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I concur with everyone who has posted so far.

 

Baby steps my dear...baby steps. Good luck!

[Webb]

I've never met him but if he wakes at stupid o clock an talks to me from early in the morn to my time when I go to bed there's something there. I cant tell my parents that I'm dating him coz my dad would freak an he's violent. I am basically a slave coz I do all the housework an all the cooking as well as looking after my disabled mom an disabled bro an I can't take it anymore. Both me an the bf never meant to Fall in love an he keeps saying to find another man my age who lives here. An he'd be the saddest but the happiest man. He didn't look to be anything like that an he's the kindest man I've ever known. I'm the one who told him how I felt an plus he still wasn't wanting to do anything. I kno bout life, yes I may be only 23 an I've had heartbreaks b4 but I don't care bout the age gap an I wasn't meaning go USA now as I have no money yet anyway. Plus wasn't gonna move in with him straight away basically just date for abit first irl then I can see how it goes. I'm a mature 23 an always have been mature for my age.

[TAV]

You lead a difficult life and you want to escape. You found this man who makes you feel less alone and your future suddenly seems full of possibilities. You just want to leave it all behind, take a leap and see what the future holds. But... You don't have any money to go and meet him, to find out if he's as wonderful as you think he is. He has the resources but is not attached to you enough to book a trip to the UK, moreover, he does not want to acknowledge that this is more than friendship.

 

He says he wants you to find someone your own age over there. At the same time he does not cut you lose to give you the opportunity to find that person you are supposed to be with. That is selfish of him. I guess he justifies it to himself that he cannot break your heart and be that cruel. Keeping you hanging on without being serious about you is more cruel in my opinion.

 

I know how much you NEED this relationship; it's keeping you sane. Try to use the strength you get from this contact to gradually break free from your current situation. It's very noble what you are doing, my guess is you do it mostly out of a sense of obligation, however, you have a right to live your own life, start your own family. Look into help from outside for your mum and bro, check what benefits they are entitled to. Try to talk to your father how much of a strain your life as a caretaker is on you. Try to find a solution together to ensure you have more freedom in your life.

 

Once you start doing this, your 'escape' will start looking less perfect. You will feel more confident to question his commitment to you, to ask him those all important questions to find out why he is talking to you, if he is into you in a way that surpasses his ego being flattered. Only then your relationship is more equal and you can truly decide if he is worth all you are investing in him.

 

You may think now you do not have the strength to face up to all this but you are looking after 2 people with disabilities and I bet you take care of your dad too; you are a tower of strength. Try to use that strength to help yourself instead of others.

[ThisGal]

I'm older than you, 29 and even I wouldn't date a 48 year old man!

 

Not that he's old because he's not but he is too old FOR YOU.

 

I would advise you to end this 'relationship' now. It's not going to go anywhere.

 

You said this is not what he was seeking...however, how did you two meet?? I know on the Internet but exactly how...

 

If he knew how old you were from the beginning of the chat then yes, it is what he was seeking because he should have ended contact with you right then and there! Not pretend to play the innocent guy role right now almost a year later.

 

This man prob has children your age. He can be your father. He's playing with your naïve mind. You may think you're mature and know everything there is to know about life at your age but you don't. I used to think I knew everything also but every year I get wiser.

 

I know you mentioned how unhappy you are at home being a 'slave' to some family members but trying to escape reality and run into the arms of a stranger is dangerous. You have never met him in person so really there is no relationship. He is not your savior.

 

Do think clear and end the relationship now. Take his advice. You're only hurting yourself. A future with this man is unrealistic and a facade. Move on with your life without him. Take care!

Edited April 4, 2014 by ThisGal

[FitChick]

He hasn't attempted to visit you in a year. Why? He thinks of you as a daughter with the ego trip of having a woman young enough to be his daughter declaring her love. You can find a middle aged man in the UK.

 

You can escape from your situation by finding a guy your own age, falling in love and getting married. Social services will take care of your brother and mother.

 

You can't move to the US (for a number of reasons).

[Webb]

Please can everyone stop saying he's too old. I.don't care bout the age difference an all of you basically saying he's too old can stop it now. I love him, I love every single thing bout him. We both haven't really got the money to travel an that's the only reason I was doing this post to see how to go to the USA. Thanks for all the comments but stop with the age concerns etc coz we both love each other an plus there's nothing wrong with dating older or younger people. Loads of people do it an we ain't harming anyone so what's the big deal an saying to end it. If it doesn't work it's my mistake, if it does work then that's great for me. But I do love him an still dating him.

[TAV]

Please can everyone stop saying he's too old. I.don't care bout the age difference an all of you basically saying he's too old can stop it now. I love him, I love every single thing bout him. We both haven't really got the money to travel an that's the only reason I was doing this post to see how to go to the USA. Thanks for all the comments but stop with the age concerns etc coz we both love each other an plus there's nothing wrong with dating older or younger people. Loads of people do it an we ain't harming anyone so what's the big deal an saying to end it. If it doesn't work it's my mistake, if it does work then that's great for me. But I do love him an still dating him.

 

I never mentioned his age once and from your posts I never got that you were only looking for advice on how to travel to the US cheaply. But if you want to omit everything that was being said here by others and me, that's ok. Not sure why you posted on LS to begin with. It's not a travel site after all.

 

And how to get to the USA? Fairly simple, you work hard and make some extra money, cleaning toilets if you have to. I just hope you are welcome over at his place and that your visit won't be one big anticlimax for you.

[TMichaels]

Please can everyone stop saying he's too old. I.don't care bout the age difference an all of you basically saying he's too old can stop it now. I love him, I love every single thing bout him.

 

You love him because you have a crap relationship with your father and this guy is a father-figure replacement for you. Your lover-boy/father-figure no doubt realizes this and it's one of the reasons why he's telling you to find someone your age locally to have a relationship with.

 

If he wasn't so needy he'd end things as he knows your relationship is inappropriate and both of you are in over your heads.

 

We both haven't really got the money to travel an that's the only reason I was doing this post to see how to go to the USA.

 

Why doesn't he have the money to travel? Do you know that for a fact or is that what he has told you?

 

If *he* thinks there's nothing wrong with your relationship why isn't *he* looking into what it would take for you to move to the U.S.? Why are you doing all the work?

 

My guess is the reason is he is married, incarcerated, or has a girlfriend back home. Of course, you wouldn't know the difference since all you know about him and his life is what he chooses to share.

 

He knows you don't have the money to travel and as long as he claims he doesn't either things can progress no further between you (as in meeting in person). You are and remain an idle virtual amusement that assuages his ego which will continue indefinitely until something better comes along.

 

Thanks for all the comments but stop with the age concerns etc coz we both love each other an plus there's nothing wrong with dating older or younger people. Loads of people do it an we ain't harming anyone so what's the big deal an saying to end it. If it doesn't work it's my mistake, if it does work then that's great for me. But I do love him an still dating him.

 

No, you *are not* dating him. You have an Internet pen-pal. The two of you both are in situations (whatever they may be) that you'd like to escape from and this relationship is fantasy-land where everything is lovely and the hassles/facts of real life don't matter or intervene.

 

Problem is, real life isn't like that. He knows that. You think you do because "you're mature for your age," but you don't. That's part of the reason why people are telling you the age difference *does* matter.

 

If you don't want to listen, then suit yourself, but I doubt too many people are going to continue to waste their time trying to give you advice since the only kind you want is from people who agree with you and see things your way.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[Webb]

Ok honest truth is this is all crap. My room mate keeps hacking my account and posting. I told him to stop but he is doing this for fun. I'm not even dating! I told love shack to get rid of this account but they haven't. Stop posting on this thread and giving help because this is all fake