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Ex Won't Let Me Go

Voldemortt

By Voldemortt
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Voldemortt New Member

Voldemortt

Posted
Posted (edited)

Greetings fellow Loveshack members. I am here to present to you, a very stressful, sticky situation. I find myself constantly taking deep breaths and going for runs every day to relax myself.

 

To start, I am a 24 year old female in college. I'm in my last year. I look younger than my years but i have a mind that is 10 years beyond my real age and a body of a woman. I guess I can say I am very attractive. I can be a bit of nerd too and I can be very girly while liking guy things too ( I like Batman, and I'm not ashamed! Lol :p) My ex is 26 and is also in his last year, particularly because he was never the one to be able to commit to school. We dated for 1.5 years and let me tell you, he's got a **** load of problems. He's not a healthy, sane guy and I realized this too late because he kept it hidden quite well. Otherwise, no one can hide anything from me. I see through people very easily and I'm not one of those dumb girls that stay because they're in love. I have respect for myself and will walk away if I have to. I stayed for so long only because I felt trapped and he did evrything he could to keep me tied to him. Also, because we go to the same school and I found it hard to break it off. In a nut shell, he's not good for me and never will be.

 

Some facts about him:

 

 

  • manipulative
  • obsessed
  • uses me for money
  • likes to act pitiful
  • has no real identity. Tries to be a different person all the time
  • very emotionally unstable
  • not that good looking, looks very old for his age. But that's ok, I am not that shallow but i do want a good looking guy.
  • probably not capable of healthy, mature love
  • follows me around
  • extremely controlling. Loves power and feels pain if I am not in his control.
  • doesn't know how to show love. I'm a very affectionate and loving person and want someone similar to me in this regard. I don't care, I have needs and deserve to be happy.
  • emotionally abuses me. He withdraws or acts cold when I don't have sex with him. I only like to do it twice a week. I'm really crazy in bed though and like to do anything. I like threesomes, se*x toys and rough se*x but i just don't like it every day. His ego ruled our relationship.
  • called me very bad words few times and never apologized. Hates apologizing.
  • joked about killing me once
  • passive-aggressive
  • treats me horribly and whenever i try to leave, manipulates me into staying.
  • very violent
  • smokes in my face. If we shared a house and had kids, he wouldn't smoke outside. I just know it. He has no regard for anyone.
  • selfish

There is more to this, but I'd rather not include it. (It would take up 3 Microsoft Word pages). Anyway, ever since I broke it off with him 4 months ago, he has trouble accepting it. I sometimes feel bad for him but I don't know what to do. To make matters worse, we go to the same college. We don't have any classes together though. I'm in Medical office administration and he's in Business Office Administration. We initially had a mandatory English class together but I switched to a different one because he wouldn't stop gawking at me every day.

 

 

 

To make matters even worse, I see his friends all the time. I wasn't the type to hit on his friends or flirt with them, as I find that quite disgusting and awkward. I respected one of his friends quite well. I never hugged him though but whenever I saw him, I'd talk and tell him to have a good day. We sometimes hung out together, all 3 of us at the park during lunch. This friend, let's call him Andre, would sometimes talk to me about how my ex wanted me back and would do anything for me. I would simply brush it off and tell Andre that I wasn't looking to keep a friendship with him either now that I broke up with my ex. I told him to stop telling his friend to convince me too.

 

 

 

For 4 months, my ex wouldn't stop trying. He sent letters to me, roses, concert tickets to what used to be our favourite concerts. It's funny because why didn't do that during the relationship? For the first time ever, he began to utter words of an affectionate nature, something he was never capable before. He never met my parents because I was always unsure if he was the guy I wanted to be with forever. If I ever bring home a guy, he is very lucky because this would someone I would marry. Anyway, since he never got a chance to meet my parents, sometimes my dad would pick me up or my mom from school since they were in the area and I couldn't afford a car yet, and he would hang around the drop off/pick up area just to see who my parents were. He's very creepy and annoying.

 

 

I did however, meet his parents. His mom didn't like me much because I was very good looking and she only liked a girl if she was the one to pick the girl for him. She envied me a lot but pretended to like me only because her son loved me (or obsessed about me). She's highly controlling as well. His father, was obsessed with me and always tried to flirt with me whenever I came over. I always felt awkward around his father because of this. I only used to enjoy his baby brother who was so damn cute, i loved playing with him and he loved me too, so much, he easily fell asleep when I held him (I always wanted a baby brother actually). Now i avoid them like the plague. One time my family was at Walmart and I saw his baby brother in the toy section. His baby brother ran to tell my ex that he saw me and then my ex called me 20 times and texted me 40 times asking me if i was really at Walmart. I ignored him. The more i ignore him, the more terrible he feels because I am no longer in his control.

 

 

Come around the 3rd month, I started dating guys. I met this one particular guy (let's call him Adam), who meets my requirements and knows how to treat a girl. He is something my ex is not. He is:

 

  • extremely independent, just like me
  • extremely loyal
  • funny
  • caring
  • always there for me
  • knows how to love in a healthy way
  • career oriented
  • not obsessed with me, but truly in love with me
  • adores me
  • is nerdy like me
  • is a giver like me
  • doesn't force me to have sex. He's more relaxed and even would go down on me without having to ask me to return the favour. He's very giving in bed. He still never asked me to go down on him as of yet (I'm kind of testing him...lol but no worries, I will please him soon).

I forgot to mention my ex has a very skewed version of love. He thinks love is where someone would lower them self so much in certain situations, they look ridiculous and that would determine how much they love him. For example, he wants me to beg him to forgive him if i ever did anything wrong that was considered very minor (ex. not picking up the phone when i was busy for over 8 hours). He also liked to abuse me emotionally or mentally on purpose and expected me to look past it and forgive him, because if i didn't, I didn't love him.

 

 

 

Now ever since I met Adam, who also goes to the same college as me, my ex has been dying in fear. He has lost all control and goes psycho whenever he sees me with Adam. I don't particularly care, because I deserve happiness after being tortured by my ex for so many months. He started stalking Adam, trying to dress like him, even act like him too. Until this day, he still tries to get me back and convinces me he changed, that he would do anything for me. But i just don't want him anymore. No one changes for good. If you were rotten inside before, it's not going to be a magical experience if one day he decides to turn it around and be a good person. It's just a facade, nothing forever. Someone who has always been a good guy in his life will most likely always BE a good guy for a long time, just like Adam. Ugh...

 

 

Help me guys. What do i do? How can I get my crazy abusive ex, to leave me ALONE?

Edited by Voldemortt
stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted

You can always get a restraining order. However if you don't want to go that far simply tell him you are not coming back to him and to please leave you and your new bf alone. I think if you and your new bf ignore him and don't acknowledge him at all he will get the message sooner or later. Definitely make it clear to your ex that you have absolutely no intention of coming back to him. It takes some people along time to get over a break up. It is very important that the dumper is clear that the relationship is over so that the dumpee doesn't have hope for reconciliation. This makes it easier for the dumpee to heal and move on.

UltraTech Member

UltraTech

Posted
Posted
Greetings fellow Loveshack members. I am here to present to you, a very stressful, sticky situation. I find myself constantly taking deep breaths and going for runs every day to relax myself.

 

To start, I am a 24 year old female in college. I'm in my last year. I look younger than my years but i have a mind that is 10 years beyond my real age and a body of a woman. I guess I can say I am very attractive. I can be a bit of nerd too and I can be very girly while liking guy things too ( I like Batman, and I'm not ashamed! Lol :p) My ex is 26 and is also in his last year, particularly because he was never the one to be able to commit to school. We dated for 1.5 years and let me tell you, he's got a **** load of problems. He's not a healthy, sane guy and I realized this too late because he kept it hidden quite well. Otherwise, no one can hide anything from me. I see through people very easily and I'm not one of those dumb girls that stay because they're in love. I have respect for myself and will walk away if I have to. I stayed for so long only because I felt trapped and he did evrything he could to keep me tied to him. Also, because we go to the same school and I found it hard to break it off. In a nut shell, he's not good for me and never will be.

 

Some facts about him:

 

 

  • manipulative
  • obsessed
  • uses me for money
  • likes to act pitiful
  • has no real identity. Tries to be a different person all the time
  • very emotionally unstable
  • not that good looking, looks very old for his age. But that's ok, I am not that shallow but i do want a good looking guy.
  • probably not capable of healthy, mature love
  • follows me around
  • extremely controlling. Loves power and feels pain if I am not in his control.
  • doesn't know how to show love. I'm a very affectionate and loving person and want someone similar to me in this regard. I don't care, I have needs and deserve to be happy.
  • emotionally abuses me. He withdraws or acts cold when I don't have sex with him. I only like to do it twice a week. I'm really crazy in bed though and like to do anything. I like threesomes, se*x toys and rough se*x but i just don't like it every day. His ego ruled our relationship.
  • called me very bad words few times and never apologized. Hates apologizing.
  • joked about killing me once
  • passive-aggressive
  • treats me horribly and whenever i try to leave, manipulates me into staying.
  • very violent
  • smokes in my face. If we shared a house and had kids, he wouldn't smoke outside. I just know it. He has no regard for anyone.
  • selfish

There is more to this, but I'd rather not include it. (It would take up 3 Microsoft Word pages). Anyway, ever since I broke it off with him 4 months ago, he has trouble accepting it. I sometimes feel bad for him but I don't know what to do. To make matters worse, we go to the same college. We don't have any classes together though. I'm in Medical office administration and he's in Business Office Administration. We initially had a mandatory English class together but I switched to a different one because he wouldn't stop gawking at me every day.

 

 

 

To make matters even worse, I see his friends all the time. I wasn't the type to hit on his friends or flirt with them, as I find that quite disgusting and awkward. I respected one of his friends quite well. I never hugged him though but whenever I saw him, I'd talk and tell him to have a good day. We sometimes hung out together, all 3 of us at the park during lunch. This friend, let's call him Andre, would sometimes talk to me about how my ex wanted me back and would do anything for me. I would simply brush it off and tell Andre that I wasn't looking to keep a friendship with him either now that I broke up with my ex. I told him to stop telling his friend to convince me too.

 

 

 

For 4 months, my ex wouldn't stop trying. He sent letters to me, roses, concert tickets to what used to be our favourite concerts. It's funny because why didn't do that during the relationship? For the first time ever, he began to utter words of an affectionate nature, something he was never capable before. He never met my parents because I was always unsure if he was the guy I wanted to be with forever. If I ever bring home a guy, he is very lucky because this would someone I would marry. Anyway, since he never got a chance to meet my parents, sometimes my dad would pick me up or my mom from school since they were in the area and I couldn't afford a car yet, and he would hang around the drop off/pick up area just to see who my parents were. He's very creepy and annoying.

 

 

I did however, meet his parents. His mom didn't like me much because I was very good looking and she only liked a girl if she was the one to pick the girl for him. She envied me a lot but pretended to like me only because her son loved me (or obsessed about me). She's highly controlling as well. His father, was obsessed with me and always tried to flirt with me whenever I came over. I always felt awkward around his father because of this. I only used to enjoy his baby brother who was so damn cute, i loved playing with him and he loved me too, so much, he easily fell asleep when I held him (I always wanted a baby brother actually). Now i avoid them like the plague. One time my family was at Walmart and I saw his baby brother in the toy section. His baby brother ran to tell my ex that he saw me and then my ex called me 20 times and texted me 40 times asking me if i was really at Walmart. I ignored him. The more i ignore him, the more terrible he feels because I am no longer in his control.

 

 

Come around the 3rd month, I started dating guys. I met this one particular guy (let's call him Adam), who meets my requirements and knows how to treat a girl. He is something my ex is not. He is:

 

  • extremely independent, just like me
  • extremely loyal
  • funny
  • caring
  • always there for me
  • knows how to love in a healthy way
  • career oriented
  • not obsessed with me, but truly in love with me
  • adores me
  • is nerdy like me
  • is a giver like me
  • doesn't force me to have sex. He's more relaxed and even would go down on me without having to ask me to return the favour. He's very giving in bed. He still never asked me to go down on him as of yet (I'm kind of testing him...lol but no worries, I will please him soon).

I forgot to mention my ex has a very skewed version of love. He thinks love is where someone would lower them self so much in certain situations, they look ridiculous and that would determine how much they love him. For example, he wants me to beg him to forgive him if i ever did anything wrong that was considered very minor (ex. not picking up the phone when i was busy for over 8 hours). He also liked to abuse me emotionally or mentally on purpose and expected me to look past it and forgive him, because if i didn't, I didn't love him.

 

 

 

Now ever since I met Adam, who also goes to the same college as me, my ex has been dying in fear. He has lost all control and goes psycho whenever he sees me with Adam. I don't particularly care, because I deserve happiness after being tortured by my ex for so many months. He started stalking Adam, trying to dress like him, even act like him too. Until this day, he still tries to get me back and convinces me he changed, that he would do anything for me. But i just don't want him anymore. No one changes for good. If you were rotten inside before, it's not going to be a magical experience if one day he decides to turn it around and be a good person. It's just a facade, nothing forever. Someone who has always been a good guy in his life will most likely always BE a good guy for a long time, just like Adam. Ugh...

 

 

Help me guys. What do i do? How can I get my crazy abusive ex, to leave me ALONE?

 

call the police

 

/thread.

  • Like 2
  • Author
Voldemortt New Member

Voldemortt

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
You can always get a restraining order. However if you don't want to go that far simply tell him you are not coming back to him and to please leave you and your new bf alone. I think if you and your new bf ignore him and don't acknowledge him at all he will get the message sooner or later. Definitely make it clear to your ex that you have absolutely no intention of coming back to him. It takes some people along time to get over a break up. It is very important that the dumper is clear that the relationship is over so that the dumpee doesn't have hope for reconciliation. This makes it easier for the dumpee to heal and move on.

 

Yeah, I don't wish to go that far because even though his mom envied me ( I guess all moms feel that way about their son and all fathers get possessive over their daughters) I'm sure his parents loved me because I made my ex so happy. So I don't think i can do that and even then, we go to the same school, and I see his family around Theme Parks and Walmart so it would get messy. Also, his baby brother is too cute and we have a bond, his brother asks my ex about me from time to time ( I love his baby brother too much, I used to give him affection all the time and I even gave him a bath, he loves taking baths. My ex would trust me enough to do this because his parents weren't home most of the time and so he'd have to always look out for him). I would feel sick putting a restraining order. I will speak to him some day and if the situation doesn't improve, am I able to ask the Police to send him a WARNING only? Is that possible? At least that.

 

However, he used to track me on my phone and he stopped now. I notice the battery lasts longer. At least he is doing that, particularly because it was making me depressed. I hate to be followed.

 

Also, my ex goes as far as to accusing me of cheating on him with Adam. So somewhere in his mind, he is delusional about being together still and because he has feelings for me, feels like I cheated on him. WTF? I don't need this right now. It's done, it's over forever. I don't want a guy like my ex and never will. He is so selfish, because he feels pain and wants me back to fill a void.

 

You're right, I am very happy with Adam and would never leave him to go back to something that was so awful. I would be an IDIOT if i that. He thinks I can be easily fooled since most girls are ruled by their emotions and would definitely go back to an abusive boyfriend. But I am strong, and I am rational. I know what's good for me and what isn't.

Edited by Voldemortt
KaliLove Established Member

KaliLove

Posted
Posted

Why haven't you changed your number so he can't track you?

  • Author
Voldemortt New Member

Voldemortt

Posted
  • Author
Posted

****UPDATE

 

 

Things are going well with my new guy. I need a lot space and I don't like talking to my new lover everyday. I prefer the weekend by myself. Other than that, he gives me security, enough for my sexual passions to blossom :love:

 

My BF and I had s*x in the park, behind this bush on a blanket. We were cuddling after and my ex followed me to the PARK. He was watching us the whole time. He makes notes and asks other people about the relationship, trying to find out how far it will progress. For example, if we don't talk for day, he will get excited believing we broke up. Lol in his dreams. He is really clingy and has weird anxiety problems so it's all in his head. He has a new GF AGAIN (he has one every 3 months after the honey-moon phase ends) as he cannot be committed to a relationship. He has even anxiety about a relationship that is not even his or his business. It's too funny. I feel nothing when I hear he has a GF. I couldn't care less. But he is obsessed with me and my life. I'm hoping to change my phone number again when I get a new phonr. I think he's obsessed with my BF too, always hoping for the worst. He doesn't want me to be happy but trust me, I am.

Trovador Established Member

Trovador

Posted
Posted

Congratulations for your decision to dump the ahole, but it seems as if you need reassurance in order not to go back to him... as if in repeating and offering minute details pertaining your ill relationship you were fleeing from the fear...

 

Strange than fiction...

InnocentMan Established Member

InnocentMan

Posted
Posted

Seems like a mutual obsession to me. You've just written a thousand word essay about him on a forum. Not sure why you need some random strangers on the internet to 'trust you' about your feelings for your new man. It seems like you're trying to convince yourself.

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