confusedandhurt2002 Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 The FOW's husband left her. After months of her seeming to be unapologetic for everything, from what I've heard anyhow, I truly don't know, he left last week. I'm a bit on edge about it all. It's not my business, but yet I worry he could come after our family and cause issues or she'll think she can come back, looking for money. Who knows. I haven't told WS and don't know if I should or not.
Author confusedandhurt2002 Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 Oh my gosh! He doesn't know! Her husband doesn't know! He had an affair apparently and now she is blaming him! She's been lying to him this whole time, but I think he does really know. I can't believe she's acting like he is the problem and she did nothing wrong!!! Oh my gosh, I'm on Redneck Stories or something. lol. I just feel bad for the whole situation, even though I know it's not my problem.
lilmisscantbewrong Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 I can understand how this might make you feel edgy and upset, but honestly you don't know everything that is going on there - even if you have heard some gossip. For example, after my dday - my husband ended up having an affair. As far as I know it starred physically about a year after dday and then I confronted him about 8 months later. There are only a few people that know of his affair (while the entire town knows about mine since it was announced in a worship service). If my husband and I were to split up there would still be those that would blame me entirely because my husbands affair was not a public thing. And even if people did know about it, they would most likely believe he is justified (because of his status in town) because I had an affair first. You never know what is happening with another couple and what is going on. Maybe she is using his affair as a reason to get out - who knows? But in the end if you and your husband are reconciling and trying to recover your marriage, their situation has nothing to do with you. Focus on your relationship and try to keep the drama away from your life - you don't need it. 2
Author confusedandhurt2002 Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 Thank you. I know you are right. I just feel bad for him, in a way, that she has all her friends believing she didn't do anything to start all of this down this path. But then, maybe he's an ass too. I have no idea. I was brought up so differently from all of this. It's all so foreign to me, even though I'm in the middle of it! I'm not saying I'm superior to them, it's just all so odd for me because I only know of one situation of infidelity in my family other than mine...my aunts. Otherwise my family is rather straight laced...that I know of, of course. Ha! Who even knows. It just boggles my mind that she has all her friends crowding around her calling him an ass and telling her she is fine. BUt again, I'm not there. I don't know. And you are right. This is none of my business so I am moving on from it. I'll pray for my family to be protected and us to continue on our path to healing and for her and her H to forge their own path, whatever it may be. I can understand how this might make you feel edgy and upset, but honestly you don't know everything that is going on there - even if you have heard some gossip. For example, after my dday - my husband ended up having an affair. As far as I know it starred physically about a year after dday and then I confronted him about 8 months later. There are only a few people that know of his affair (while the entire town knows about mine since it was announced in a worship service). If my husband and I were to split up there would still be those that would blame me entirely because my husbands affair was not a public thing. And even if people did know about it, they would most likely believe he is justified (because of his status in town) because I had an affair first. You never know what is happening with another couple and what is going on. Maybe she is using his affair as a reason to get out - who knows? But in the end if you and your husband are reconciling and trying to recover your marriage, their situation has nothing to do with you. Focus on your relationship and try to keep the drama away from your life - you don't need it. 1
Author confusedandhurt2002 Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 I know. I know this is stupid, but as bad as I feel about it all, I also feel some anger because she caused my family so much harm yet now her friends are "praying" for her and comforting her and treating her like some little victim. I didn't want to be treated that way when I found out everything. I was embarrassed and humiliated and wanted everyone to leave me be but here she is asking for everyone to comfort her...again, only from what I have heard...and saying how innocent she is, after all the heartache she caused my family. This feeling is one I will work through, though. It's some resentment, but nothing I will ever act on. Just pray about.
Bryanp Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 I would suggest contacting the husband and let him know about what his wife did. 3
Spark1111 Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 I know. I know this is stupid, but as bad as I feel about it all, I also feel some anger because she caused my family so much harm yet now her friends are "praying" for her and comforting her and treating her like some little victim. I didn't want to be treated that way when I found out everything. I was embarrassed and humiliated and wanted everyone to leave me be but here she is asking for everyone to comfort her...again, only from what I have heard...and saying how innocent she is, after all the heartache she caused my family. This feeling is one I will work through, though. It's some resentment, but nothing I will ever act on. Just pray about. well, there you go.....the drama continues. Drama makes many a bored, lonely, or insecure person feel more alive, whether through affairs or as an avenue to garner attention and sympathy from others. It is a re-occurring pattern with some; lifelong in others. does her H truly not know of the affair and all her antics?
Author confusedandhurt2002 Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 Awhile ago, and from time to time, I check up on them on social media, much better than I used to be, just to make sure nothing has been said, threats made toward my family, whatever (so far NONE of that has happened, so I don't know why I even worry, but I do once in awhile) and I'm gathering he knows a lot more than she thinks he does. I mean A LOT. Like all of it. He contacted me after DDay 1, at least I think it was him. He tried to get info out of me about what I knew. or it was her trying to find out what I knew. I don't know. But the conversation got cut short when I told WS this guy was contacting me and it was pissing me off. WS texted OW and OW's H yelled at me for telling him he was talking to me. H had left the house at that point and tried to lie later about texting OW. He was an idiot because I knew he had talked to her that night, but anyhow....I knew A LOT more than he thought I knew too. He still doesn't know half the stuff I know. Quite honestly, I knew about as much as OW's H at the time, other than the trip my H said he'd planned to get over his fear of flying was to see her. OW's H told me that. I'd actually suspected this, but had no proof at the time and was battling some health problems so had no mentally energy to check it all out. Gathering from what he shares publically, he knows and how could he not know with his W on social media whining about how much she misses my H every couple of months or so. It's totally weird. She never mentions him by name but moans on and on about how special he was. Pretty sure she's not talking about her H, but maybe she had an OM other than my H. I have noooo idea. I don't know how people thrive on drama like that. Just checking in and finding a little bit out has made me sick to my stomach and longing for days with no drama. I want to be boring again. Very boring. Like that dude in Ferris Bueller's Day Off boring. "Bueller..Bueller...Bueller?" well, there you go.....the drama continues. Drama makes many a bored, lonely, or insecure person feel more alive, whether through affairs or as an avenue to garner attention and sympathy from others. It is a re-occurring pattern with some; lifelong in others. does her H truly not know of the affair and all her antics? 1
Author confusedandhurt2002 Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 I would suggest contacting the husband and let him know about what his wife did. Maybe, but I don't think I will unless I know a lot more about his mental stability, etc. Yes, he'd be pissed at his W, which I gather he already is, but I am trying to R with WS and I'd hate for him to be shot during that process. Hopefully that would never really happen -- this isn't a Quentin Tarantino movie, but still...hate to take the chance. And like I say above, I truly do believe he knows it all. She simply doesn't think she did anything wrong at all. Maybe he had an A before her so she thinks she is justified. Who knows how her brain works and quite frankly I only care enough to make sure my son is protected from her craziness. It is days like this I get really pissed at H that I even have to worry about her stupidity somehow touching our son's life. 1
lilmisscantbewrong Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 And although I truly do understand what pain you are going through, she is going through pain as well - and regardless your husband brought this crazy on your household. Focus on that. Forget about her. She needs friends as well. Let her have them.
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