My girlfriends behaviour, acceptable enough or should I say something?

[cm00]

I'm currently in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend. We text all the time and Skype almost every day but we haven't been together for 5 months. In a week we'll see each other and be together for several months.

 

She went out with her friends last Saturday night, afterwards she was telling me about it. She told me about a guy who was sat away from her who apparently ordered a drink and asked the waitress to bring it to her for him, and she said the guy looked creepy and twice her age, she refused the drink, no harm done.

 

He later tried again the same again, she took the drink and only pretended to drink it, nothing more happened, she had friends with with her. No harm done. When she was telling me this I couldn't help but wonder what was her reason for telling me this. She does like to tell me everything though, she said she feels she can talk to me about anything and everything, and she does. On a night out I have women flirting with me all the time and I can't exactly tell them to piss off, I just go along with it to a certain degree but it's nothing harmful and nothing comes of it, just talking really. Often a girl will buy me a drink too.

 

Then she told me the taxi driver who drove her home was being very friendly, from what she told me, he was flirting, and I get the impression she must have been flirting back a bit too. He was asking her all about her life, talking a lot, she knew he was trying to chat her up.

 

This is the part I feel unsure about, when they got to her house, she asked him if he could like to come in for coffee, of course he was all for it. She immediately said no no I am just joking. She told me she only said it as a joke, I suppose she thought it would be funny as he had been trying to chat her up. That was that, he dropped her off and left.

 

I wasn't sure why she even told me this, she's really clever, but she is a bit young and inexperienced. I get the feeling she felt a bit guilty and didn't want to hide from me that this happened, she wanted to tell me and to see how I would react so she knows if it was okay. I didn't say much on it, I didn't act like it bothered me or anything, I wasn't sure how I felt, it seemed okay at the time, but thinking about it more now, perhaps it was wrong of her to offer this guy who she doesn't even know, who she was alone with in the taxi to come in for coffee as a joke. He might not have liked that and it has the potential to become a bad situation.

 

I trust her, I know that she would never cheat on me, this girl is an angel and no woman has ever been so good to me as she is.

 

Should I say something to her? How would I say it? I don't want to come across as insecure because that is unattractive. She is 20, I am 29, she knows I'm wiser than she is and she does listen to any advice I have to give. I just don't think it's wise to invite a stranger you are alone with in a taxi to come in for coffee as a joke.

 

One worry I have is she is just testing me to see how I respond to this, and if she thinks I am being insecure about it then I fail the test and she becomes less attracted to me.

Edited March 31, 2014 by cm00

[cm00]

That sunday morning after I actually found about 12 texts from her. She wanted to know if everything was okay, and if I was angry with her, then she apologized and said she is just over thinking. I wondered why she asked if I was angry with her, I knew she'd been drinking and I assumed she must have felt guilty about something. I told her I wasn't angry, nothing bad happened? It was later in the evening when we Skyped she told me about how her night went.

Edited March 31, 2014 by cm00

[CarrieT]

You are WAY over-reacting. In having a Skype relationship, one tends to share every little interaction that occurs that might be of a sexual nature just because of its existence.

 

Heck, I tell my husband when guys hit on me. Big deal.

 

It is a fact of life and accepting it in her, in you, and in the world - and how you continue your relationship - is a matter of maturity, forgiveness, and trust.

[Carenth]

I'm currently in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend. We text all the time and Skype almost every day but we haven't been together for 5 months. In a week we'll see each other and be together for several months.

 

She went out with her friends last Saturday night, afterwards she was telling me about it. She told me about a guy who was sat away from her who apparently ordered a drink and asked the waitress to bring it to her for him, and she said the guy looked creepy and twice her age, she refused the drink, no harm done.

 

He later tried again the same again, she took the drink and only pretended to drink it, nothing more happened, she had friends with with her. No harm done. When she was telling me this I couldn't help but wonder what was her reason for telling me this. She does like to tell me everything though, she said she feels she can talk to me about anything and everything, and she does. On a night out I have women flirting with me all the time and I can't exactly tell them to piss off, I just go along with it to a certain degree but it's nothing harmful and nothing comes of it, just talking really. Often a girl will buy me a drink too.

 

Probably creeped her out depends what she said exactly in the conversation with you and how.

 

 

I wasn't sure why she even told me this, she's really clever, but she is a bit young and inexperienced. I get the feeling she felt a bit guilty and didn't want to hide from me that this happened, she wanted to tell me and to see how I would react so she knows if it was okay. I didn't say much on it, I didn't act like it bothered me or anything, I wasn't sure how I felt, it seemed okay at the time, but thinking about it more now, perhaps it was wrong of her to offer this guy who she doesn't even know, who she was alone with in the taxi to come in for coffee as a joke. He might not have liked that and it has the potential to become a bad situation.

 

I trust her, I know that she would never cheat on me, this girl is an angel and no woman has ever been so good to me as she is.

 

Don't put her on a pedestal, no one if perfect and no one is an angel. Everyone has their flaws. Judge people by their actions and not your perceived notions of what you think they are.

 

I would have never guessed how my LDR was going to end if you asked me and you can see it turned out great. Not saying that will happen to you but don't be naive if this behavior is bothering you and you just accept it then expect to see and hear more of it.

 

The question here is how does this behavior make you feel, honestly without worrying if it makes you sound insecure. I bet probably not that great and you know what if that is how you feel I wouldn't blame you.

 

Honestly this was pretty stupid on her behalf in my opinion for a few reasons. As you mentioned it could have turned into a dangerous situation by basically toying with a stranger like that. Second she is shamelessly flirting with strangers while in a relationship with you it's disrespectful to you. I wouldn't be thrilled if my girlfriend was asking random strangers up for coffee joke or no joke.

 

 

Should I say something to her? How would I say it? I don't want to come across as insecure because that is unattractive. She is 20, I am 29, she knows I'm wiser than she is and she does listen to any advice I have to give. I just don't think it's wise to invite a stranger you are alone with in a taxi to come in for coffee as a joke.

 

One worry I have is she is just testing me to see how I respond to this, and if she thinks I am being insecure about it then I fail the test and she becomes less attracted to me.

 

If it is bothering you can talk to her but not in an angry way. Say when you do x it makes me feel y because of z. For example: When you ask a random stranger up for coffee it makes me worried because you don't know this person and I don't think it's a good idea to toy with someones emotions like that.

[justwhoiam]

Men have this thing that they think they're constantly being tested.

 

If you waste your time weighing what the best answer is, you're probably gonna fail anyway...........

 

Personally, I appreciate a man being wise (though that might come across as boring in the long run, if it's just about 'being wise'), but that shouldn't mean being indifferent.

 

I guess I'll never admit it in front of him, but I love him being jealous. If someone hits on me, and especially someone from the past, I usually tell him the first chance I get to. Because I don't want him to find out any other way, and I have nothing to hide from him.

 

Honestly, I never heard of taxi drivers stopping by for a coffee while being on service... but before not long ago, I had never thought that taxi drivers could rape either, while on service, but it came out this sh@t happens.

 

I wouldn't like my boyfriend to flirt around with anyone, casually, with friends or whatever. If she did with you, chances are it's in her personality. You can let it go. But if you do, you must live with it.

 

That said, if you know she goes out at night and gets tipsy or even drunk on a regular basis, I wouldn't be OK with that.

[cm00]

I've spoken to her about it, she took it well, in fact she told me she really appreciated it that I did.

 

I told her that she shouldn't invite a guy in for coffee as a joke, it's not right. I told her that some men might really not like it and it could turn into a dangerous situation, and I don't want anything bad to happen to her.

 

I said that she should never lead a man on as a joke. She was only too glad to hear everything I had to say. She said she won't do it again.

 

I said the taxi driver was flirting with you? She looked a bit worried, I think she thought I might be angry about it, gave me a kind of "yes" but she said it was only talking and making jokes. I see nothing wrong with that because any time I have a night out I find myself in the exact same position with women flirting with me, trying to hit on me, and buying me drinks. I'm not going to be nasty and just not to talk to people because they might be flirting with me.

 

So I told her there's nothing wrong with talking and making jokes, as long as it's harmless. I told her that women will flirt with me and sometimes they offer to buy me drinks, but I wouldn't invite one of them back to my house with me, not even as a joke. She immediately got my point and repeated again that she won't do it again and she thanked me for always being sincere with her and always making sure she is safe.

 

All worked out rather well, she won't do anything like that again and it didn't lower her feelings for me at all, she really appreciated me talking to her about it. I think I know how she feels. I was involved with a much older woman once and I appreciated her and any wisdom she would give. I'm almost ten years older than this girl and she really likes that I am ten years older.

Edited March 31, 2014 by cm00

[cm00]

Basically, the flirting was limited to talking a lot and making jokes. I don't see any problem with that, you could just call that being friendly. She just went too far when she invited him in for a joke, but she knows now that it was wrong.

 

As for drinking on a night out, she doesn't do it often, and she doesn't drink much, she might get a little typsi but not completely drunk. She will always text me too while on her night out, sometimes a lot, and she'll text me when she gets home too, always thinking of me.

 

In less than a week I am going to her country to stay with her and her parents for a few weeks and then we will come back to my country we will live together over the whole summer for almost half a year in my house.

Edited March 31, 2014 by cm00