Avery1623 Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 So..... I'm an idiot. I had an amazing guy and we were together six months. The first few months were great but I became afraid of getting hurt and became really insecure to the point where I forced him to dump me because I was trying to protect myself. When I say forced I mean he told me I was driving him nuts and I didn't stop with the intention of driving him off so I could feel safe by just being alone. I questioned our relationship constantly. We live an hour away and only see each other on weekends (and mostly ever other because he has his son every other weekend) and although when we were together everything was amazing I struggled during the week with insecurities. I'm taking some big steps to fix my life starting with reconnecting with my parents after almost 3 years of not speaking to them. I love this man and miss him like crazy. I feel odd asking for advice but there is lots of great stuff on here so I am hoping for some help. I know there's a good chance I went too far. But on the off chance he does still care what would be the best way to go about trying to get him back? We are both 29 btw.
Gaeta Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Someone doesn't battle their insecurities in a short time. My suggestion is to work on yourself, seek help, rebuild your relationship with your parents, and in a year get in touch with him. If you get back with him now things will just go back to what they were. Also, wanting to go back to him is your insecurities taking over. It's safer for you to go back to what is familiar than to go out there and find someone new. For your sake, and his, it's better you stay apart and you work on yourself. 5
tekkenfan2 Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 I think that whether you decide to take more time to work on yourself or you decide to get back with him now you should update him on your situation. Apologize and let him know you realize you have a problem and you are working to fix it. (This way he doesn't still think you dont want him or anything like that) He should be fine with helping you work through it or giving you the time to on your own, whichever you decide. Good job on stepping up to fix yourself This is definitely something you can beat as long as you are serious about changing yourself.
bluegreen Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Hon you can't fix anything worth a c... here until you fix yourself. Like not in 7 days miracle make over either ...
Author Avery1623 Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 Thank you everyone for your replies. Even the gentleman who is "disgusted" by me and "my lot." You have given me a lot to think about.
myothernic2 Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 So..... I'm an idiot. I had an amazing guy and we were together six months. The first few months were great but I became afraid of getting hurt and became really insecure to the point where I forced him to dump me because I was trying to protect myself. When I say forced I mean he told me I was driving him nuts and I didn't stop with the intention of driving him off so I could feel safe by just being alone. I questioned our relationship constantly. We live an hour away and only see each other on weekends (and mostly ever other because he has his son every other weekend) and although when we were together everything was amazing I struggled during the week with insecurities. I'm taking some big steps to fix my life starting with reconnecting with my parents after almost 3 years of not speaking to them. I love this man and miss him like crazy. I feel odd asking for advice but there is lots of great stuff on here so I am hoping for some help. I know there's a good chance I went too far. But on the off chance he does still care what would be the best way to go about trying to get him back? We are both 29 btw. Don't be so hard on yourself. You rarely saw him, I'd feel insecure too... How did he feel about spending more time together? An hour away is not THAT far.
RonaldS Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Thank you everyone for your replies. Even the gentleman who is "disgusted" by me and "my lot." You have given me a lot to think about. My XW was very similar to you.....always so afraid that I would leave her, so insecure about herself and our relationship. The fear only hurts you. I highly doubt any relationship has ever been saved by fear and insecurity. Those are destructive forces, because they don't allow you to trust your partner. If you can't trust your partner, you can't be relaxed and happy in the relationship. If you're not relaxed and happy in the relationship, there is going to be constant discord. You will not only drive him crazy, but yourself as well. My XW and I had problems, but it was the insecurity that did us in. It was insurmountable. The problem with it was, it didn't matter what I did or didn't do. The only thing that mattered was what she thought I was doing or not doing. Impossible to battle perception. We're divorced. Three young kids. Don't go out like that. Figure out where that insecurity comes from and fix it, because if you don't, that's your fate as well.
Author Avery1623 Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 Thank you Ronald for your kind reply. I am trying to get this under control as I definitely agree that it serves no purpose. It is a sad and lonely way to go through life. I am actually am divorced already but that was my decision because he put me down a lot. I wasn't insecure I'm that relationship but the years following my divorce met an awful man who is now serving 15 years in prison so I have developed a lot of trust issues following that.
spiderowl Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Given that he's probably hellishly confused about what's happened, I would have thought that he deserves to know what was behind your actions. You don't have to get back with him and could even tell him you are working on yourself because of this. But, at least let the guy know he wasn't crazy. If you have no expectation of reviving the relationship, you can then get on with helping yourself and have the peace of mind of knowing you have been honest with him.
Author Avery1623 Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 I think he is aware of the reason behind my actions. He even called me out on pushing people until I push them right out of my life. I am not sure if the relationship can be saved. I am willing to put in the work and commitment but I am not sure he is at this point. Which I completely understand why. I would like to contact him and apologize but I feel like he may need some time to cool off. And when I contact him would a text or phone call be better? I feel like a phone call would be more sincere but I don't know if he will answer and it might make him feel pressured. A text he could just ignore if he chooses.
Author Avery1623 Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 I made him angry. He told me he needed space and I kept pushing.
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