TheUnthoughtKnown Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 I was back today in my old town visiting my mother for Mother's Day. I took her out for a meal and unexpectedly ran into an old flame from several years ago, who I haven't seen since I left that town. She's looking incredible. Now, we didn't exactly have a relationship so to speak, it was 99% sexual. But damn, it was some of the best sex I've ever had and I still use it as a kind of benchmark. So it was nice to see her, but now I'm lying here thinking about how I've committed to my girlfriend, who I love and adore. Our sex isn't anywhere to that level because my gf is quite submissive and I'm the kinda guy who prefers dominant sexual partners. I guess what I'm getting at is...as much as I love my gf, and I want to stay with her, I'm a little despondent at the thought of never having a 1st time again. Never getting that incredible thrill, that rush. Truth is, I miss it. I know I can't really have my cake and eat it but, if only I could relive some of my younger days again with those girls. If only I could go back and have some more 1sts. Anyone else ever get that?
Stay Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 How old are you? The reason I ask is there are certain ages where you start to wonder like that. I know for sure one of those ages is in your mid twenties. I haven't been through the others so I can't say much but I personally had stopped myself from thinking like that, it was tough but give it a few months and it usually fades away. You ran into her and it rekindled something but I think giving it a few months will allow your mind to ease off of that idea. It's normal and I don't blame you but it's all in how you handle the situation. 2
Leigh 87 Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 I was back today in my old town visiting my mother for Mother's Day. I took her out for a meal and unexpectedly ran into an old flame from several years ago, who I haven't seen since I left that town. She's looking incredible. Now, we didn't exactly have a relationship so to speak, it was 99% sexual. But damn, it was some of the best sex I've ever had and I still use it as a kind of benchmark. So it was nice to see her, but now I'm lying here thinking about how I've committed to my girlfriend, who I love and adore. Our sex isn't anywhere to that level because my gf is quite submissive and I'm the kinda guy who prefers dominant sexual partners. I guess what I'm getting at is...as much as I love my gf, and I want to stay with her, I'm a little despondent at the thought of never having a 1st time again. Never getting that incredible thrill, that rush. Truth is, I miss it. I know I can't really have my cake and eat it but, if only I could relive some of my younger days again with those girls. If only I could go back and have some more 1sts. Anyone else ever get that? Why did you settle for a girl you're not that passionate about sexually? This is your own fault. You should have waited for a girl you had better chemistry with in order to have a passionate sex life. It is okay. Most long term partners settle on people who are " good people, solid and stable partners" yet who they are not very passionate about in the bedroom department. I waited for a guy who I had both things with; a hot sex life and a stable, reliable partner. I declined most dates with men because I wanted both things. I was happy to wait a bit longer. 1
Canucklehead Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Hey OP, I have thoughts about a hometown girl and our NSA weekend we spent together about 26 years ago. I do not think about it as a GIG issue, rather just a lovely memory of the two of us having very uninhibited intimacy and temporary remedy for our loneliness and desires.
Canucklehead Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Perhaps, it is just the excitement of that time in your life that you are missing. I think you realize that you can not go back..... be grateful for what you love and have in your life today. GIG is often just an illusion you create in your own mind. 2
writergal Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 OP, definitely. I think about my first love who lived in another country. I had the chance to go to university where he lived, but panicked and didn't go even though it would have been okay with my parents. Then I ran into him in another country where he was going to grad school and we got together, which led me to think I finally had a second chance with him esp. because at the time I could have easily moved there to be with him. The next morning when I went to his apt to meet him for breakfast, his answering machine went on (this was back in the day when there was no voicemail) and it was his then fiance leaving him a message from her parents' vacation home. Needless to say things didn't work out between us. He married her, they have a family now and I'm still single. I think back to that day when I was 17, and wonder if he would have married me had I followed through with my plans to go to university where he lived.
Author TheUnthoughtKnown Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 How old are you? The reason I ask is there are certain ages where you start to wonder like that. I know for sure one of those ages is in your mid twenties. I am smack bang in the middle of my twenties, yes! I'm glad to hear its a common thing. I was a little concerned about my feelings, particularly since that relationship was never going to go anywhere. It's kind of the opposite of what I have now; we had little in common but the sex was great. Why did you settle for a girl you're not passionate about sexually? The girls I tend to be passionate about sexually are often completely wrong for me, and the relationship burns out after the honeymoon period. This girl got me; I've suffered from anxiety and depression for a number of years and most girls I date get scared when they eventually see that side of me. As well as this, I'm the kinda guy who prefers either a quiet drink with friends or else a night at home with a good book. Those girls whom I tend to be attracted to sexually are party girls who are very confident and outgoing and vibrant. In other words, the opposite of me. When I met my gf we clicked immediately because we've led similar lives and have very similar tastes and opinions. She's admitted I'm not her dream guy but that she couldn't see herself with anyone else now because of how great we are together. The only issue is the sex. I'll be honest, after years of dating and heartbreaks and fall outs and make ups, I'm very glad to be with someone I trust completely and care about. If I have to sacrifice a passionate sex life for that, so be it, you know?
Stay Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 I am smack bang in the middle of my twenties, yes! I'm glad to hear its a common thing. I was a little concerned about my feelings, particularly since that relationship was never going to go anywhere. It's kind of the opposite of what I have now; we had little in common but the sex was great. Don't worry about it, although it could make or break a relationship if you don't know what you want. Right now you're old enough that you need to get your life in order(marrying, finding your life partner, career, etc.) but yet still young enough to not want all that yet. Not sure if you want to be with the person you're currently with because time is critical at this age. Don't want to make the wrong mistake and not marry the right person by leaving your current gf yet don't want to miss out an opportunity on meeting the right person either by being with your gf. So it's a difficult time, a lot of thought process through your head. It's normal, quarter life crisis pretty much. If you know what you want in life and are solid on your decision, stick to it. You will think a lot of "what ifs" right now, you will think about how you're not where you want to be in life, etc. It's a tough time but like I said ignore those thoughts, they usually die down a few months down the road. Those situations just make it harder at this age.
Mrlonelyone Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 Now, we didn't exactly have a relationship so to speak, it was 99% sexual. But damn, it was some of the best sex I've ever had and I still use it as a kind of benchmark. So it was nice to see her, but now I'm lying here thinking about how I've committed to my girlfriend, who I love and adore. Our sex isn't anywhere to that level because my gf is quite submissive and I'm the kinda guy who prefers dominant sexual partners. I guess what I'm getting at is...as much as I love my gf, and I want to stay with her, I'm a little despondent at the thought of never having a 1st time again. Never getting that incredible thrill, that rush. Truth is, I miss it. I know I can't really have my cake and eat it but, if only I could relive some of my younger days again with those girls. If only I could go back and have some more 1sts. Anyone else ever get that? Repeat this three times. She's just my girlfriend not my wife. She's just my girlfriend not my wife. She's just my girlfriend not my wife. I say that so that you will not think about her in the terms that I bolded. You write of having committed to her and never having passionate sex again. Which means you are thinking of this woman as a "forever". I'm here to give you the good news about not being married. It means you can break up and find someone who's a better fit. I know how hard it can be to do that. As bad as the fear of being alone is, the fear of letting go of someone overall great for a reason like say sex, or a job etc is also scary. What if you think you can do better and never do? That is a risk you take. Consider the risk of eventually marrying someone who does not really fit you sexually. Consider the risk of making her your wife only to be unhappy for the rest of your life, perhaps divorced and with the big mess that can make of things. TLDR: BF/GF relationships are not marriage and not really even a commitment to do anything more than not have sex with anyone else. There is no promise of "forever" no guarantee of being there no matter what. If you are really unhappy with any part of a relationship, and it's something that can't be salvaged or changed, end it. In the long run it's for the better.
Leigh 87 Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 I am smack bang in the middle of my twenties, yes! I'm glad to hear its a common thing. I was a little concerned about my feelings, particularly since that relationship was never going to go anywhere. It's kind of the opposite of what I have now; we had little in common but the sex was great. The girls I tend to be passionate about sexually are often completely wrong for me, and the relationship burns out after the honeymoon period. This girl got me; I've suffered from anxiety and depression for a number of years and most girls I date get scared when they eventually see that side of me. As well as this, I'm the kinda guy who prefers either a quiet drink with friends or else a night at home with a good book. Those girls whom I tend to be attracted to sexually are party girls who are very confident and outgoing and vibrant. In other words, the opposite of me. When I met my gf we clicked immediately because we've led similar lives and have very similar tastes and opinions. She's admitted I'm not her dream guy but that she couldn't see herself with anyone else now because of how great we are together. The only issue is the sex. I'll be honest, after years of dating and heartbreaks and fall outs and make ups, I'm very glad to be with someone I trust completely and care about. If I have to sacrifice a passionate sex life for that, so be it, you know? But you do not HAVE to sacrifice passionate sex. You can find both things in a partner. It is not uncommon to find a girl you fall hard for and are passionate about who is also a good match.
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