whichwayisup Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 It's okay, I always let the cat watch.. Not kidding, ex (I was 17 years old) said that to me! 2
whichwayisup Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 My ex once said after eating me out "over one million served" He used to make a chainsaw/lawnmower sound and get his tongue ready Or as a joke mid sex he would say looking at his dick..."does this look infected" How do you go on after that without laughing or feeling turned off! Like what is he, 12? lol
Author writergal Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 @writergirl I totally agree....funny memories...the best sessions are with jokes!! Totally agree with you! If your partner is funny, 99% chance they're great in bed.
Grumpybutfun Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 My wife actually screamed to me right as we were about to topple over the precipice, "Get it out, get it out, I think my birth control pill was really a tic tac." G 9
Author writergal Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 It's okay, I always let the cat watch.. Not kidding, ex (I was 17 years old) said that to me! Hahaha! Same thing happened to me once, but with a dog watching. THAT was creepy.
Author writergal Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 My wife actually screamed to me right as we were about to topple over the precipice, "Get it out, get it out, I think my birth control pill was really a tic tac." G rofl! You get 5 bunnies for that one Grumpy! :bunny::bunny: Was this before you wanted to have children I hope? Or after? And why did she think it was a tic tac? Haha! 1
Poppyolive Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 How do you go on after that without laughing or feeling turned off! Like what is he, 12? lol @whichwayisup ha nope 29...I laughed so hard...didn't turn me off....I thought it was hilarious!
Author writergal Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 @whichwayisup ha nope 29...I laughed so hard...didn't turn me off....I thought it was hilarious! I think it is too! haha!
Hope Shimmers Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 "I will love you til the end of time!!!" ("So now I'm praying for the end of time, to hurry up and arrive.....")
Author writergal Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 "Are you done?" Oooh that's harsh!
Grumpybutfun Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 rofl! You get 5 bunnies for that one Grumpy! :bunny::bunny: Was this before you wanted to have children I hope? Or after? And why did she think it was a tic tac? Haha! This was after our adopted kids were teens, and I have no idea about why she thought her bc pill was a tic tac. She about broke my cock so I didn't ask. I got snipped right after. I had a girl in college say to me while rolling on my condom, "I know you don't love me yet, but after this you will." I jumped up so fast you would have thought a bomb just went off in her dorm room. In the military I was introduced by my XO to a girl who said while she was giving me head, "My fiancé wont be home until midnight, we have plenty of time." I was livid as he hadn't been mentioned, of course, and gave her a lecture on fidelity and trust that completely killed her mood, and left pretty mad. My favorite was from a girl in high school, "Harder, harder, I want it harder, do it like you are raping me." What? G 3
Author writergal Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 This was after our adopted kids were teens, and I have no idea about why she thought her bc pill was a tic tac. She about broke my cock so I didn't ask. I got snipped right after. I had a girl in college say to me while rolling on my condom, "I know you don't love me yet, but after this you will." I jumped up so fast you would have thought a bomb just went off in her dorm room. In the military I was introduced by my XO to a girl who said while she was giving me head, "My fiancé wont be home until midnight, we have plenty of time." I was livid as he hadn't been mentioned, of course, and gave her a lecture on fidelity and trust that completely killed her mood, and left pretty mad. My favorite was from a girl in high school, "Harder, harder, I want it harder, do it like you are raping me." What? G Lol, woooow those are some good examples. That last one, yowsa! Reminds me of a partner whose semen gave me hives. I literally said to him afterwards, "I think I'm allergic to you. You gave me hives." He took it personally. I took Benedryl. We broke up after that. Plus, his Ron Burgundy impression during sex wasn't funny because his timing was always off. Like, after sex he'd say a la Ron Burgundy, "Stay classy writergal" which would cause my nostrils to flare. Or he'd call me Baxter during and speak to me in Spanish. 0_0 1
Candy_Pants Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Hahaha! Same thing happened to me once, but with a dog watching. THAT was creepy. I had a dog who liked to jump on the bed and lick a butthole before being shoved off. I had to put bells on her collar. The sneaky sneaky.
aussietigerwolf Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 Ouch! Did he/she say that to you? yep... he did....
Babolat Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I'll start, based on personal experience (that I've said/guys have said): Did you just fart? Are you trying to dig to China? Um, that's not my name...my name is... (During orgasm) Wait...I thought you said you were an Atheist? Now I know why she dumped you... Are you trying to give me rug burn? Jeez! "Oh my God, are you inside me?!" Ex gf actually said that the first time I started to go inside her. It was because she had not had sex in a very long time and she could not believe she was about to. It was a running joke with all for a long time..I would remind her "It's not what a man wants to here the first time he enters you" 2
Babolat Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 "Stop, feel that?" Girl I was with wanted me to feel her orgasm. I was clueless. We were doing doggie and I just kept pounding...She got mad. 1
Author writergal Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 "Stop, feel that?" Girl I was with wanted me to feel her orgasm. I was clueless. We were doing doggie and I just kept pounding...She got mad. Bahaha! After he/I queefed he paused mid-thrust-mission-style and said, "wait...did you hear that?" To which I replied, "Nope. Keep going I'm almost there!" 1
Babolat Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Current woman I am seeing has not had sex in 3 years (my best guess based on her comments). Midway thru our first time she said "I'm glad to know I still love sex! Keep going, I'm cuming again!" 1
Author writergal Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 Current woman I am seeing has not had sex in 3 years (my best guess based on her comments). Midway thru our first time she said "I'm glad to know I still love sex! Keep going, I'm cuming again!" Haha! That's awesome! The next guy I have sex with is going to wish he trained for the Olympics, or had a pace maker installed. 1
Babolat Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Same girl who said "Stop, feel that?" said after the first time we had sex "I know you probably prefer a woman who is shaven down there and has bigger breasts". I was speechless. I could not cum after about an hour of trying, she even said "I know it's me, you are not attracted to me, we don't have to do this again". Same girl, on two other occasions just stopped mid sex, and said "I'm done, you are wearing me out!"
Author writergal Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 Wow, talk about anti-climactic. One time I had to stop a boyfriend just as food poisoning hit me (and then shortly after, him). "I think I'm gonna be sick!" He stopped and before he could take it personally, heard me barf my brains out, while naked, in my apt bathroom. Not my best moment. He got sick shortly after that. Luckily it was the Chinese food, not our sexual compatibility that made us both ill. Same girl who said "Stop, feel that?" said after the first time we had sex "I know you probably prefer a woman who is shaven down there and has bigger breasts". I was speechless. I could not cum after about an hour of trying, she even said "I know it's me, you are not attracted to me, we don't have to do this again". Same girl, on two other occasions just stopped mid sex, and said "I'm done, you are wearing me out!" 1
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