snooplama Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 I have a friend that I known from high school. We live in different states but talk on the phone all the time. I have been married for a long time and she is single. We are in our late thirties. She has been trying everything to meet someone but it hasn't happened. Whenever the dating hasn't gone her way she calls me crying saying she is old and nobody wants her. I tell her that isn't true and she will find someone. Then she gets mad at me for not agreeing with her. It wouldn't be so bad but she does this to me like once a week. She is crying and combative on the phone. When I say something to make her feel better she just gets mad. It leaves me feeling depressed and drained. I have started avoiding her phone calls. I just don't know what to do anymore. She is in therapy but refuses to take any anti-depressants. Its just like when she wants to have her weekly pity party she calls me. I know dating is hard but its not my fault she is single. She also keeps saying we are old and I don't think we are. I don't appreciate being called old. Just because we are not teenagers doesn't mean we are old. I guess this is more of a rant but if anyone has any ideas on what I could say to her when she gets like that I would appreciate it.
CC12 Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 I guess this is more of a rant but if anyone has any ideas on what I could say to her when she gets like that I would appreciate it. I'm guessing she just wants to vent and be validated. She doesn't want to hear "You're not old! You'll find someone!" I'm kind of like you, when someone tells me their problems, I want to either offer solutions or help them to see things in a more positive way. But I've learned that sometimes people just want to be babied, for lack of a better term. They just want someone to listen to them and to say, "Aww, that's too bad. You're right, it's all so very unfair." So listen and make sympathetic noises and after a suitable amount of her venting, change the subject to something more pleasant. Or if you've had enough, just be honest and tell her that sometimes your conversations lead to you feeling depressed and drained because she tends to get combative when you're only trying to help, so maybe we shouldn't talk about that subject anymore? 1
d0nnivain Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 I second the stop trying to help & just listen. Multi task while you talk to her & make supportive noises but let it go in one ear & out the other.
preraph Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Well, she is f'd up and needs to follow Dr.'s orders. I get so tired of people with every excuse not to take a pill. They act like they think the pill is worse than their disease and it's just an excuse not to get better. These same people may be smokers or drinkers or just about anything else, but they'll tell you the pill is too dangerous. I would stop her midsentence and tell you : YOU need to be following doctor's orders because you are over the edge.
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