Is your SO over ALL the time???

[bubblygrl5]

I need someone to explain this live-in bf thing to me. My bf and I are both 25, and have been together for 3 yrs now. He doesnt officially live with me, but is over ALL the time. For the next few months, his client is 10 minutes from my apt, so it just became convenient to spend EVERY night at my house. I used to love this, but now it drives me nuts.

 

I feel like I run a hotel! He gets here at 6 or 7, winds down with TV or internet or whatever, puts on his gym clothes (yes, he has officially taken closet and drawer space!!!) will go to the gym with his buddies (who happen to live near me also). He'll come back make something to eat and leave the dirty dishes, then climb into bed with a book and go to bed.

 

His clothes will be on the floor, he'll leave the food out on the counter, dirty dishes, jsut random stuff lying around, and he will be in my bed while I am trying to get some work down. Or maybe I just want to be loud and talk on the phone, or whatever.

 

We, or should I say ME...is havign a hard time with this cause I feel like a hotel - he comes, changes, eats, sleeps, and that's it. He says I can't expect him to hang out with me all the time he's there cause he lives there...but all this routine/married-ness is making me crazy! And if he supposedly "lives" with me, then he needs to clean up too! He seems to think buying groceries is enough.

 

So, for anyone else who lives with their bf, how do you make it less routine? Do you guys just go in and out separately? When he comes home is he expected to hang out?

 

I'm used to seeing him twice or 3X a week, and when we did, it was a date, and we hung out. I don't know how to do this thing where we see each other so much!

 

Advice anyone?

 

Bubbly

[masked_man]

I think you need say this to him not us. As I see it you are (really) allowing him to carry on like this. It is your apartment after all. Perhaps it is time to lay down the law? Tell him you think he is treating your place like a hotel. Ask him how long he intends to continue this "arrangement"?

 

He must have a place of his own? What's happening to that?

 

Heh, seems to me it is usually the guy asking how to make living together less "routine". If you are living together routine is something you are going to have to get used to. To make it less routine you need to live your life a little more, and assert your independance. Don't wait at home for him. Go out with friends, do whatever.

 

If someone was living with me, yes I would expect them to hang out with me, sometimes anyway. That's the idea isn't it?

[moimeme]

This isn't routine-married-ness. This is jerk-ness. Pack up his belongings, ask him for the key back, and tell him you are not a hotel complete with maid service. Say he's welcome to stay if he's going to help out and if you two are actually going to do things together but otherwise ta ta.

[bubblygrl5]

Every time I ask him to clean up, he always tells me he's SOOOOOO tired, and that I don't know how it feels to be at work for 12 hours a day! Sometimes he will get off his lazy a$$ and hang up some of his stuff, but really - he should be offering to go do the laundry or something. When it comes to that though, he'll still consider it MY apartment. I end up doing a lot of the stuff b/c I am here more often than he is, and I just can't function when things get THAT messy.

 

I am just frustrated b/c he wasnt always like this!

 

Anyway, he went out of town for the weekend - and I called him (he didnt answer) and left him a message saying I would really like if we spent this week apart, i need a little space. Hopefully, in a week I'll be alittle less annoyed and he'll be a bit more thoughtful.

 

How should I bring this up with him in a nice way? I have this tendency to wait til something just makes me SUPER mad, and then I can't be calm about it. How should I start?

 

Bubbly