Hope737 Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 I broke up with my ex in January 2013, so over a year ago now. We've been friends since 2004 and in a relationship for 6 years. I won't go into details of how we broke up as I've discussed that on here before and now i'm in a different scenario. I've been no contact for about ten months now, which as you know is VERY tough when you've known somehow for ten years. I've missed her terribly during this time. I've been for counselling, and tried to sort things out as after the break up I quickly went down hill. I drank a lot felt like rubbish day after day. It's true to say my life is not the same without her in my life. Anyway I lately found out through a friend that she has been asking about me and she wishes that I'd talk to her. I completely understand we are over and we will not get back together but part of me is dying to get in touch and try and become friends whilst the other half of me is telling me to stay well clear! Even a work colleague told me the other day that she misses me (as a friend of course). For years she was my closest friend, hence the extreme temptation to contact her. The downside to getting in touch is that fact I'd have to see her with her new boyfriend and watch her settling down with him but she was such an amazing friend I don't know what to do!
4everalones Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 (edited) I have recently posted a thread similar to this one. My ex and I were best friends, and I think he's such an amazing person. Even though we have broken up, I still would very much have liked to be friends with him some day. He told my friends and emailed me a few times telling me that he wishes I would talk to him, and that he misses me, etc. I was wondering if friendship is indeed an option since we don't hate each other or anything. Let me summarize the countless responses I got: DON'T DO IT. You can never be friends with your ex. As soon as you see her, talk to her, hangout with her, old flames will rekindle. How would you handle seeing her with her new boyfriend on a constant basis? how would you feel when they kiss, hug, or even get engaged, get married. etc.? No one deserves such a pain! Believe me, I am so tempted to become friends with my ex. I think he's a good friend, and our breakup was amicable. But there are plenty of good friends out there. Please be careful, and only consider being friendly again when you're completely over her (which is probably years from now). PS: being "friendly" and being friends are two different things. You can probably never be real friends with an ex you loved. Edited March 30, 2014 by 4everalones 3
Author Hope737 Posted March 30, 2014 Author Posted March 30, 2014 Thanks 4everalones, yeah your words make sense. It's the having to see her settling down with this new guy that would cripple me so it's not worth putting myself through it I guess. I just have to accept she'll be just a memory. A damn shame but that's life I guess. Onwards and upwards! 2
KevinC Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Hope it seems to me that you are not completely over her, if thats the case i wouldnt try and be friends. My best friend is in fact my ex from like 7years ago. She is such an amazing person that i coudnt not have her in my life after our relationship ended. That being said it took alot of time and hard work for us to be friends but it is possible. She has a boyfriend and they have been going out for about 4 years and he is a good guy, we get along very well he is my gym partner. If you do this be sure your feelings are in check and that you are over her completely. Be ready to accept her new bf, she wont like it if you resent him. Its possible ive done it just be sure of yourself because you cant fake it.
Author Hope737 Posted March 30, 2014 Author Posted March 30, 2014 Hey KevinC, thanks for the words! It makes sense, if I genuinely want to be friends and handle it correctly then it should work. You hit the nail on the head though, I'm not 100% sure if I'm over her or not which would make it stupid for me to attempt a "friendship". It's a tough one. Like the case with your ex, how you consider her an amazing person and still needed her in your life, even just as friends, I fee the same about my ex but I'm not sure if I could handle seeing her with another guy yet. Time will tell anyway, all the best!
BigGirlPantiesOn Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 If you have to ask here, you're not ready. 1
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