Ponderinglove Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Hi So I slept with this guy i had been ob three dates with. Afterwards i tried to arrange for us to go on another date but he would come up with an excuse. So i text him asking what was going on as i thought we got on well. The reply i got was.... Wait for it... I have only just come out of a relationship,no matter how well we get on or how nice you are am not looking for a relationship, the night you stayed over i noticed you wanted more. So i text back angry saying why did you use me, why didn't you tell meand allow me to make my own decision about sleeping with you. I accept i was used and shouldn't have slept with him so soon. My problem is, i now think about him all the time, i like him even more now for some reason. I thought we clicked. Do i text or call and set things straight?
Gaeta Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 If you cannot handle casual sex then don't have it ok ! Blows my mind the amount of women coming on here crying because the guy disappeared after early sex. Sex is exchanged for sex. He had sex - you had sex - the exchange was fair. Sex does not mean a commitment, does not mean he's emotionally attached, does not even mean he likes you! SO if for you sex is something intimate to share with a special someone then don't have sex on a 3rd date. Let this guy go, he's not interested. 2
soccerrprp Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Good grief... Sex for a lot of women is "special." Did you even have the "exclusive" talk? Was there ANY commitment made? In the absence of the above, you had sex for sex-sakes. You didn't make it known to him as he clearly did not fully know, that you wanted much more before you had sex. You want him more now b/c you want to prove to yourself somehow that you were not used, you were not wrong, to make you feel better about having had sex with him...
Gaeta Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 The reply i got was.... Wait for it... I have only just come out of a relationship,no matter how well we get on or how nice you are am not looking for a relationship, the night you stayed over i noticed you wanted more. When you met him didn't you ask him how long he had been out of a relationship? Did you ask him why his last relationship ended? Did you ask him what he was now looking for? So i text back angry saying why did you use me, why didn't you tell meand allow me to make my own decision about sleeping with you.. You can only accuse him of using you if he told you a bunch of lies to get you to bed, like you're the one for him, he wants to be with only you, he wants you as his gf, etc. If you ASSUMED by sleeping with you it meant you were special to him than this is 100% on you. 1
Author Ponderinglove Posted March 30, 2014 Author Posted March 30, 2014 Good grief... Sex for a lot of women is "special." Did you even have the "exclusive" talk? Was there ANY commitment made? In the absence of the above, you had sex for sex-sakes. You didn't make it known to him as he clearly did not fully know, that you wanted much more before you had sex. You want him more now b/c you want to prove to yourself somehow that you were not used, you were not wrong, to make you feel better about having had sex with him... He asked if i was seeing other people and he said he wasn't cause he was happy, and i wasn't either. He asked if i had told my friends about him and if we had gossiped about him over ice cream like most girls do. To be fair, it all just happened to quick, i have never had casual sex, it was the first time it ever happened. So yeh, looks like i can't handle it
veggirl Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Forget him. He isn't interested beyond sex and he has now made that perfectly clear. At least you know in the future that sex w/o committment doesn't work for you. Lesson learned. PS being dramatic and accusatory to a guy after only 3 dates will NEVER win him over. It makes you look crazy to him. So this one is def a lost cause. 1
xxoo Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 It would be nice if, when sex happens in a dating context (going on dates, spending time getting to know each other outside bed), a man would clarify that the sex is casual, and not part of advancing the dating relationship. Makes sense to me. BUT--they don't. You can't count on it. You must ask the tough questions, and take the time to build trust.
HappyLove Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Sex doesn't complicate things. Sleeping with a guy you only had 3 dates with and no discussion of exclusivity and making a whole lot of assumptions complicate things. Was this an online hookup? 1
Author Ponderinglove Posted March 30, 2014 Author Posted March 30, 2014 It would be nice if, when sex happens in a dating context (going on dates, spending time getting to know each other outside bed), a man would clarify that the sex is casual, and not part of advancing the dating relationship. Makes sense to me. BUT--they don't. You can't count on it. You must ask the tough questions, and take the time to build trust. Thank you for the advice, i have never dated, had one boyfriend who was my friend to start with so it just grew into a relationship, so i am not too sure how to date, what questions to ask, when to ask and how to ask. So for next time i will keep in mind what you have just said, mistakes we make, lessons we learn. 1
GoreSP Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 If you cannot handle casual sex then don't have it ok ! Blows my mind the amount of women coming on here crying because the guy disappeared after early sex. Sex is exchanged for sex. He had sex - you had sex - the exchange was fair. Sex does not mean a commitment, does not mean he's emotionally attached, does not even mean he likes you! SO if for you sex is something intimate to share with a special someone then don't have sex on a 3rd date. Let this guy go, he's not interested. This. If you ca't handle being dumped after sex, don't have sex before a commitment is confirmed.
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