ripheart Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Assuming the relationship was long healthy one with no abuse or cheating involved, what do you think is less worse ?? I think being left for someone else is a blessing in disguise.. It may hurt you more to begin with, but with time you will realize you can do much better than someone who can leave you.. Most times its also immaturity on part of ex and if you go away from their life gracefully, there is much higher probability of they regretting their decision and coming back in future giving the power in your hands to take them back or not.. I think ex who abandon a great relationship just because they think grass will be greener is almost always preparing themselves to get hurt badly.. The odds of their new relationship prospering is next to zero!! But if you are just left, it can really mean your ex is strong enough to survive without you, also you may not have been good enough for them and they deserve someone who treats them better.. And moving on from them will be much more harder in this case.. Because you know they were better than you!! What do you think??
bluegreen Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Being left dumped or walked off on in no way or sense is easier less painful or humiliating one way or another both hurt burn and can wreck a hell upon someone. The only sure way to avoid it is to have good sense and leave first. To bad to few get this chance ...
Arieswoman Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 ripheart, Being left for someone else, IMO, is the most hurtful by a long way. Sadly, relationships break up all the time and people get hurt. That's life. They fall out of love, drift apart, have problems with in-laws etc etc. I believe that you should always treat your partner as you would like to be treated, with respect, and that if you don't want the relationship to continue then you tell them, and set them free to find somone who does want them. The problem with being dumped for someone else is that most probably the other person was waiting in the wings all the time. So your significant other was cheating on you while they decided what they wanted to do. Cheating doesn't come alone. It bring with it lies and disrespect, and that is what hurts IMO.
pickflicker Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 There isn't any difference. If you aren't the one who pulls the trigger, you feel like the fool. 1
Ordinaryday Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 I have often told my dumpers NOT to tell me the reason they are dumping me. Most of them have tried to have a 'talk' with me where they outline the reasons for dumping me (probably more for their benefit than mine) but I have usually said "I don't want to hear it" and if they have said "but you need to know why!" or something like that, my answer has been "No, I dont! end of discussion". WHY they are dumping me is irrelevant. all that matters is that they are dumping me. so I dont want to hear it. and a lot of the time what they tell you will just be lies anyway, to ease their guilt and 'soften the blow'. forget that. 6
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Being left for someone else is far worse although I have never been in that situation. It's worse because it involves deceit. Even if they weren't with that other person, it means that for weeks/months of your R; they were thinking or fantasizing about them while you were in the dark. Basically the last few weeks/months of the R were a sham where they "forced themselves" to make it work with you. 3
witmadskilllz Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 i am a victim of this, as I have been dumped for someone else in secret or behind my back. Looking forward to the day she completely disappears from my mind, heart and soul.
mutualove Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Being left for someone else is worse.It shatters your ego and takes more time to build it back up.If you think you're in that situation it's better to pull the plug yourself because trust me you don't wanna know!People shouldn't stick around to find out.I didn't..
Mr.Pine Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 What do you think?? For me, just being left is far worse. If you're left for another person, you become angry and hurt. If you're just left, you're just hurt. Hurt without anger is painful. The anger stage usually comes weeks or months after a breakup. When there is someone else in the picture, the anger begins almost immediately. Just being left leaves you with a saddening feeling of failure. You're thinking to yourself, this person would rather be alone then to be with me. That's harsh. Harsher than them being with someone else. I dunno... it sucks either way.
kat1012 Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Assuming the relationship was long healthy one with no abuse or cheating involved, what do you think is less worse ?? I think being left for someone else is a blessing in disguise.. It may hurt you more to begin with, but with time you will realize you can do much better than someone who can leave you.. Most times its also immaturity on part of ex and if you go away from their life gracefully, there is much higher probability of they regretting their decision and coming back in future giving the power in your hands to take them back or not.. I think ex who abandon a great relationship just because they think grass will be greener is almost always preparing themselves to get hurt badly.. The odds of their new relationship prospering is next to zero!! But if you are just left, it can really mean your ex is strong enough to survive without you, also you may not have been good enough for them and they deserve someone who treats them better.. And moving on from them will be much more harder in this case.. Because you know they were better than you!! What do you think?? this is what I am thinking right now! At the beginning I thought it would be worse if my ex left me for someone else, so when one month later I talked to him and he told me he wasnt seeing anyone. I felt better at that time. But then in the long run I realized it's worse, like as you said, the ex probably was strong enough to survive without me. that he must have realized he would be better off without me. He said he's actually thought for a few weeks, which to me means it's not a rush decision, that I really must have sucked. I don't know if after 8 months he's dating anyone now, not that I would easily find out given that he never posts anything related to his relationships on facebook, but I bet he's very happy without me. When we talked one month after break-up, he asked me how i was using my "new freedom". It sucks... I bet being left for someone hurt more at the beginning, but then I guess the hate will help you move past that person easier and faster. while now I am blaming myself for the break up, for not being good enough. the longer after the break-up, the more I replay what has happened and gone wrong, the more I realized how I could have done way better....
elseaacych Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 It all sucks. Regardless, there are a few small blessings in them leaving for someone else. 1. You realize that they are an idiot that much sooner. 2. Everyone else recognizes they are an idiot, too. 3. You realize that much sooner you deserve better. 4. There is a roadblock that effectively prevents you from begging for them back. You get to maintain your dignity, hopefully. And it's easier to go NC. 5. You don't even really want them back. It still hurts, but you can have faith in your own actions. 1
forgetmenot75 Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 I have often told my dumpers NOT to tell me the reason they are dumping me. Most of them have tried to have a 'talk' with me where they outline the reasons for dumping me (probably more for their benefit than mine) but I have usually said "I don't want to hear it" and if they have said "but you need to know why!" or something like that, my answer has been "No, I dont! end of discussion". WHY they are dumping me is irrelevant. all that matters is that they are dumping me. so I dont want to hear it. and a lot of the time what they tell you will just be lies anyway, to ease their guilt and 'soften the blow'. forget that. If you have been dumped that many times, I guess it's better to know what you're doing so wrong the other person wants to leave you. Just saying... I think it's much worse to be dumped for another. It surely sucks both ways though.
BC1980 Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 I've never been dumped for another person, but I used to think how bad it was that my ex would rather be single than be with me. That's also hard to take. Of course, it did help to know he wasn't living it up with someone else.
a0009 Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 (edited) I was left for someone else and I was angry and hurt and the pain was too much. The only good part from it was that there was no hope of getting her back and it was easier for me to accept that she was not coming back and NC become easier, everytime I think of contacting her the other guy comes in my mind and the urge to text her goes away. I have experienced both and I prefer being left for someone else because when you accept the fact you have been dumped for another its easier not to hang on hope of them coming back and trusting them again. Edited March 30, 2014 by a0009 2
BC1980 Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 I was left for someone else and I was angry and hurt and the pain was too much. The only good part from it was that there was no hope of getting her back and it was easier for me to accept that she was not coming back and NC become easier, everytime I think of contacting her the other guy comes in my mind and the urge to text her goes away. I have experienced both and I prefer being left for someone else because when you accept the fact you have been dumped for another its easier not to hang on hope of them coming back and trusting them again. One of my friends said it's easier to get over it faster if you are left for someone else. She was with a guy for several years who left her and was married to someone else within a year. She said it was pretty awful, but it gave her no hope. She was able to move on much faster because it wasn't a drawn out breakup. She is now married with two kids, so it worked out. The guy that broke her heart actually ended up divorced from the girl he married. 1
WYSWYG Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 (edited) In my last 2 BU's, I found out that my exes were talking to someone else already. It's also at the point where the RS is getting dull, questionable and more dotted w/ petty arguments. So it always seemed an easy exit until a week or so later when loneliness hits you like a brick wall. I think it's worse when they leave you for someone else because you feel left behind and alone while they're in the honeymoon stages. But at the same time, it also ended any lingering hope I had for them and made NC easier knowing I've already lost my turn. Edited March 30, 2014 by WYSWYG
InnocentMan Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Most people that leave are leaving for someone else. They may or may not have met them yet. If someone leaves you, the first place you should be looking at, is yourself. Did you make a bad choice? Could you have made more effort? Did you always know it would end like this? That's much more beneficial than wondering about what they are up to. Sometimes you come to the conclusion that your ex was just a wrong un', but if you look deeply enough, there's often ways that you can improve your own behaviour/attitude. This stops us getting in similar scenarios. I've never been left without finally accepting at least half of the blame, often much more has been my own fault/bad choices. 2
Kens8156 Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 (edited) It all sucks. Regardless, there are a few small blessings in them leaving for someone else. 1. You realize that they are an idiot that much sooner. 2. Everyone else recognizes they are an idiot, too. 3. You realize that much sooner you deserve better. 4. There is a roadblock that effectively prevents you from begging for them back. You get to maintain your dignity, hopefully. And it's easier to go NC. 5. You don't even really want them back. It still hurts, but you can have faith in your own actions. I completely agree with you! Two months have passed now and I know she already had someone else after a month or maybe even sooner. It may sound quite arrogant but I know I have given her things in the two months we were together that she will never get from the new guy... I'm talking about little things as sending her an unexpected gift, taking her out for dinner for no particular reason, looking at the stars together while drinking a glass of wine... the new guy is nothing like that and I know she liked those things. Of course I wasn't perfect and I made some mistakes (and learnt from them), but if she is stupid enough to leave me and doesn't see how much I cared about her, she doesn't deserve me. Edited March 30, 2014 by Kens8156
WYSWYG Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Most people that leave are leaving for someone else. They may or may not have met them yet. If someone leaves you, the first place you should be looking at, is yourself. Did you make a bad choice? Could you have made more effort? Did you always know it would end like this? That's much more beneficial than wondering about what they are up to. Sometimes you come to the conclusion that your ex was just a wrong un', but if you look deeply enough, there's often ways that you can improve your own behaviour/attitude. This stops us getting in similar scenarios. I've never been left without finally accepting at least half of the blame, often much more has been my own fault/bad choices. ^^^^ Yes, it takes two. Recently, I asked an ex ex what/how I did and what could I've done better. She wasn't very comfortable about the topic but def gave me an insight from a different point of view. As with most things life, it starts from within and swallowing ones pride cures better than any pill IMO.
BC1980 Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 ^^^^ Yes, it takes two. Recently, I asked an ex ex what/how I did and what could I've done better. She wasn't very comfortable about the topic but def gave me an insight from a different point of view. As with most things life, it starts from within and swallowing ones pride cures better than any pill IMO. I think that I ignored a lot of red flags in my recent relationship. Also, the ones before that were poor choices on my part. I've learned, and I would have weeded these people out much quicker now. These people showed me exactly who they were, but I decided to only see the parts I wanted to. That's on me. 1
WYSWYG Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 (edited) I think that I ignored a lot of red flags in my recent relationship. Also, the ones before that were poor choices on my part. I've learned, and I would have weeded these people out much quicker now. These people showed me exactly who they were, but I decided to only see the parts I wanted to. That's on me. 'did that, too. I gambled on the red flags & let the good times roll. You know, I tried to convince myself that no one is perfect and see how long I can tolerate the "personality differences" and be sensible to her lifestyle. Some valuable lessons learned. Edited March 30, 2014 by WYSWYG
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