Leigh 87 Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 When you first met your gf/bf husband/wife, did you keep dating around to "see who you liked the best" out of a few dates, or were you into them enough from date one to just pursue them? OR, like my bf, to u tend to only focus on one woman at a time? Please provide examples about your past relationships if possible. I am trying to find a connection between people who think "wow, they are just something" from date one and are only able to focus on this one person due to not having room to even compare other prospects, and the resulting relationship from this type of first meet..... Versus someone who meets a new partner and is lukewarm but find them very lovely yet needs to explore their options more before deciding "what prospect they like the best".
d0nnivain Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Met DH & 2 other guys the same night. One asked me out that night. Another called the next day. I had to contact DH 1st. I went on 1 date with all of them. Date with DH was baaaaaadddd. I literally ended up crying on the shoulder of best male buddy. Went on 2 dates with DH & another guy but was always hung up on DH. I thought he didn't like me.
RedRobin Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 I think you know the answer from me... but I'll pitch in. I only date one guy at a time. Regardless how I feel about them when I first meet them. My now ex-H and I... He was the same way. My fiancée, who died. I believe he was casually dating someone he'd met through work when he met me. He ended things with her to date me... after a couple of dates. I believe him because I met her at work functions afterwards and there was never any weirdness. ...since then... I've only ever been in relationships with men who focused on just me immediately. The ones who needed to see other women past a couple of dates with me... even if he and I were just getting to know each other and 'casually dating'... never went anywhere. I dumped them. The ones who were seeing me first... then tried to add on other women afterwards to check out (they thought I couldn't tell. HA!!)... Definitely dumped them. Now that you mention it... I always dump men if/when I find out they are seeing other women past a couple of dates with me. Me and multi daters don't get along, apparently. Doesn't matter if sex is involved or not. If romance is their goal, it isn't happening with me unless it is exclusive pretty early on. Otherwise, we can be just friends. I'm ok with that.
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 30, 2014 Author Posted March 30, 2014 Red Robin, Good to hear from you. I have learnt over the years that I am much more that way inclined now.... the way you do things. I tried multi dating but it left a bad taste in my mouth; a lot of people tend to want to be the focus of your attention.... I could just tell that the guys I dated more than once, the ones who were into me, would have been upset if they knew I was chatting to "other options":sick: I felt really crappy. I only tried it (multi dating) because it seemed like the "intelligent" thing to do. And no, I don't go putting all my emotions into the first guy I meet anymore. I have learnt better. Still though, my train of thought goes as follows: - I do not date guys I am lukewarm about. Plain and simple. I do not have to be SOLD on a guy at first - I DIDN'T like my ex that much, but I just got a "feeling" from him that compelled me to keep seeing him. I was NOT lukewarm about him even though I didn't really like him that much as a person. Chemistry or something, think I am speaking of..... The thing with my bf is, this is just the way that he is; not into FWB and he only focuses on the one girl, even if he is not.. over the moon about her. Although I have a strong feeling that .. based on the way he has acted, that he was fairly smitten with me:o I find that other values seem to align with NON multi daters; my bf doesn't multi date, and he also doesn't: - ogle other women, with me or without me (he only has eyes for the woman he is with) his ex was a bit of a spaz to be honest, yet he still only had eyes for her even though he was baffled by her "behaviour":lmao: -NON multi daters don't tend to like FWB although when he was younger in high school he fooled around with a few girls. He is 30 now though and hasn't since then. Just two gf prior to me........... Those are just a few observations I have picked up with the guys who do NOT multi date. ^^^^^ I do realise that the above is just generalisations and is NOT true for a lot of men who DO opt to multi date yet are still decent men in how they treat women.
RedRobin Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 I agree with you Leigh... the guys who tend to more closely associate sex and emotions aren't out having FWB and casual sex... and also tend to want to date just one woman at a time.... not multi-daters. It's probably not rocket science Seems pretty logical to me! Glad you are happy!
OhThatGirl Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 I claim to be a multi dating kind of girl. But I realize that's because I only multi date until I find someone I'd like to get to know better. One or two dates and if I think there is potential I tend to focus on that one particular person. Actually, after one or two dates I'm moving on from someone I *dont* want to get to know better. I guess I'm not great at multi dating afterall. I don't think I realized that I do this until recently. Btw... Thank you again Red for your insight in my own thread about the serial LTR guy. Tonight he gave me stargazer lillies "...because it's Saturday." We've had a great time together, he's very sweet, we connect well. Glad I gave him a chance.
RedRobin Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Btw... Thank you again Red for your insight in my own thread about the serial LTR guy. Tonight he gave me stargazer lillies "...because it's Saturday." We've had a great time together, he's very sweet, we connect well. Glad I gave him a chance. Awesome!! I love lilies too. Especially Casa Blanca lilies. Love the smell! Good luck
iris219 Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Maybe I'm naive, but I didn't realize multi-dating was so common until I heard about it on LS. I'm still not sure it's that common in real life. Who has time for it? I am very busy. I barely have time to go to the gym and grocery shop, much less go on dates with multiple men. I wouldn't want to anyway. Sounds like a lot of work. The only way I'd multi-date is if I liked the guy I was dating, but he didn't seem into me or he started to be flaky, etc. I'd give him a couple more chances while going out with someone else before I dropped him. 1
Gaeta Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 When I met my ex-husband years ago it was love at first sight. We were married 15 years. When I met my second ex he was a one-night-stand and from that night together we did not part for 4 years. I was not in love instantly but I never felt the need to look at what other men were available. And my last boyfriend of 6 months, completely blew my mind on date 1, we both deleted our profile after 3 dates.
angel.eyes Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 (edited) Everyone is going to be different. Every couple is going to be different. Do what feels right for you. With my current boyfriend, I had a really fantastic first date, but continued to go on first and second dates with other guys until he asked me to be his girlfriend on our third date. He was charming, sexy, funny and all of that, and everyone commented on the chemistry between us, but I wasn't sure we shared the same values or were compatible. He was still a relatively unknown quantity when I agreed to be exclusive. It wasn't until about two months into our relationship, once I had a better handle on his character and his values, that I really fell for him...and fell hard. I could see myself spending the rest of my life with him. For him, he fell for me immediately, and had no interest in seeing anyone else after our first date. With my ex, on the other hand, neither of us was interested in anyone else after we met. In fact, we never actually discussed exclusivity. We just were exclusive from the outset and never dated anyone else until we broke up. We shared the same social circle, had very similar life histories, same values, etc, so deciding to date him and be his girlfriend was relatively straightforward and simple. So, I don't think whether you continue to dabble briefly in dating after a first date is a predictor of the relationship's longevity, relationship success or one's ultimate commitment to a partner. In fact, I would suggest that if you're deciding that someone is a fantastic and perfect partner for you when you barely know the person, you're mistaking infatuation for love, and you're building a relationship on shifting sand rather than a solid foundation. Edited March 30, 2014 by angel.eyes 1
soccerrprp Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 I tried multi-dating once and it was not fun. I focus on one woman at a time. It's funny, but my current gf, I believe, was dating other men when I was dating her early on. But we didn't have the exclusive talk, so I guess that was okay. This was early in my dating, but naively believed that people just "naturally" focused on one person at a time. I was wrong. But, the way I solidified my relationship with my gf was much more complicated...
veggirl Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 (edited) I've never dated more than one guy at a time --not even for one overlapping date-- if I was looking for something serious. When I was feeling ready for a bf the last time...well, actually my bf is the first guy I met! And I certainly did NOT keep looking! If he'd disappeared after a few dates, I'd have started over. I don't multi date though. One at a time. Edited March 30, 2014 by veggirl
Weezy1973 Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 I've only dated one person at a time (as long as you don't count the initial OLD coffee date meetup as dating someone) and I definitely fall into the "not interested in casual sex" category. In fact, I can honestly say that an emotional connection turns me on sexually. The two are definitely connected. Also, with my current girlfriend, we met through eHarmony, and I did not fall head over heels on our first date. She did check a lot of boxes for what I was looking for long term, so I asked her out again. And now, three months later, I am absolutely crazy about her and excited about a possible future together. We went on our first road trip together and it was non-stop laughing and teasing and lots and lots of sex....
tlegend Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 In fact, I would suggest that if you're deciding that someone is a fantastic and perfect partner for you when you barely know the person, you're mistaking infatuation for love, and you're building a relationship on shifting sand rather than a solid foundation. This is so true. I didn't read this thread, I arrived at this particular post through other means. However, I just wanted to quote you and thank you for this, as this is a very powerful message that shouldn't be taken lightly, especially with the abundance of online daters in this generation. I personally think online dating is stupid. Such a gamble, and I have to pay everytime... (Chivalry isn't dead!)
kodakgirl Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 I'm very much a one-person-at-a-time kind of girl. I mean, I guess I've never actually tested it since I feel lucky to meet one person a year who I like enough to date and who likes me back, and I can't imagine having two guys at once who I even kind of like who kind of like me back, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't feel any different. I'm not romantically interested or I'm REALLY romantically interested from date 1. I felt crazy about my ex from date 1 (that wasn't even a "date" per se), and didn't stop feeling that way for three years, despite lots of difficult times. We were exceptionally compatible and he was a really wonderful person, so I pretty much lucked out in my first "crazy from the start" experience. I don't know if that's been a good or bad precedent. I dated a guy this summer where I had the same feeling-- from the first date I felt I just "knew". If anything it felt even more intense and more "right" than with my ex. It was really, really great until about 10 weeks in when he told me he "wasn't looking for a relationship right now". It's taken me eight months to get over those 10 weeks. I'm never going to multi-date-- I don't like the idea and I'm not like that. But I kind of don't want to feel so much on the first date as I have before... it can be really great or it can be brutal, and I don't know anymore if the hope for the former is worth risking the latter.
ponchsox Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 I don't multi date. I either continue to date one person or I move on. I only want to put my time into something I think is worth pursuing for the long term, even if the relationship is only short term.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 Only tried multi-dating once in my life, and it felt all wrong to me. I don't see it happening again. Every guy I've had a relationship with made his desire to be exclusive very clear early on.
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