phillymatson Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 had a fight with my girlfriend of a year and a half. we don't argue or fight much. it was about her flirting with a guy this is texts i sent after a call me: please answer her: i have nothing to say to you me: come on me:answer the phone kelly me: damnit come on me: im not even that mad her: you are annoying me me: because you wnt answer her: i blocked your number me: why? im done calling her: have fun at work me: ill stop by tonight and we can talk this out her: maybe me: if you care as much as you say, you would (few hours later) me: soooo you still hate me? ( no reply) 11 ish me: ill be by 1130 her: im in bed night me: im over earlier her: ok thats good for you me: sooo? today me: i work tonight come over tommorow? her: proabably not i have my cousin coming me: ok, well when e gonna talk this out her: i dont know few hours later me: listen im sorry about yesterday. i got upset and said things i shouldnt have. im sorry me: ignoring me wont help the problem ok? her: im busy me: ill just see ya wednesday did i come off as clingy? im teh type of perosn that wants to squash the problem right away
Author phillymatson Posted March 30, 2014 Author Posted March 30, 2014 Yep. This is bad. Not more taking to her. what was so bad?
pickflicker Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 what was so bad? You sounded completely unhinged. One unanswered reply and you went nuts. When a reply goes unanswered, you stop. And wait. And see if they respond. She flirted with a guy. Everyone flirts. It doesn't mean that they're going to cheat.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 I dont think theres anything wrong with it.. u have been together a year and a half and u had a fight... dont worry about it x she will be in touch when she's calmed down x
AntiSocal Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 You're giving her too much power in the relationship. You care too much. Its ok to care but its bad to show it. Ignore her completely for at least a week. Make her be the one thats blowing up your phone begging to talk. When she asks why you ignored her? Say you just wanted to give her some time to cool off since she was obviously so upset. And from now on make sure shes the one chasing you. She should be the one calling, she should be the one texting, she should be the one starting arguments. If you see her flirting and you don't like it? Laugh it off and go flirt with a chick. Don't ever let her see you sweat bro. Keep your composure.
Stay Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 You're giving her a lot of control in this situation. You got mad, then said you're wrong and sorry because things aren't going your way. It should've just been a "I want to talk when you're ready" and that's it in my opinion. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Yes, you came across as clingy. It was too much. I understand her lack of a response was frustrating, but you didn't do anything to help the situation by blowing up her phone. She isn't replying to you. Take a hint and give her space. Out of curiosity, what was the argument about, excactly? You said she flirted with another guy. Can you elaborate? Her pulling away may have a lot more to do with your reaction to that, rather than you bombarding her with messages and calls.
soccerrprp Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 You took the weaker stance on this. I mean, it sounded like you were the one who did something wrong and were doing the apologizing when it was your gf who flirted with another guy. It also sounds like you blew up on her prior to these texts. You started off by being apologetic and telling her that "i'm not even that mad." Really?
mema1982 Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 first i have to say that you're baaaaad at this stuff (sorry)!!!!! and yeah you were clingy no doubt about that. 1. If she was flirting with a guy how the hell did you make yourself the victim here!!!!!!!!!! really don't get you?? 2. never chase her (especially when you're not the victim) give her time to miss you 3. you should always put yourself in the victim side (just like she did to you even though she's the problem here) !!! 4. know this THE BEST DEFENSE IS ATTACKING ok !!!! 5. If you remain like you r now u will lose here (no woman is attracted to weak man) GHANGE IT ASAP
Sweetnothing Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Yeah you sound clingy as hell. By repeatedly messaging someone who CLEARLY doesn't want to talk you just look desperate. Next time, shut your phone off, stick it in a drawer, and go do ANYTHING else.
Author phillymatson Posted March 30, 2014 Author Posted March 30, 2014 Damn. I wasn't trying to be. I'm just the type that hates waiting around for it to end. I just want to talk it out right away
Zahara Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Damn. I wasn't trying to be. I'm just the type that hates waiting around for it to end. I just want to talk it out right away It's fine that you want to talk it out right away but why the need to beg and plead? And when another person doesn't want to talk right away, let them be. Just because you resolve that way, it doesn't mean that the other has to as well. You just showed her how she can cripple you and I think while she was turned off by your behavior, it also gave her some sick satisfaction to see you grovel. Seemed like you got a good gaslighting. She went off track and you took the blame for it in the end. What you did was unattractive and weak. The next time, if you feel strongly about something, don't compromise until you have a chance to discuss it in full length with the other. And when someone isn't ready to discuss it, don't shove it down their throat. 1
J21 Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Even with the 1.5 year relationship slack, you sounded desperate and clingy man. U were the one that was wronged and somehow you're the one apologizing? How the hell? It takes TWO people to communicate, obviously she didn't want to communicate with you at that time, yet you kept trying to force that square into that circle. Best to let her cool off next time.
Author phillymatson Posted March 30, 2014 Author Posted March 30, 2014 It's fine that you want to talk it out right away but why the need to beg and plead? And when another person doesn't want to talk right away, let them be. Just because you resolve that way, it doesn't mean that the other has to as well. You just showed her how she can cripple you and I think while she was turned off by your behavior, it also gave her some sick satisfaction to see you grovel. Seemed like you got a good gaslighting. She went off track and you took the blame for it in the end. What you did was unattractive and weak. The next time, if you feel strongly about something, don't compromise until you have a chance to discuss it in full length with the other. And when someone isn't ready to discuss it, don't shove it down their throat. So i look pathetic and weak? Ugh... I don't know. I'm a fighte . I can't stand just sitting back
J21 Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 So i look pathetic and weak? Ugh... I don't know. I'm a fighte . I can't stand just sitting back You weren't fighting for anything. You were imposing your will of "wanting to talk it out right away" on to her. 1
smackie9 Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 You need to learn to give a person their space, especially when it comes to a disagreement. Walk away and have a cooling down period so when the emotions/tempers have time to settle down, you both will be able to properly address the issue.
Zahara Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 So i look pathetic and weak? Ugh... I don't know. I'm a fighte . I can't stand just sitting back It has nothing to do with being a fighter. You're using that to justify your weak behavior. If the other party is not ready to talk, you say, "When you are ready to discuss this, let me know. We need to get this resolved." Done. Period. You don't beg and plead. When you beg and plead you don't come off as a fighter in their eyes, you come of as annoying, weak and desperate. "Can't stand just sitting back" got you a whole lot of nothing and made you look worse instead of just being patient, communicating when it was time to find a resolution. You became clingy because you became insecure. It was not about being a fighter.
veggirl Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 wait so she did something wrong (assuming you guys aren't okay w/ flirting with others) and yet you are the one chasing her down to work things out? no no no. why?????????
Febreze Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 had a fight with my girlfriend of a year and a half. we don't argue or fight much. it was about her flirting with a guy this is texts i sent after a call me: please answer her: i have nothing to say to you me: come on me:answer the phone kelly me: damnit come on me: im not even that mad her: you are annoying me me: because you wnt answer her: i blocked your number me: why? im done calling her: have fun at work me: ill stop by tonight and we can talk this out her: maybe me: if you care as much as you say, you would (few hours later) me: soooo you still hate me? ( no reply) 11 ish me: ill be by 1130 her: im in bed night me: im over earlier her: ok thats good for you me: sooo? today me: i work tonight come over tommorow? her: proabably not i have my cousin coming me: ok, well when e gonna talk this out her: i dont know few hours later me: listen im sorry about yesterday. i got upset and said things i shouldnt have. im sorry me: ignoring me wont help the problem ok? her: im busy me: ill just see ya wednesday did i come off as clingy? im teh type of perosn that wants to squash the problem right away UGH these were the kinds of guys I had to deal with in my younger years. I couldn't stand them! Always so desperate to see you like they had no life.
Author phillymatson Posted March 30, 2014 Author Posted March 30, 2014 So what do I do now. Let her contact me
J21 Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 I'm beating myself up now Don't. It doesn't solve anything. You had good intention, but it just wasn't the right time or delivery. The ball is on her court.
preraph Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 She doesn't like your fighter personality and isn't going to let you bully her into engaging with you that way. You need to start by just respecting that she's said no and leave her alone. I will never understand people who keep pestering someone who has just said "I've blocked you." What on earth do you hope to gain?
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