alr85 Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 (edited) Rewind to a year and a half ago. I met a really great man when I went out with a friend who was in town. Before I met him, we were happy and I felt really great about myself. Me and this guy hit it off really fast and things were really intense. He was great to my child, great to me and was always going out of his way to show us that he loved us both. This made me feel comfortable about him moving in after 7 months even though I'm kicking myself in the butt now. He moved into my very small townhome. He was a drinker to begin with but once he moved in, his drinking increased to 4 nights a week and it wasn't just a few beers.. it is drinking until he's totally hammered. I can tell that he became depressed and he stopped wanting to come home. Life with a child and a new puppy was way more stressful than he expected. I feel bad because I wasn't very understanding at the time that he went from having as much freedom as he wanted to squeezing into a 1200 sq. ft. home with a baby and a lab puppy. It's like he immediately was pushed into a father role (not because of me but because it is naturally how my child began to see him). Through all of this he was still very good to her. The sex between us stopped as well as the showing me that he cared. His work requires him to work on the weekends and he is a HUGE football fan and devotes his Sundays to football.. which I tried to be understanding about but I began to hate football when he was already giving us so little of his time. It's like we had become married and he began resenting us. After the sex stopped, I started nit-picking at him. The sad part is that when he did start trying harder to give me what I needed after a big talk, I still nit-picked at him and pushed him away. Ultimately, his bachelor-esque choices and my neurotic nagging, we both decided he needed to move out. Then 2 days before he was set to do so though, I changed my mind and promised him I could change and had a really yucky, weak, let's face it pathetic moment and begged him to stay. Since then we've only had minimal contact regarding the dog that he took with and is now getting rid or (or has gotten rid of). I'm being respectful of his time and I'm not going to contact him. However, it's sad because when he left, he told me that he really loves me and my daughter. It's sad because we didn't break up for lack of love. We just moved too fast and it drove us apart. My question for you, while I know you will only be able to give me a shot in the dark answer, is this save-able in the future? Have you ever seen a couple bounce back from this? I'm not going to dwell on him. I will date if the situation arises. I just want to know.. if we get in touch in a few months, is it something that can be spared? Do you think he hates me? He still has some stuff on my porch that he needs to get and he has my daughter's car seat in his car. We will have to meet at some point. Is he hanging onto those things for a reason? He could dump them on my front porch at any time. He could grab his stuff off the porch at any time. When we did talk a few weeks ago (it ended very badly) I asked if we would ever see each other again and he said maybe some day down the road. He called me drunk after the superbowl (he doesn't remember I'm guessing) He was calling me baby and babe. I know he misses us He said we will talk again and when I suggested us trying again down the road he told me it won't matter.. things won't change. His family has gotten in touch with me and told me how angry they are with him and that hopefully after some time of being selfish, he'll realize what he left behind but that he needs to realize how important we are before we try again otherwise it will be the same cycle. I know some of you will say I shouldn't want him back but the unfortunate fact is that I do want him back. I miss him My daughter misses him. Will time help? Update: I wrote the post above 2 months ago. Since then we have only been in contact a few times. He took our dog. He called me one night a few weeks ago telling me he couldn't handle her anymore with his work schedule so he had to drop her off to my house. When he dropped her off, he told me thanks for taking care of her and then patted her on the head and told her bye girl. He looked so sad. When he walked out the door I said "wait" He looked at me and said I can't, I have to go. When he got home he texted me and said he was sorry about the way he left but he's so bummed about how everything turned out. Since then he texted me for a whole weekend asking about the dog. At some point in there I had sent him an email telling him that even though life is good, it feels unnatural without him and I missed him. Whenever we've talked, he's been short but respectful. I know he's hurting. Then the weekend after that he texted me that he missed me and my daughter and hoped we were well.I texted him a few days later asking if he wanted to meet up for coffee and he texted me some bull**** short response. I called him out on it and told him it wasn't fair for him to say that he misses me and then be so cold and short with me when i try to have a conversation. He said "We are different people. We don't have anything in common and it just didn't feel right anymore. I'm sorry and I won't text you again." That stung like a b*tch. I know his message is loud and clear but I can't help but wonder if when the smoke clears he will remember how great things used to be. I know I need to move on, and I really have. I've gone on dates and my life with my daughter is good and full. I just can't help but feel like we're not really over but his pride is keeping him away. We haven't spoken in 20 days. I know no one here is a mind reader but have you seen anything like this ever end in reconciliation? I'm not crazy or a stalker. I've made peace in my heart. I just miss him, genuinely miss him. I'm not looking to jump into a relationship again. I just want him to be a part of my life again even if its in a different capacity. When will he stop hating me? When will he be able to have a conversation with me that consists of more than 2 words Edited March 30, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs and personal information
bluegreen Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 (edited) Am gonna apologize for stopping reading at he is drinker he gets hammered 4 nights a week. You have admirable job am sure lovely child your own place and cute puppy. Where in the name of all holly does he fit in there "no where" sweetie. You love him in few years you would end up hating him and despising yourself if you would be lucky enough IF not to loose yourself your place your job your daughter and god knows what else. Are you ready for all of that cause its gonna happen he is alcoholic he needs AAA professional help and Medical Help he is having and will go on having life long illness. Miss him love him but if you love what you have now and worked so hard to get stay away .... Edited March 30, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Response to edited content.
Author alr85 Posted March 30, 2014 Author Posted March 30, 2014 (edited) I'm not claiming he's perfect. He needs help. A lot of help. He is not only struggling with depression, but has the propensity to be an alcoholic. He can go without alcohol for long periods of time. His parents were in town for 3 weeks in December and he didn't drink even once. He uses it to loosen up because he has so much anxiety. Yes, warning signs. These are things he recognizes but hasn't been strong enough to tackle. I'm not so jaded by loving him that I can't recognize that being with him comes with risk. I'm not even sure I want to be in a relationship with him again. I just want him to be in my life. Edited March 30, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator References to redacted text removed.
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