thecrucible Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 I'm not someone who's terribly decisive in dating. I don't trust my own instincts and I'm a terrible judge of character. I try and give everyone a chance and I end up stringing people along without meaning to. How many dates should you go on before you know whether you want to pursue a relationship with that person? I find that I struggle overcoming uncertainty and I have to feel absolutely certain before I go anywhere with anyone. I've been seeing a guy, gone on about 6 dates but still don't feel a spark. I feel bad about that. I want to reform myself and become a more genuine person. I used to date multiple people at a time (no sex involved) but I don't want to do that anymore because it hasn't gone down well with men I was seeing. I don't like the idea of getting into a relationship with some uncertainty about my feelings towards someone. I was in a relationship with someone for 3 years who I wasn't really into to start with. No matter how hard I tried, I was just living I lie and my feelings never increased. This makes me more cautious and afraid of trying something with someone else in case I hurt them. And men, do you prefer to have a woman be up front and straight with you? I want to be more genuine and straight to the point/no games but I've found that some men can't handle it so it puts me off. I don't want to come across as arrogant but I also don't want to waste anyone's time. So basically, how can I be more decisive?
shet Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Not entirely sure what you're asking here. If the girl I'm dating isn't actually interested, I wouldn't really expect her to actually continue dating me, she'd just stop seeing me. If she wanted to be nice she'd say I'm a nice guy but she's not feeling it, etc. Sad for me but we get over it right? By genuine you mean... honest about not being into someone? OK, to not lead them on. Well, you just do it. Doesn't have to be a date limit. Clearly some guys will put you off day one, others will take longer. Hell some people marry and only figure out he was an ass months later. It can take a little time, different situations, to see the unlikeable aspects emerge. What I would say is that if the primary reason is not that you aren't already sure you're not into him but actually that you don't want to upset him because they "can't handle it"... that is an attitude that's got to go. They can handle it. I can handle it and I'm a fragile man. Handling it is part of the whole process, those who truly can't handle it are the lifelong bachelors and spinsters.
Author thecrucible Posted March 30, 2014 Author Posted March 30, 2014 Not entirely sure what you're asking here. If the girl I'm dating isn't actually interested, I wouldn't really expect her to actually continue dating me, she'd just stop seeing me. If she wanted to be nice she'd say I'm a nice guy but she's not feeling it, etc. Sad for me but we get over it right? By genuine you mean... honest about not being into someone? OK, to not lead them on. Well, you just do it. Doesn't have to be a date limit. Clearly some guys will put you off day one, others will take longer. Hell some people marry and only figure out he was an ass months later. It can take a little time, different situations, to see the unlikeable aspects emerge. What I would say is that if the primary reason is not that you aren't already sure you're not into him but actually that you don't want to upset him because they "can't handle it"... that is an attitude that's got to go. They can handle it. I can handle it and I'm a fragile man. Handling it is part of the whole process, those who truly can't handle it are the lifelong bachelors and spinsters. Thank you for advice. I guess I just want a long time to figure out whether I'm into someone but I don't know how long is realistic. With the current guy, I know that I should like him because he's a good guy but I try and I can't. It's like I like him enough as a person and as a friend but not enough to date. I'm trying to shift my view now. It's not that I dislike his personality. I do like his personality but I told him I wasn't sure if I was interested in a relationship. The time we kissed it didn't feel right, and I quickly pulled away. I have slipped away from a few of his moves since. He has now told me he really wants to be my boyfriend and to think about it. Anyway thank you. I don't know what I'm asking either really. Guess I need to bite the bullet and be straight with people. Don't know why I find that difficult but since guys in the past have taken me for a ride, I don't want to do that to anyone myself. Maybe I will one step at a time work on being straight up with people until I gain more confidence in that.
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