Disillusioned Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 I went to a different kind of meetup last night, something called "dating adv1ce", hosted by a very smart and very knowledgeable guy whose speed dating events I've attended before. What I really wanted to find out was whether any of what this guy says stacks up for asexuals too. Well, basically everything he said is true (you can't be a selfish person if you want to date, forget about OLD unless you look like a movie star, if you don't know what you want then you need to write out a list but for God's sake don't bring it along on dates, some guys just don't get why they should never grope their dates, etc etc)... and wouldn't you know it, a lot of the things he said are pretty much the opposite of what a lot of LSers will tell you. No wonder so many LSers say they crash and burn on dates and can't figure out why!!! But at the end of the thing, I realized there are at least 2 dynamics which are very different for the asexual crowd: 1. for asexuals, sex just isn't part of the picture, i.e. no prize in the bottom of the cereal box. Asexual men are going to be looking to score emotional bonding. 2. At any asexual meetup, it's going to be 3 or 4 women for every man. To men, this might sound like winning the lottery, except the roles are reversed---it's the women who have to do the pursuing because they have to compete against each other for male attention (unless of course it's an all-lesbian or all-gay meetup). I told the host so when everyone was socializing after he was done speaking... he said he found my experiences very eye-opening. So I guess both he and I came away having learned something new.
shet Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 I'd be interested to hear what he said that people here would disagree with.
pickflicker Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 "Forget online dating unless you look like a movie star". Bollocks!
topaMAXX Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 "Forget online dating unless you look like a movie star". Bollocks! "Bollocks" for you because you're a woman. OLD is very easy for you. For men, this is good advice and 100% true. 1
Author Disillusioned Posted March 30, 2014 Author Posted March 30, 2014 (edited) "Forget online dating unless you look like a movie star". Bollocks! You're just saying that because people in the UK take OLD seriously. Here in the States, most of us don't take OLD seriously. BTW the dating meetup host was born in AU and migrated to the US from the UK 11 years ago when he was in his late 20s, so I think it's safe to say he knows what he's talking about. Edited March 30, 2014 by Disillusioned
ThatMan Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 You don't have to listen to him and give up. There's still the opportunity to put yourself out there and appearances or sexuality won't change that. Just take things one day at a time and try to enjoy yourself.
Author Disillusioned Posted March 30, 2014 Author Posted March 30, 2014 You don't have to listen to him and give up. Who said anything about giving up? If the rules of the game make it impossible for you to win, start playing by a different set of rules. 1
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