Really into this girl in my class (College) [update]

[tekkenfan2]

Hey everyone! I'm new here

So she's a 21yr old Cancer

 

So I walk into my class when school begins this semester and see this girl, she's cute I'm like eh maybe I'll talk to her. So I go home later and I'm on Okcupid (yes lame I know lol) and I kid you not this girl is in my potential match list with a high compatibility rating. So I read her profile and see she's into some of the same things I am (ex. Anime) so I msg her on Okcupid and she reads it but doesnt reply (I have never talked to her in real life at this point and my message wasnt the greatest so I could understand why haha) Anyway, so we go back to school the next week and I get her number by borrowing her notes, after a few classes I start walking her to her next class everyday.

 

So fast forward: Known her for a lil over 2 months I've asked her to hang out once or twice but she is REALLY studious so between that and activities w/ roommates/other friends she is usually busy and cant. (However she always tells me in advance if she doesnt think she can and tells me in detail why she cant) We have hung out like 2 times now (sitting down and talking) when I give her back her book or we both just are free at school, not something planned though

I also got her flowers on valentine's day and she got me a gift bag, a card, and some candy lol. (I had told her I got her something the night before, so she got my gifts the morning of)

 

So this results in me only talking to her over text and while I walk her to class. She has told me she isnt blowing me off, I do believe her because she is honest with me so I have no reason not to. One the most recent occasion I was even like if you don't wanna hang out its cool (to see what she says) and she is like I really want to so bad, but something always comes up! (This is pretty much verbatim)

One time I hung out with her and her friend that has class w/ us (another girl, also a good friend and her roommate) and the friend asks me how old I am and the girl I like says you asked me that already to her, starts a pretty funny exchange of "no you didn't" lol

I've done nice gestures towards her like one time we hung out and I had to pay for her to ship something small cuz the place didnt take credit card, Her phone charger got a short and I gave her mine and took hers (she was telling me a new one was going to be expensive and was sending her out of her way, this was on a day we were supposed to hang out later, but didnt) one day it was looking rainy so I gave her my umbrella.

 

Yesterday we hung out for 2 hrs (not planned, she was supposed to be doing schoolwork, I just told her I wanted to talk to her after her classes) and just talked. Sp we start talking about relationships we talked about relationships and she was saying she doesn't think you can have a serious relationship in college because of time constraints, both people not putting the same amount of work in, people moving because of graduate school/jobs and getting separated etc. So I asked her if she has any experience and she said a little, but she's never been in a serious relationship, I tell her I have been in one, but you can make it work if both people really want to. So I tell her I like her but if she just wants to be friends that is cool also and she doesn't respond, doesnt blush or look upset, no body language of any sort to read, not that I saw anyway but the conversation continues so she lets me walk her home and I'm like so you didnt say anything when I told you I liked you and she is like well I dont really know...we pretty much only talk over text (Implying she doesnt know me that well yet I assume) and I'm like well I'm not asking you to be my girlfriend right now, I just wanna clear the air so I'm not over here catching feelings. I also tell her we only talk over text because you are always busy and she is like I know, I wasn't saying it was anyones fault. I live off campus, and she doesnt so I think a small part of us not chilling often is she doesn't want to send me out of my way, and she usually does school work during the day and unwinds at night, she has mentioned this once.

Signs come up at some point in the convo and she says that she feels like a lot of the cancer stuff she reads applies to her, and I'm like I always wanna jump right into stuff and she is like that is terrifying. I explain to her, I usually examine these circumstances before I jump in, but I try not to hesitate because thats how you miss out on good opportunities, which she agrees is true.

 

While we are walking I explain to her that I'm going to start hanging out with friends that live on campus so if shes is free (she chills at night usually) she can let me know so we can hang out. Also when we are at her doorstep (I'm graduating this semester and she has another year) she asks me if I'm moving away after I graduate and I'm like nope (I have a job right now), so I'm trying to find a better one in the area, I'm gonna be here while I transition.

 

So I'm wondering whats next I'm pretty sure she likes me to some extent but I dont know what to do next.

 

Thanks for reading all this!

Edited March 30, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merged threads

[Tayken]

OP.....don't know if you've heard this saying "don't crap where you work"?

[topaMAXX]

OP.....don't know if you've heard this saying "don't crap where you work"?

 

The correct phrase is "don't sh*t where you eat" and OP isn't doing that because it's just a college class, not a career job.

 

OP, have you tried to kiss her yet?

[tekkenfan2]

No I haven't but we don't have that much physical contact going on anyway. (Gonna work on that)

It just hasn't felt right yet, she is kinda shy with personal stuff so I don't wanna offend her or scare her off

Edited March 30, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Thread edited

[warrenorabbits]

Actions speak a lot louder than words. Girls will tell you one thing to not hurt your feelings, but if they act "not interested" you have to go by how they act. Remember that with this one.

 

She seems at least somewhat interested, BUT I don't really think there's a future for you two. Sorry to bring you that news. I say this because, even if she likes you a little bit, you seem like someone who needs a lot of TLC from your significant other (that's not a bad thing; I'm the same way). She's clearly not willing or able to give that to you -- again, not assigning blame as much as stating facts -- and even if you do get into a relationship that will be a real point of contention.

 

It's perfectly okay to be friends with someone you're attracted to. Why not start looking for other women? At some point this girl may even be able to help you on your search.

[tekkenfan2]

I think a lot of what your saying is right, (I def do love TLC lol) but I think she is still feeling me out, so potentially she can make more time if we actually start dating.

Because if I had asked her to hang out on Friday in advance for all I know she may have been like she was too busy, but yet I just told her I wanted to talk and we hung out for 2 hrs so idk, I wanna give it some more time before I throw in the towel. I also wanna see if her behavior changes since I came out and told her I like her.

 

I she def has the potential to be the girl I match really well with, so I don't wanna give up on that too fast.

 

Thanks for everything so far!

 

Keep the advice coming!

Edited March 30, 2014 by tekkenfan2

[patrol]

I agree with Warren.

 

First of all DO NOT TRY TO KISS HER PLEASE.

 

Second I don't think she's romantically interested in you (sorry):

 

1. "so I msg her on Okcupid and she reads it but doesnt reply"

 

Rejection 1. Also not very polite imo but I'm not familiar with online dating.

 

2. "I've asked her to hang out once or twice but she is REALLY studious so between that and activities w/ roommates/other friends she is usually busy and cant. (However she always tells me in advance if she doesnt think she can and tells me in detail why she cant)"

 

Nice way of saying "I'm not interested". Also people tend to be more detailed when they lie.

 

3. "I hung out with her and her friend that has class w/ us"

 

Friendzoned? ><

 

4. "she was saying she doesn't think you can have a serious relationship in college because of time constraints"

 

Again trying to say nicely that she doesn't want to have a relationship... with you...

 

5. "when I told you I liked you and she is like well I dont really know"

 

Doesn't want to hurt you and say no to your face.

 

//

 

I hope I'm not coming across as a complete a**hole. I want to help you. Idk about you but I wish girls actually said "no I don't like you" so we wouldn't have to guess.

 

Next time, you can pretty much tell if a girl is interested the first time you ask her on a date. If she says no, she's busy and doesn't make a counter offer herself(suggest a different time) then she most likely doesn't like you. If you really want to make sure then ask her again in a week.

 

Also, buying her stuff is actually counter productive before you actually start dating. Girls see it as you needing to buy their affection which is a huge turnoff.

 

I'd say either just stay friends and stop trying to court her or stop being proactive in maintaining the relationship. My guess is she won't come running back.

 

Best of luck.

[tekkenfan2]

Okay so if you havent read my old thread and want background:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/469341-really-into-girl-my-class-college

 

Prob necessary to understand the situation

 

So by the end of that thread I still was like maybe she likes me and she'll come around. I keep trying but since easter (the 20th) I'm like w.e. this isnt going anywhere, we'll just be friends so I stop texting her.

 

 

Since then she has texted me when I missed class to let me know whats going on (not surprising) and then went the extra mile to text me another time to ask if I had turned in an assignment. I still walk her to class and stuff, but besides that I make no attempt to reach out to her. I talk to her in class sometimes still, but I dont try to ask her to chill or compliment her or anything like that anymore.

 

Now she has texted me first (Barely did this before and said herself she usually doesn't do it) like 2 times in 3 days (saturday evening and tonight around 11pm) The text tonight was asking me how my project was coming along (she isnt in my group) and Saturday she just asked what was up, on saturday I stopped texting her in the middle of the convo because I felt like doing it lol (she does this to me) so I was extra surprised when she texted me tonight.

She hasnt been flirty (that would be extremely out of character tho she is a shy girl) or anything but I just found it weird that she wants to talk to me enough to hit me up first all of a sudden.

I'm still a lil into her and would give her a chance, but I just wanna know what yall think, not trying to get hopes up for no reason

Edited April 29, 2014 by tekkenfan2

[tekkenfan2]

Well I told her I liked her like a month ago and she basically was like I dont know you that well yet.

 

Shes cool so I wouldnt mind just being friends with her. I already had kinda put her out of my head as a possibility so I'm just wondering if shes interested now or am I misreading her

[tekkenfan2]

Lol, you don't seem to understand

If I'm no longer pursuing her then I'm going to pursue other girls. I already gave up on her and I'm just surprised she seems to be interested now. I see no problem in being her friend, I'm just trying to see if she is showing interest.

Edited April 29, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Assasda]

Dont be serious with her. Have fun with her.

 

Thing is you are too serious, and intemidating and that turns her off, Let loose

[tekkenfan2]

Maybe, that makes sense tho

[sagetalk]

Trying to date her is almost certainly a waster of time. However, if she knows other girls, you are in good shape. See if she will set you up with one of her friends.

[Woop1337]

Too much rationalization on your part, for this girl's uninterested behavior. She's not flirty, because she's shy? She can't hang out, because she's studious and busy? C'mon man, has it ever occurred to you that she doesn't like you like that?

 

She's texts you something class related, etc. You equate that to "she must like me, she texted first". Get in touch with reality. You were out of the game as early as when she didn't respond to your okc message. Everything from now and that time was a waste of time.

[tekkenfan2]

So yeah after class today she was like hey, I'm free this weekend if you wanna hang out.

 

Gonna see how this goes

[NYC-BigKat]

So yeah after class today she was like hey, I'm free this weekend if you wanna hang out.

 

Gonna see how this goes

 

Um...maybe she only likes u as a friend & is afraid that u might be mad with her so she's trying to make things better u know. I had girls do that to me & they never wanted to date me .

[tekkenfan2]

I already asked her out before and she was busy (according to her). I don't think its a friendly gesture cuz I've still been cordial with her in class, I just don't text her at all and am generally less interested in her overall. I haven't been shunning her to the point she should feel she has to regain friendship but hey, I could be wrong. We'll see

 

Also I don't agree that it is impossible to get out of the friend zone, but whether all the trouble it is is worth it or not is another discussion.

 

Keep in mind I'm not going to be able to translate every single thing that happens into text and post it here, so not every positive sign is gonna be in text, but rest assured, ill keep y'all posted lol. I stopped putting effort into this girl so if she wants something the ball is in her court

Edited May 1, 2014 by tekkenfan2