TBM Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 She works in a local restaurant. She is one of those tough exterior but you can tell there is a big heart and an old soul inside. I stopped in for lunch one day last week an I overheard her tell the girl she was training that I'm the "sweetest" guy ever. Now maybe that was just talk or whatever but she makes me smile and gets me nervous. So .... my goofy idea was to go in early one day and have roses with a card delivered after I get there. That would be my method of asking her out. On the one hand, I think she's a bit of a romantic but is that too much and do I risk ticking her off? Worried. I was married for 15 years. This is not my best area. Thanks!
FitChick Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Just because she said you were sweet doesn't mean she is romantically interested. What do you know about her personal life? Married? Living with guy? Boyfriend? Bad idea to give a woman flowers unless you've been dating a while and know she likes you as much as you like her. Otherwise it's just awkward. 3
Author TBM Posted March 30, 2014 Author Posted March 30, 2014 She is single. I totally get the "awkward" comment. Think I'm just gonna have to suck it up and ask her to get a drink or maybe dinner. That is if I don't hyperventilate first. Thanks!
d0nnivain Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 It's a little over the top & would play better on a reality TV show but it's not the worst idea I have ever heard. Can you afford to eat the costs of delivered roses if it doesn't work? My big Q; does she know your name? If not don't do it until she does because even if she wants to say yes, she won't know how / who.
Author TBM Posted March 30, 2014 Author Posted March 30, 2014 She does know my name. In fact, I joked with her one day that if she ever finds a new job, she needs to keep me informed. She wrote her number down on a coaster and said, "I'm not going anywhere but now you can find me just in case." She's a tough one to read. Kind of aloof but volunteered a phone number. I have thought about telling her I need to send her a text so she has mine.
angel.eyes Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Sorry, but that's not tough to read. Waitresses and women who work in restaurants don't normally volunteer their numbers to their customers. Since she gave you her phone number unprompted, call her! Ideally, you should have done so the day she gave it to you or the day after, but whatever...there's no time like the present.
mema1982 Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 UNLESS YOU WILL DO IT IN A SPONTANEOUS AND CONFIDENT WAY THEN DON'T there is a thin line between sweet guy that a woman sees in a romantic way then a sweet guy that looks pathetic and needy (noooot sexy at all!!!!!)
Author TBM Posted March 30, 2014 Author Posted March 30, 2014 Good stuff everybody. The time is coming. Confident sweet, not pathetic sweet, ok got it.
TB Rhine Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Do not buy her flowers, a Sweetest Day card, a nice scented candle, or ANYTHING of the kind until she's your girlfriend. In the meantime, ask her out on a date and see what she says. Saying you're "sweet" could mean "he seems like a great guy and I wish he'd ask me out already," OR it could mean "he follows me around like a little puppy dog and I just know I'm gonna have to break his heart one day." The tough exterior plus working as a waitress at her age (I assume she's somewhere near to being age-appropriate for you, and you must be in your thirties or forties at least if you were married for 15 years) is a big red flag to me. She could be divorced with kids, or unmarried with kids from multiple dudes, etc. Either way she's been around the block a time or two, and the factor linking all those times together is HER, not the evil guy you're imagining saving her from. The fact that you "really like" her is also cause for concern.
MidwestUSA Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 The tough exterior plus working as a waitress at her age (I assume she's somewhere near to being age-appropriate for you, and you must be in your thirties or forties at least if you were married for 15 years) is a big red flag to me. She could be divorced with kids, or unmarried with kids from multiple dudes, etc. Either way she's been around the block a time or two, and the factor linking all those times together is HER, not the evil guy you're imagining saving her from. WOW! How is it that you know so much more about this woman than OP does, including the fact she has an 'evil guy' in her life? All that judgement from the fact that she works as a waitress, WTF? OP, flowers are over the top, but you got her number. Ask her out. Good luck! 1
Author TBM Posted March 30, 2014 Author Posted March 30, 2014 TB, You always this much fun? I appreciate the warnings but think I'll keep the feel-good version of my story. Think I have a decent read here. 1
EvansR Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 The goofiest idea I can think of off the top of my head is to order, then tell her you'd like to order something for her to eat at the same time, and invite her to sit with you. When she says she can't eat with you because she's working, that's when you ask for a raincheck - she gives you her number, you've got the date. If she says she's not interested, just make light of the situation and continue with your order. I remember it from some terrible 90s romcom, so it must be good, haha. I wouldn't go with the card and roses, firstly, where's she gonna put them? She's at work. Secondly, if she's not interested, it's just gonna be awkward. Best of luck!
hasaquestion Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 (edited) UNLESS YOU WILL DO IT IN A SPONTANEOUS AND CONFIDENT WAY THEN DON'T there is a thin line between sweet guy that a woman sees in a romantic way then a sweet guy that looks pathetic and needy (noooot sexy at all!!!!!) Yep. Grand gestures are a high stakes game. Higher chance you sweep her off her feet than by asking for her #, but the flip side is a waaaay higher chance she's freaked out. OP, if that's a line you think you can toe (between creepy and cute), then do it. But if you have ANY doubt, don't do it. These things take 100% confidence. In that case just ask her if she'd like to get drinks or something of the sort. The goofiest idea I can think of off the top of my head is to order, then tell her you'd like to order something for her to eat at the same time, and invite her to sit with you. When she says she can't eat with you because she's working, that's when you ask for a raincheck - she gives you her number, you've got the date. If she says she's not interested, just make light of the situation and continue with your order. I remember it from some terrible 90s romcom, so it must be good, haha. I did something kind of like this once with a bank teller when I was depositing a check. Asked if I could put $40 in checking, and the rest in savings. Then asked her if she likes to drink. She said yes then I said make that 50 dollars in checking. The date ended up being a bit awkward (nothing in common) but it makes for a good story at least. Edited March 30, 2014 by hasaquestion Add 2nd quote
Imajerk17 Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 (edited) It boggles my mind why you Nice Guys insist upon these crazy romantic gestures for a girl you haven't even gone on a first date with yet. Watch too many rom-coms growing up? Tell her that you'd like to take her out and ask for her number. If she likes you she will go along. If she doesn't (or she isn't available) she won't, but flowers and poetry or whatever wouldn't have gotten her to say yes. (If anything they might creep her out.) Save the grand romantic gestures until you are in a relationship and you actually know the woman. Ya dig? Edited March 30, 2014 by Imajerk17
Author TBM Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 OK the flowers idea has officially been scrapped. Provided I don't pass out from anxiety, I'm shooting for the sweet confident ask with the best boyish grin I can muster.
KungFuJoe Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 OK the flowers idea has officially been scrapped. Provided I don't pass out from anxiety, I'm shooting for the sweet confident ask with the best boyish grin I can muster. Now we're talkin'.
TB Rhine Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 He's doomed. And yes, you're absolutely right... she's a waitress in her forties. I'm sure she's about to set the world on fire any day now.
Author TBM Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 He's doomed. And yes, you're absolutely right... she's a waitress in her forties. I'm sure she's about to set the world on fire any day now. She'd probably like you better. She's more like 35-36 I believe. 1
Gaeta Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 He's doomed. And yes, you're absolutely right... she's a waitress in her forties. I'm sure she's about to set the world on fire any day now. What's your problem with waitresses? And how special are you to be looking down on people like this? My mother was a waitress all her life till the age of 65. She worked her butt off to send the 4 of us kids to University. She is a strong woman with exemplary morality. These women work hard for their money! You would not spend a day in their shoes!
MidwestUSA Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 What's your problem with waitresses? And how special are you to be looking down on people like this? My mother was a waitress all her life till the age of 65. She worked her butt off to send the 4 of us kids to University. She is a strong woman with exemplary morality. These women work hard for their money! You would not LAST a day in their shoes! Fixed that for ya! 1
Author TBM Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 I don't care she's a CEO or a dishwasher, I want a sweet heart and a good soul. And super beautiful doesn't hurt.
TXGuy Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 I don't think it is a good idea to draw the entire restaurant's attention to you asking her out. It invites her co workers (and patrons) into her personal life... Who is it from, are you going to say yes or no? I agree with the 'rom com' comments. It works well there because the writers can script the romantic reaction in addition to the romantic guesture. You already have the universally recognized green light of an unsolicited phone number. Call her.
TB Rhine Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Nobody's looking down on anybody... just stating a fact. If a woman in her 30's has her sh*t together, she'll have moved up the chain at some point and be something other than a waitress. If she hasn't, it's because she's a problem employee or keeps jumping from job to job, OR she's got 3 kids from previous relationships, thus not having the time/energy to take on more responsibility. Either way you have to ask yourself if that's a ship you feel like jumping aboard.
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