Arcanum Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Hello lots of people. I am curious to know peoples opinions on trust. This seems to be a well established place of opinion and I'm struggling with something I would love to hear helpful opinions on. TRUST. That old chestnut. I am struggling with it right now and I see myself thinking and talking like a paranoid person with no real justification and wondered how people have dealt with this in their instances. I'm currently 6 months into a relationship with a man i have known for 2 and a half years. He is gentle and caring. Smart and funny. My daughter adores him and he seems to like her company. (Daughter from a previous relationship.) We have an age gap of 10 years. I am 34 and he is 25. This isn't really an issue to us (only when the paranoia comes in which I will elaborate on in a sec). We want the same things for our futures, we have similar moral outlooks and values and we fit together in lots of ways. I have no reason to distrust him. And yet I find myself worried to the point that I am upset very often. I'm pretty sure it's a common thing but I've been hurt in the past. I've been dumped out of the blue after being told I had nothing to be concerned about, twice in the last 5 years. One from a live in partner of 3 years that left on my daughters birthday with no warning and the second time but someone I was convinced would be the love of my life. My heartbreak was horrendous both times and both times I needed well over a year or two to even consider dating again. I went to a counselor and worked hard at being ok after both. Now I am in a new relationship. It has been more tumultuous than any before it. I didn't feel the head over heels giddy part at the start like usual but had a feeling it might be because I was just too wary. Now six months in I am feeling love and I'm also feeling scared. I'm hypervigilant and noticing all signs he may leave. I am feeling jealous of any potential female threat. I'm worried he will realise I am old and he could do better. I get teary and frustrated and sway between feeling good or wanting to pull away or feeling upset because I know my paranoia could in itself make me lose him. There is a part of my brain that is telling me he is good and warm and will be a good person to love and be loved by. Then there is another screaming at me that everyone lies and I need to protect myself. It's not just a naysayer, it tells me it cares for me and doesn't want me to hurt. It seems like an angel and a devil but actually it's two angels and hearing them both all of the time is very frustrating. He doesn't know what to do or say to help and I don't know if he could. I am aware this is happening because of my previous experience. I've had full on declarations of love and promises only to find they meant nothing. I am aware not everyone is the same. I am aware he has not done anything wrong. I see little signs of potential warnings and they drive me crazy. Am I being careful or am I being paranoid? I'm usually a very good judge of character but it all goes out of the window with a partner. I'm also very trusting and sometimes I wonder if i do trust and I'm just scared of what that means. My head is a mess and I feel as if no one is going to want to chance a relationship with a mess. There is a part of me that feels as if I am forever broken by too many heartbreaks and that I cannot love wholly again. I am hoping to hear that others have faced this and overcome it. Many thanks for reading.
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