Broken3112 Posted January 30, 2005 Posted January 30, 2005 I have broken up with my ex of 6 years for three weeks now. To cut a long story short, she cheated on me she broke up with me although we were on the virge of getting married(i.e we've talked about it, and both our familys were expecting it) and she is close to my family as I am to hers. She is now with the guy she cheated on me for. Our relationship was good, a little too comfortable but the last year went downhill, because I didnt take her out and slightly neglected her. She messaged me during NC on MSN twice to 'ask how i am' 'are you ok, i'm so sorry...blah blah" and once to ask about our shared bank account. Anyways, she still works for my mother and has lunches with my mom sometimes (I know, how messed is that?) And one day a girl(quite pretty) walked up to my mom and asked her if she was my mom and that she went to school with me when we were kids, and asked about some awards that I won and said that I should meet up with her sometime. During lunch with my ex one day, my mom told her about the encounter ...and my ex asked her name, and then realized she was a customer that she had dealt with before....so 1) She started saying "oh she has a round face right? chubby (defensive) and my mom's like no, no she's quite pretty.....and 2) my mom said she was visibly jealous and wanted to change the subject real badly. Now is the jealousy and indicator of my ex still caring and considering or is it just human nature to be jealous. Any thoughts?
littlelaxer Posted January 30, 2005 Posted January 30, 2005 In my opinion from a girls point of veiw she probably first wants to see if the girl is even good looking.........Girls are VERY mean when it comes to comparing looks. Second she probably doesnt want u to be with anyone better looking then her. Shes probably hoping deep down that this girl is a dog so she can feel better about herself. And she probabaly wanted to change the subject cause it bothered her very much and ur mom wasnt givin her the answers her wanted to hear which would of been "yeah shes huge!" and ur mom didnt, which i think is good! But i hope this girl is beautiful!!!
imokurnot Posted January 30, 2005 Posted January 30, 2005 Then call the other girl and ask the other girl out on three-way call. LOL She got jealous of someone asking about you? Good...She still has no idea, not 1,0909,098878 ths of an idea what you went/are going through. I'm in same boat as you in a way. 7 yr relationship same thing, cheated and she chose him. Thank God my mom doesn't work with her, well I have no mom so impossible but whatever. I am at almost 3 months now and it has been a rollercoaster, mostly downhill and bumby though. My ex gets jealous too. Sometimes i feel her getting close and being confused again and she evens says things like "My friends tell me they would be happy no matter who I chose. But I know they are just saying that." Since her new boyfriend is he best friend's cousin it doesn't take a genius to figure out what she means with that. Arrrgg! So yeah jealousy in a way means they don't want to share you or are still wondering about their decision. But even if that got to a point that they wanted to come back it would be totally based on the wrong thing. It would never work if they came back because of jealousy. As enticing as it is to go back or try again or think you want to, it is better not to worry about what they are thinking and what their actions mean. It only holds you back from moving on. When i say moving on I mean moving forward and that doesn't necessarily mean without this person or another chance. I just mean moving on and making yourself better, happier and more complete. That opens up all kinds of new possibilities. Including some old ones maybe as well. Even those old ones can then be completely different if they are viewed from your new perspective. Nobody wants to go back to them without a new perspective and new outlook. Well I know I don't anyway...Good luck to you in whatever ever it is you seek.
Barby Posted January 30, 2005 Posted January 30, 2005 I think she probably still cares, but cares in the sense that................. 1) she's afraid if YOU move on, she'll realize her "new" relationship isn't what she wants and if you've moved on, she won't have you to "fall back on" 2) Jealousy is normal for some women even when they're the dumper, the thought that you no longer "need her" or aren't "pining away" for her may make her think twice about the decision she's made...... 3) Or she may just really love you, been bored in the relationship despite her feelings for you, her feelings for self gratification were much stronger so instead of communicating her feelings to you and letting you know how she felt, she decided to seek something that she saw as "better" then once she found it, let you go...and feels hurt at the thought of you being with someone else, doesn't want you to do that even though she is?! In any case if I were you, I don't think I would consider why she's jealous, she didn't care enough when she had you. I say, move on, go out with the girl who was asking about you......see where things go....at least take your mind of the ex for a bit and even if it doesn't go "anywhere" at least you can have a nice time with someone who's still into you!
Author Broken3112 Posted January 31, 2005 Author Posted January 31, 2005 Wow, thanks guys...those are some good thoughts you brought up. Well, at the most at least it makes me feel a little better that she is jealous...the 'someone to fall back on' theory that Barby mention makes sense...especially that this is the girl who when left me said "Oh, maybe our paths will cross again.....do you want to set a date?"....i mean that really set a seed inside me to wait....dont know if she meant it strategically, tried to make it easier or what not....oh well....thanks for the replies...
Universe Posted January 31, 2005 Posted January 31, 2005 Deep down she knows you won't wait forever. So don't. I agree with everything Barby said. I would add that she disrespected you by cheating on you. So you need to show yourself the respect that she didn't and move on. Ask this other girl out. Ask a lot of girls out. I know 6 years is hard to turn your back on. I'm in the process on turning my back on 5 beautiful years with the girl I'm sure was the love of my life. Go live a full life on your own. If it's a good life, many girls will want to share it with you. But don't worry about that now. Just worry about yourself and be considerate and respectfull of whoever you meet.
EIN Posted January 31, 2005 Posted January 31, 2005 Amen to what Brother Universe just said. On without the things you lost, things you gain you take with you. She had her chance with you, she blew it. Worse, she cheated on you. Don't wait up on her to come back to you. She went out and did her own things, you should too with the girl you mentioned. It's not of getting back at your ex but one of self empowerment to move on. Saying goodbye does not mean you're hateful, it means you're faithful. Picture if you and your ex got back together and once she finds it boring again, she'll hitch on with someone else and set you off in another roller coaster downhill. Life is about going up, not down. If she comes around, just politely tell her you can't talk etc.... . That will give her the message.
Teag Posted January 31, 2005 Posted January 31, 2005 You two were together for 6 years, of course she's going to be jealous. Of course she still cares for you, you can't just stop caring for someone. When I broke up w/ my ex to be w/ my now husband I hated the thought of my ex being with anyone else. Although I broke up with him and he was very abusive to me. Just the thought of him being w/ someone else much less seeing him w/ them or hearing other people talk about it, it would just piss me off. It took me a long time to get to the point where I didn't care if he moved on although I was much happier w/ the guy I was/am with then/now I was ever w/ him.
sad123 Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 ok..well, on the flip side...what does it mean when your ex-boyfriend gets jealous? Not of a current boyfriend but of friends who are guys?
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