forgetmenot75 Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 When the other person in the relationship still lets the doors open and you know they'll be there if you decide to come back, but you know they don't want you for the right reasons... How to lose hope if you know they are somewhere, living their lives, not caring about you, but still, they are ready to embark in a new adventure only if you are the one who contacts them... How to lose hope when you're aware the other person is toxic, and it'll do no good to you. This is an unusual situation, but this is my reality. I'm not going breaking NC (9 weeks yay!) but I was just wondering how to lose hope when there's hope (a wrong kind of hope, but hope nonetheless... I'm talking about toxic relationships, and how one can heal, and leave all the nightmare behind.
David87 Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 How to lose hope if you know they are somewhere, living their lives, not caring about you, but still, they are ready to embark in a new adventure only if you are the one who contacts them... You said that they don't care about you, THAT'S A REASON TO LOSE HOPE. The dumper has to call the dumpee if he wants to reconcilate( you know this) How to lose hope when you're aware the other person is toxic, and it'll do no good to you. Anoter 2 reasons to loose hope. I'm not sure about what kind of hope are you talking about.
Author forgetmenot75 Posted March 29, 2014 Author Posted March 29, 2014 The kind of hope that doesn't let you move on and be happy again. The kind of hope that happens at the same time of the indifference. Kalilove: I was in a very toxic "kind of relationship". I am a love addict. For this reason it's so difficult to move on.
anemptycup Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 i'm also a love addict... it's hard... for me i think i will only lose hope over time - i think after 6 months... it's all over for me... so far it's been nearly 3... it might not be a good idea putting a time limit on it - but i feel sometimes people need that much time to know for sure... meanwhile it's important to get the most from your time - learn, do things that will add to your life - be productive - i haven't been going out dating or being crazy active - i do my sports - spend time iwth family - hike, mostly i have been diving into a spiritual journey of learning about myself - and trying to sort out my weaknesses - like being addicted to love... i have realized that addiction stems from a place of LACK... within myself.. which ultimately stems from lack of Self Love - because when you love yourself and accept yourself (weaknesses and strengths) fully - you won't need anyone... most of us suffer form the NEED of a nother person to make us feel whole... but there are also a lot of other stories complicated situations and generalizing doesn't always work - some people just had some bad luck and feel they were on the right path with their ex's maybe made mistakes.. or maybe the relationship IS worth saving in some cases... rather than leaving behind... time does help tell a lot - but also what you do with that time. good luck - i'm having a bad day today.. unfortunately contacted my EX again... not going well for me... sooner i leave the country the better.. i hope! GOOD LUCK.
Author forgetmenot75 Posted March 29, 2014 Author Posted March 29, 2014 i'm also a love addict... it's hard... for me i think i will only lose hope over time - i think after 6 months... it's all over for me... so far it's been nearly 3... it might not be a good idea putting a time limit on it - but i feel sometimes people need that much time to know for sure... meanwhile it's important to get the most from your time - learn, do things that will add to your life - be productive - i haven't been going out dating or being crazy active - i do my sports - spend time iwth family - hike, mostly i have been diving into a spiritual journey of learning about myself - and trying to sort out my weaknesses - like being addicted to love... i have realized that addiction stems from a place of LACK... within myself.. which ultimately stems from lack of Self Love - because when you love yourself and accept yourself (weaknesses and strengths) fully - you won't need anyone... most of us suffer form the NEED of a nother person to make us feel whole... but there are also a lot of other stories complicated situations and generalizing doesn't always work - some people just had some bad luck and feel they were on the right path with their ex's maybe made mistakes.. or maybe the relationship IS worth saving in some cases... rather than leaving behind... time does help tell a lot - but also what you do with that time. good luck - i'm having a bad day today.. unfortunately contacted my EX again... not going well for me... sooner i leave the country the better.. i hope! GOOD LUCK. I'm sorry you've contacted your ex. I've been 9 weeks no contact. I know if I contact him, he'll reply. He's a love avoidant, so I know how this works. He'll be overenthusiastic and then slowly he'll start to avoid me. It's a pattern that has been repeating for over 15 months now. I's hard to forget, since I'm lacking what other healthy people have: self esteem and self love, as you pointed out before. Some people don't undesratnd why we keep bumping our heads over and over again, promising we won't do it again, yet we make the same mistakes. It's a sick circle. Addictive. Like heroin, cocaine, or alcohol, we are addicted to a person, addicted to love. And to break that pattern is extremely difficult. I'm working hard and I wish I could move on. The most Ive been no conctat with this person is 3 months, I'm eagerly waiting to pass that time frame. I hope I'll be fine at a 9 month mark. 1
anemptycup Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 I'm sorry you've contacted your ex. I've been 9 weeks no contact. I know if I contact him, he'll reply. He's a love avoidant, so I know how this works. He'll be overenthusiastic and then slowly he'll start to avoid me. It's a pattern that has been repeating for over 15 months now. I's hard to forget, since I'm lacking what other healthy people have: self esteem and self love, as you pointed out before. Some people don't undesratnd why we keep bumping our heads over and over again, promising we won't do it again, yet we make the same mistakes. It's a sick circle. Addictive. Like heroin, cocaine, or alcohol, we are addicted to a person, addicted to love. And to break that pattern is extremely difficult. I'm working hard and I wish I could move on. The most Ive been no contact with this person is 3 months, I'm eagerly waiting to pass that time frame. I hope I'll be fine at a 9 month mark. i hear you - and yeah - i think my ex may well be a love avoider... 7 weeks of NC was hard - and maybe contacting her today was a mistake - i think i should have left it be - last i ended it i was in a strong position... etc.. and now... i'm waiting for her reply... kinda stupid of me... why do we do this **** to ourselves.... it's the lack of self love - and sometimes the opposite - self hatred... anyway... i wish you luck... seems to me you have gained a lot of wisdom and understanding through this - i'd love to pick your brain... is there a way to send people private messages through this site?
Recommended Posts